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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH refusing to allow DS to go on play date

103 replies

Boomert · 26/05/2025 18:37

DH works from home 3 days a week and will look after the children when they are home during holidays - children are 8&9.

Often DS is invited to his friend’s house once or twice during the holidays for a play date.

He is refusing to let DS go this half term because DD starts whinging that she’s bored and wants to go to her friends for a play date.
Occasionally that’s feasible but sometimes it isn’t, and if it isn’t, she will become upset.

DH has said it’s too disruptive for his work and doesn’t want to deal with it.

AIBU to think this is massively unfair on DS.

OP posts:
Kneeslikethese · 26/05/2025 18:40

Is it really feasible for your dh to be working from home + looking after the children? If he's working then I'm not surprised he's finding it difficult to facilitate play dates.

Meadowfinch · 26/05/2025 18:42

There is no way he should be caring for 2 dcs while working. It's a recipe for disaster. It sounds like he is relying on the 9yo to watch & entertain the 8yo.

Can you organise a babysitter for that day?

Freeme31 · 26/05/2025 18:44

I think what’s unreasonable is your husband doing childcare instead of working. Does his work know ? It’s people like your husband that will get the rest of us “actual workers” dragged back into the office. Get proper childcare sorted out

WhiteCloudd · 26/05/2025 18:44

It’s properly shit for two young children to have to entertain themselves all day while your DH works honestly. That’s really the root of the problem.

Lovenpic · 26/05/2025 18:46

This sounds unfair on everyone involved.

Holiday clubs needed!

Sassybooklover · 26/05/2025 18:47

Your daughter has to learn she can't always have or do the same as her brother. That's a life lesson all children have to learn. Children also need to be 'bored' sometimes too! No parent can constantly map days out, so children are doing something every minute of the day. If your daughter is upset that she's not been invited on a playdate, then yes it's understandable, but that's not an excuse to stop your son from attending his! Also I wouldn't tolerate a child being difficult for your husband, because she's pissed off at not being able to do the same as her brother. You can't force friends to invite her for a playdate!!

Barnbrack · 26/05/2025 18:48

The problem is you need childcare or to use annual leave between you. Obviously

Dollshousedolly · 26/05/2025 18:49

Very, very unfair not letting your DS go on play dates he’s invited to.

Original poster
Boomert · 26/05/2025 18:49

He can usually start work very early at 5am, as lot of his colleagues are based in Asia. He’ll work in on and off till about 5, and work in the evening if required.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 26/05/2025 18:50

The situation isn't fair on anyone involved and as you now know you husband will put himself first and choose the path of least resistance for himself over the children.

Tarantella6 · 26/05/2025 18:50

Your dc are too young to be left alone all day while you both work. It's not fair on them or your DH's employer/colleagues. It is people like you who give WFH a bad name - pay for childcare.

Barbiewhirl · 26/05/2025 18:51

Boomert · 26/05/2025 18:49

He can usually start work very early at 5am, as lot of his colleagues are based in Asia. He’ll work in on and off till about 5, and work in the evening if required.

Cripes this sounds miserable, no wonder he doesnt want to hear DD getting upset all day and/or be doing drop offs. The answer is to get childcare for the holidays isnt it? That's the part thats really unfair for the children!

LeedsZebra90 · 26/05/2025 18:51

The fact that your dh is looking after two primary school aged kids during his working day is pretty crap for everyone involved. That said, he's the one doing the juggling, so whatever makes that easier for him I guess - if that means no play date then no play date. I don't think you can dictate on this one. unfortunately if he is working then nothing is going to be fair to the child(ren) as they clearly aren't the priority.

onetrickrockingpony · 26/05/2025 18:53

YABU for wanting your husband to accommodate and facilitate your children’s social diary during the middle of the working day.

redskydelight · 26/05/2025 18:54

If you are going to use DH wfh as your "childcare" then the flip side to this is that it means that the DC have to amuse themselves at home all day. If they can't or won't then you need to sort out actual childcare. Or take annual leave.

And to be honest, even if the DC do amuse themselves all day you should sort out something that's not just that for at least some of the holiday.

batsandeggs · 26/05/2025 18:56

You and your husband are being unreasonable to both of your kids expecting them to do essentially nothing over the summer because dad is working. I don’t agree that it’s a case of your daughter having to accept that her brother gets to do things she doesn’t - it seems inherently unfair, to both your son and daughter. Equally, it’s unfair to your husband to expect him to work and look after the kids. It would be incredibly stressful and it sounds like the kids will be seeing to themselves.

eldermillenialmum · 26/05/2025 18:57

YABU

Fastingandhungry · 26/05/2025 18:57

Wrks on and off for 12 plus hours a day, feck that being tied to a desk, would rather work my shorter office hours and no contact early morning and late night. Plus through into the mix two bored children kicking around.

lalalalalala2024 · 26/05/2025 18:58

I would ignore these comments as they don’t know how flexible his employer is, I leave work early most days and so does some of my colleagues to do the school run and then log back in at home. When it’s half term I also work from home with my daughter ( shock ) but I will also take off half term days or just work the morning and do something in the afternoon, I can be in meetings and my daughter will be there. No complaints so far as the work gets done and I’ve been there over a year.
Not all employers are bothered … I also work in HR and ensure the rest of company is as flexible as can be

JellyAnd · 26/05/2025 19:00

Well DH does have a point- the kids entertain each other so he can get work done but if one is elsewhere then the other is bored and needs more adult interaction. If DS wants to go to his mates and you want to facilitate that then you need to find something to entertain DD- any holiday camps that align with her interests and/or will have classmates attending?

GRex · 26/05/2025 19:01

I do think 8/9 is a bit young to be fully fending for themselves while dad works. Best to focus on actual childcare; book some holiday clubs, a bit of annual leave from each of you, and it won't seem so stressful.

Original poster
Boomert · 26/05/2025 19:03

batsandeggs · 26/05/2025 18:56

You and your husband are being unreasonable to both of your kids expecting them to do essentially nothing over the summer because dad is working. I don’t agree that it’s a case of your daughter having to accept that her brother gets to do things she doesn’t - it seems inherently unfair, to both your son and daughter. Equally, it’s unfair to your husband to expect him to work and look after the kids. It would be incredibly stressful and it sounds like the kids will be seeing to themselves.

Who said anything about summer? DH has time off this week.

OP posts:
summerscomingsoon · 26/05/2025 19:03

And this is why people back in the office get pissed off with people allegedly working from Home.

As they spend half their day doing childcare etc

LeedsZebra90 · 26/05/2025 19:03

lalalalalala2024 · 26/05/2025 18:58

I would ignore these comments as they don’t know how flexible his employer is, I leave work early most days and so does some of my colleagues to do the school run and then log back in at home. When it’s half term I also work from home with my daughter ( shock ) but I will also take off half term days or just work the morning and do something in the afternoon, I can be in meetings and my daughter will be there. No complaints so far as the work gets done and I’ve been there over a year.
Not all employers are bothered … I also work in HR and ensure the rest of company is as flexible as can be

It isnt about the job flexibility, it's about what's best for the kids.. clearly this is pretty crap for them.

Original poster
Boomert · 26/05/2025 19:05

LeedsZebra90 · 26/05/2025 19:03

It isnt about the job flexibility, it's about what's best for the kids.. clearly this is pretty crap for them.

Show quote history

Do you know how expensive childcare and holiday clubs are? It’s not cheap and we cannot afford that for the 12 weeks they are off school.

OP posts: