AIBU to expect relatives to learn to spell and use DDs name?

[Bella5C]

my Dd is almost 2. I am a single parent with grown up children as well. Dd doesn’t know her biological father. He’s not in the picture. However, his family are. They see her weekly/fortnightly or less if they’re on holiday or have medical issues.
Dd has an Irish spelt name. It’s probably one of the harder ones to spell/pronounce. I love it, I learned immediately how to spell it. I have no concerns that she will struggle. As far as I’m concerned once you know how to spell it, you know? People still spell my name and my grown up kids names wrong so I look at it like, with it being quite a unique name, you are going to learn it so you’re not getting it completely wrong.
my Issue is that her relatives (not mine) refuse to learn how to spell it and just refer to her as ‘the wee one’. I easily picked up on this in their texts and didn’t think too much of it. Accepted it really, but then, her Grandmother said to me ‘oh he (her partner) saw a woman holding a child at the end of the road and stopped and said he thought it was Bella5C and the wee one’
she obviously heard herself as she then said to me when leaving, I call her the wee one because I don’t know how to spell her name? AIBU to assume she doesn’t like her name and is refusing to use it? I can understand not spelling it in a text if you think you’ll spell it wrong but to not say her name out loud and use that excuse is surely, a load of crap? Just looking for opinions really, although I may eventually say something?

@Octavia64 I'm guessing Brighde

I don't know anyone called that but I know how to pronounce it.
I have worked with people from all sorts of cultures and its always been sensible (or if you like, common courtesy) to make sure colleagues' names were pronounced correctly.
If a member of my family had a name that was harder to pronounce, as well as to spell, I'd absolutely learn it. There's no excuse.

They really don’t, unless they live under a rock. It has been inside the top 50 names used in Ireland for years. People use variant spellings, sure (Sadhbh, Sadbh, Sadb or Sive), but it’s no odder than Medhbh, Méabh, Medb, Maeve etc.

Ee fah is how it is usually pronounced in Ireland.

Agree, don't find Sadhbh difficult at all, probably because it's so common we are used to it.
I find Saoirse a bit harder to say.

Can you give them a framed photographed of your daughter. Edit the photo and add her name (and pronunciation) so they have it right in front of them. Point out that they can refer to it when the write her cards etc. Tell them that it is very upsetting for both you and your DD. You could sit them all down round the dining table and give them coffee and cake, while you hold a lesson in how to pronounce DD's name.

Failing that, start pronouncing their names wrong because it's childish and will give them a taste of their own medicine.

It could well be they’re just uncertain of the pronunciation but say it’s the spelling they can’t remember because it sounds better than saying they don’t know how to say it even though they’ve heard it lots. It could be like a mental block. My friend’s husband is called Brian/Bryan and although they’ve been married years, I have to check my address book every time to check which of those spellings it is.

Likewise a friend called their DD a name ending “-iah ”. Even though I’d heard them say it loads, I still used to avoid saying it unless they’d said it first as I could never remember if they said the ending ‘ee-uh’ or ‘eye-uh’. It was a name I’d never heard prior to them using it, although I’d seen it written down, so I had no previous memory to draw on.

I agree with the suggestion to write the name on something they can stick on the fridge, with the phonetic spelling underneath. You could also give them a memorable way to remember if you spot which syllable they’re getting muddled with.

I have a relative (child) who is called Auri. No one in the family likes the name, it doesn’t suit the child and it just feels and sounds awkward to say it out aloud, so we all have different terms of endearment for her as she’s a lovely little girl.

Her mother can’t complain about any of using the name as we give generously to help support them.

You could also write the meaning of Caoimhe underneath

gentle, beautiful, precious.

When I was in my late 20s, I had a pretty serious head injury and it took several years for my brain to be able to quickly recall simple words like 'door.' You wouldn't know it to speak to me, I appeared completely normal, until I stopped mid sentence to ask 'what are those things in houses that you walk through to get to another room.'

Anyway, two of the longer term consequences is that I can't remember a postcode for longer than about 5 seconds (odd: used to memorise number plates for fun as a kid), but there are also about half a dozen words in the English language that I now cannot spell, any time, ever. This is despite having sat and looked at them numerous times, tried to break them down to memorise them. I've given up now. Life's too short.

