DH refusing to allow DS to go on play date

[Boomert]

DH works from home 3 days a week and will look after the children when they are home during holidays - children are 8&9.

Often DS is invited to his friend’s house once or twice during the holidays for a play date.

He is refusing to let DS go this half term because DD starts whinging that she’s bored and wants to go to her friends for a play date.
Occasionally that’s feasible but sometimes it isn’t, and if it isn’t, she will become upset.

DH has said it’s too disruptive for his work and doesn’t want to deal with it.

AIBU to think this is massively unfair on DS.

At 9, you can do it as a one off, not all holidays.

That sounds so, so miserable.

So don’t do it then? Many people didn’t suffer with their mental health during covid 🤷‍♀️

I haven’t at all! My very vivid memory of that is one reason I’m so against it!

I do get it. My husband will work from home with the kids for a day or two but not any longer than that. I know perfectly well I’m not focussing properly so I will work a half day then facilitate a play date or do something with them. Mine are older though at 12/8 so my daughter can go out on her own and my son is the easier kid anyway.

really it’s your daughter’s behaviour that’s the problem though. I do try to make plans for both of them just for my benefit but otherwise they had to (and have to!) cope if someone was busy while they were home. As this will continue to be an issue I’d consider holiday club just for her for a couple days to give everyone a break. Or proactively set up loads for her to do.

'Many people struggled terribly with their mental health during lockdown.'

And many of us found a better work life balance that supported our mental health and found employers and jobs that valued our output.

The politics of envy drive me insane whenever this is debated.

Your husband doesn't actually look after the children though. He's in the house which fulfills the legal obligation for them not to be left unattended, but he's not looking after them. Poor kids!

As mentioned multiple times, many kids would far to be at home with all their things and a parent and a sibling, than at some holiday camp with boring activities and a ratio of a couple of stranger adults to a group of 30 or so kids.

Really. I didn't have mine in same room as me constantly needing me to occupy them at that age. They were quite capable of doing stuff alone / together somewhere else in the house/ garden for an hour or 2

You know I'm over 40 and by this age my Dad was working from home (shock horror it's not a new thing for some industry's). Me and my sister where mostly left to entertain ourselves (I would often go play with the neighbours kids who where much younger then me). I think it made us more resilient as we didn't have endless trips out or arranged time (although we did have sky and I remember watching a fair bit of TV).

My dad was in his office and we only disturb him if there was an emergency. Which never really happened, he'd ask us to supply him with cups of coffee though.

Although OP I do think it's not fair on him to have to organise play dates at the same time.

They weren't fine. That's kind of the point.

get your daughter a play date on the same day problem solved.

Dh shouldn’t be working and doing childcare. Does his bosses know ? Holiday clubs or ask friends for a play date

yes it’s an expense but you know these 12/13w of school holidays are coming up

glad both now have a play date

maybe next time if ds goes get a friend over for dd. They will play better while dh works - tho again shouldn’t really be working and having kids about

equally if you have friends over one day you can ask for a return play date and get rid of kids for another day

Yes, in the majority, they were.

Many children of self employed parents have entertained themselves for decades

Does his work only consist of meetings? Don't his employers expect him to get on with his other work between meetings?

Lots of people’s jobs are just meetings 🤷‍♀️

Wow, what an incredibly unfair set up all round. Unfair on the kids, who are expected to knock about on their own in the house for days on end. Unfair on DS, who can’t even go see a friend because his sister can’t be left alone. Unfair on your DH who has to work alongside entertaining the kids which must be difficult. Unfair on DH’s workplace who clearly aren’t getting as much out of him as they should be this week.

You pay for some of those weeks so dc are not left to own devices until a bit older and can get themselves to and from their friends.
it is the cost of having children
make some arrangements and pay for them for half the holidays

My 7 & 10 year old (plus a visiting 7 year old this morning, shock horror!) have been entirely left to their own devices today as I've been decluttering. Not sure how it would have been fairer to send them to a camp they'd hate??

Cool, but that’s one day. Not half the holidays as OP suggested.

But if they needed you badly you would have gone to see what the issue was

As would OP’s husband?

How do you know?

Its massively unfair to not let one kid do something because you want your kids to entertain each other.

There needs to be a rule that if dad is working, they cant bother him and need to entertain themselves

Equally you and your husband need to make it so the kids aren't expected to be left to their own devices for long periods whilst he works, I do think they are too young for that and I'm not surprised it gets lonely and boring for her

My ds could definitely be at home while dh works (he’s 10) yes he would get a lot of screen time but it would be manageable. I think your dh should want to do it but he doesn’t and it has to be his call. Could your dd go to a holiday club on those days?