AIBU to find this comment baffling?

[MissAvainthesun]

I’ve been to quite a few baby celebrations recently and find this comment a bit bizarre when people are complimenting the baby.

“Oh he’s definitely…the dad’s he/she looks exactly him” or “there’s no doubt that’s his he/she looks exactly like them”.

I’ve been a bit baffled by it…have I missed something the mum/best friends have slept with someone else and I didn’t know but everyone else does? 🤣 I just find it a bit strange that some people don’t find saying this insulting i.e the person who’s saying it. In this case it was the Aunt and their MIL but everybody around them in agreement and saying yes they really do with no thought of do you hear what this person is possibly insinuating.

I don’t say anything as I don’t want to start anything or upset anyone.

Going to a celebration this afternoon where my friend is the mum and is aware of this type of comment, we are expecting to hear it as quite a few of the people are in the same friendship circle. So, what would you say that wouldn’t cause upset but just to get that person to think about how it sounds?

Though I have five kids, four with their dad's brown/hazel eyes and one with blue eyes from my family (although my eyes are grey). Whenever anyone comments on the fact, I tend to say 'yes, we changed milkman' absolutely deadpan. There is no doubt whatsoever about the parentage of my children, but the different eye colour is very noticeable and there's only so many times you can say 'yes, DS2 takes after my family, all the others take after their dad' before you just want to raise eyebrows.

Well people have said it to me ‘there’s no doubting who her mum is’ and seeing as I grew my children for 9 months, I don’t think it was really in any doubt. It’s a bit of a colloquial way of saying that my DD looks like me. I never inferred it meant anything else

When I had my first DD everybody said she was the image of my DH brother. DH and his brother do look similar but people were constantly saying it. Thankfully she changed as is now the image of me 😃 but yes is was uncomfortable and annoying to here the comments.

Hi I was referring to when it is said about the dad’s not the mum’s.

It is a weird way of phrasing it, but I think it’s just a turn of phrase people have perhaps grown up with.
Im sure I read something once about babies tending to look like their fathers when born, some evolutionary phenomenon to keep the father around for protection back in caveman days (I dunno, probably made up). But I wonder if that’s where the reassuring the dad it’s his child thing comes from. I suppose there’s an element of doubt in paternity that there isn’t in maternity (technically, not realistically)

It's just lighthearted. There doesn't needed to be any drama.

One if my dad's friends once said, "Well, you couldn't deny her. She even walks like you."

No suggestion that he ever would "deny" me (I was about 27 at the time). Just a way of saying how alike we were.

Yes, but the fact the expression is sometimes used for mums too makes it very clear that it’s just a colloquial way of saying a child resembles their parent.

No need to read anything more into it.

Yes I understand that however for my post I am referring to comments about dad’s and doubt.

Dear god, just don't say anything to anyone...ever.
Stay home and just talk to yourself.

But there is no doubt because it’s just an expression. Using it for mums too makes that clear.

?

It's just a thing people say.
They're not going to say ' he looks like a potato, like every other baby on the planet'.
Now THAT would offend!

🤣

People aren’t “not realising”. It’s just a mild jokey thing to say while also saying the child looks like one of the parents.L. It’s just a joke. You are overthinking it.

I was nearly 40 too when I got pregnant, my work colleague said congratulations but I'm more impressed you're still having sex, she actually looked really miffed 😂

And then when we found out I was a boy another colleague asked if I was disappointed

People say stupid things, just ignore

Should say I was HAVING a boy!

Complete overreaction.

It's just something people say, a compliment that baby looks like the parent, I've said it myself

@Fleamakerthat’s another one that baffles me when people ask are you disappointed it’s a boy? I’ve heard this a few times over the years and think why…just be happy another little life is in the world regardless of gender.

People don't kkow what to say...

'It's a baby innit?' doesn't seem to cut the mustard either.

I'm not interested in babies, I certainly wasn't doing comparisons with the dad's baby photos when I had mine. Or my own photos . Everyone thought they could see a bit of someone in them though.

I suppose you have to say something.

'Blimey, it's head is massive' doesn't go down well.

I'm sure I heard once that the world over people are more likely to say babies look like their fathers than their mothers (when obviously babies don't look like anyone until they're older, they just look like babies). Theory was that it's not usually conscious, but it's a way of reassuring the mother that they do believe the father is the real father...

Well there really isn't much to say about a baby is there? It's just small talk.
For what it's worth I get it a lot because I have dark hair and eyes and my children are all fair hair blue eyes like DH. So much for dominant genes.They all look like each other and I look like the step mum, I would probably comment too.

It's always been said and totally normal and natural. I honestly don't even know why you are asking this? There's nothing insulting.

I don't think it's supposed to be a completely literal comment OP!