Not saying your offspring's daughter's gramps have had a serious brain injuries, but wanted to pop by to say - I completely understand how it's not within some people's capability to learn a thing, no matter how hard they try. The brain is a mysterious thing, as is the way it does/does not work, and I'd try to not be offended as they must be fond of your child if they still want to be in its life.

Christmas present ideas ..
Wooden name puzzle.
T-shirt with XXX loves Grandma.
Wrapping paper made with white or brown butcher paper covered in DD's name printed on in paint with cut potato stamp letters - fun to make!
Fridge magnet with DD's name bold and central and a picture of DD.

It's a new word and they need some easy ways to remember and learn.

What’s the name?
We might be able to help.

YANBU, but you and she are in for a lifetime of this. I have a name that has two spellings, mine is the slightly less usual version. Even in my near-dotage, some people, including family/in-laws still spell it wrong. As do people replying to emails, when my email address is my name.

These days, I shrug it off, but I do silently judge people who lack the basic common courtesy to learn someone’s name and use it correctly.

I think “the wee one” is sweet. My fil used to call ds “the little man”-and he didn’t have a problem with the name, it was the same as his! People
will always struggle with Irish names,I’m sorry to say.

And try not to get cross about this- you, and she, will have to tell every new person how to say it or spell it forever. Even if you move to Ireland, there’s variety depending on where you are!

I work with a Caoimhe pronounced Keeva
I quite frequently have a brain fart if I am on teams with her, I can remember it fine when I am just speaking to her on the phone or in person but if I see it spelled out my brain can't compute and I start doubting whether I can say it!

Well, how did you respond when she said "I call her the wee one because I don’t know how to spell her name?"

She's clearly uncertain about the name and to be fair it's an unusual name with a pronunciation very different to its spelling.

At the point when she said this, that's your opportunity to jump in, reassure her and teach her how to say/ spell it.

Did you do that or did you just leave it?

If you give your child an unusual name that is difficult to read/spell/say, you do need to expect reactions like this and take some ownership over helping people learn it. Are you being proactive and gently prompting/ supporting her to learn the name?

Can you just text her to clarify, as seeing it broken out might help them get their heada around it? "You mentioned about DD's name being tricky. It's pronounced Keeva. The Irish spelling is Caoimhe; C-aoi-mhe with a hard C, then aoi is an "ee" sound and mhe is "va". See you next week x"

Get name labels early and iron them into her clothes, put on water bottle etc, then they will get used to seeing Caoimhe. And over-use her name in discussion so they get used to hearing Keeva.

Gosh, it doesn’t help when people get their own names or their children’s names wrong, does it?
What can you do? It’s their name and they can ask for it to be pronounced as they wish.
But Ee-fah is the correct pronunciation as aoi doesn’t give an ay sound in any dialect and f doesn’t give a v sound.
Niamh is the correct spelling.
Just in case you were wondering 😅

I really struggle with some Irish names that are spelt differently to how they are pronounced. I do try but it's like my brain can't get it.
I would make an extra effort to get it right if it was a relative though. Perhaps she doesn't like to ask the spelling again because she thinks you will be exasperated with her.

They are pronounced as they are spelt in Irish; it’s a different language. Irish is actually more phonetic than English, once you learn what sounds the letter combos make.

Sometimes the older generation just can't seem to comprehend how to pronounce a name when it's not spelt as it sounds. My mil has difficult spelling a few of my nieces and nephews irish names (we're all Irish). My son has the same name as his father (her son) but still mixes up my sons spelling. My own mother finds it hard to pronounce and spell my grand daughters name, she mixes it up with another name in the family that sounds similar. At this stage, after overtime 30 years, we don't bat an eye, they don't mean any harm by it.

I also think wee one is just a loving nickname. I call my grand daughter nelly belly more than her actual name. She answers to both.

They're not spelt differently to how they're pronounced though. Irish, unlike English, is mainly consistent in terms of pronunciation.

Not being able to spell it is one thing, but not saying out loud is weird. Your daughter won't be small forever, so what will they call her when she's not 'wee'?

I too would probably wait and see how they address her in her birthday cards. If they continue with not saying it then have a discussion with them and say that it upsets you. They just need to think of a sentence to spell out the letters - Caoimhe - Can An Old Irishman Make Hardboiled Eggs (or something else daft).

Alternatively start referring to them as 'the old one' or similar and see how they like it.

@Itisallabitvagueit is pronounced like that in the north of Ireland. Much nicer than The Kweeva pronunciation.