AIBU to find this comment baffling?

[MissAvainthesun]

I’ve been to quite a few baby celebrations recently and find this comment a bit bizarre when people are complimenting the baby.

“Oh he’s definitely…the dad’s he/she looks exactly him” or “there’s no doubt that’s his he/she looks exactly like them”.

I’ve been a bit baffled by it…have I missed something the mum/best friends have slept with someone else and I didn’t know but everyone else does? 🤣 I just find it a bit strange that some people don’t find saying this insulting i.e the person who’s saying it. In this case it was the Aunt and their MIL but everybody around them in agreement and saying yes they really do with no thought of do you hear what this person is possibly insinuating.

I don’t say anything as I don’t want to start anything or upset anyone.

Going to a celebration this afternoon where my friend is the mum and is aware of this type of comment, we are expecting to hear it as quite a few of the people are in the same friendship circle. So, what would you say that wouldn’t cause upset but just to get that person to think about how it sounds?

It sounds like you have some issues you need to address, I have a child that looks nothing like me at all and as close to their father as it is possible to get it is a fact not a conspiracy

It's hardly a new thing, @MissAvainthesun . It's a lame joke that's become a convention. People said it to me when my kids were born 40 years ago; people said it to my mother about us 70 odd years ago. Doubtless it was said to my grandmothers too. It's really hard to think of what to say about someone else's baby and some people just have to fill the silence and try to raise a smile.

For goodness sake, how have we got to the stage where people over analyse perfectly normal behaviour?

It's just something people say and they have been saying it for a lot longer than any of us have been around.

Its just a jokey way of saying the baby looks like a parent. Its spectacularly dull looking at babies and having to come up with something to say.

I knew a baby who resembled his father to such an extent that it looked like he'd passed through his mother without touching the sides. And people did indeed comment on this; one person exclaimed, 'Well, you can't blame the milkman for this one!' And the thing is, nobody was annoyed at this remark. It was said from surprise, and insinuating nothing.

It’s just an expression though. People using it are not necessarily questioning the paternity of the child. In the same way that the expression “eating tea” is completely baffling to non-Brits…

It’s a throw back to the days when there was no DNA testing etc and people policed women’s bodies a lot more.

I agree with you, OP, it’s a thoughtless thing to say these days. I wonder how many of the people saying it’s fine have said it to their boss or colleagues.

It's just an expression.

Since a DC comes out of the woman, there would be no question that she is the Mother otherwise people would say exactly the same to women too.