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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To now allow DSs friend over because of pillow fight?

234 replies

CrabbyPaty · 26/05/2025 09:50

I don’t mind the kids playing with their pillows as I know a lot of their games involve the pillows - pillow fight, gladiators, paintballing etc but the rule is no stomper pillow. That’s it.

Last night they were playing upstairs when I heard crying, went up and DS1 had a bloodied nose, DS2 had whacked him in the face with a stomper pillow. He’s meant to be having a friend over tonight and I’m thinking of cancelling. DH said to just remove the stompers but I feel that is just masking DSs behaviour. Would I be going too far to cancel the sleepover?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Littlemisscapable · 26/05/2025 14:44

Lighteningstrikes · 26/05/2025 12:36

Omgod they’re brothers.

Do you honestly never expect any accidents. It’s how they learn.

You need to be realistic.

As long as he was genuinely sorry and won’t do it again, what’s the problem??

This. What's with the dramatic posts cancelling sleepovers and dance competitions over minor things and then the OPs are so frustrated their kids can't behave when they are being so over the top themselves. Calm down everyone..remove the heavy pillows and stop encouraging any sort of pillow fights. Stay calmer and be more consistent..no of course you don't cancel the sleepover. Have a word. Get everyone to apologise..Then move on...

Poiuytrewqa · 26/05/2025 14:44

Westfacing · 26/05/2025 10:03

Maybe the OP is Continental or Northern!

Northern what? Maybe she’s southern?

UnctuousUnicorns · 26/05/2025 14:50

MiracleCures · 26/05/2025 11:14

I finally found a picture of the stomper pillow!

Noo, that's a hot water bottle, silly! 😉

TonTonMacoute · 26/05/2025 15:00

CrabbyPaty · 26/05/2025 10:55

They’re not bolsters, they look like normal pillows but you know those weighted dolls you can get? Or weighted door stop teddy’s? It’s that kind of weight

I know what you mean. We've got a couple of telly solid, heavy pillows which came with DH, I had no idea that's what they were called. I don't like them, DH loves his though.

Buy your DCs new light pillows, remove the stompers and let the friend come for the sleepover.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 26/05/2025 15:07

CrabbyPaty · 26/05/2025 10:55

They’re not bolsters, they look like normal pillows but you know those weighted dolls you can get? Or weighted door stop teddy’s? It’s that kind of weight

They sound very strange, I’d just get rid of the pillows TBH.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 26/05/2025 15:14

CrabbyPaty · 26/05/2025 10:11

I don’t know to be honest, we were given them by DHs mum. They’re awful I don’t know why we use them. I thought everyone called them stompers but maybe not! They’re hard heavy pillows, old fashioned I imagine

Show quote history

Straight down to the charity shop really.
Its a good chance to sit DC2 and have a calm talk about his behaviour. Tell him that you were worried about him having a friend over as a result... Get him to tell YOU why he thinks you would be worried.
Basically bore him with conversation...

Make it clear he needs to be on best behaviour on the sleepover and get him to explain what he thinks best behaviour might be what bad behaviour might be. And ask him how he intends to apologise and make it up to his brother, make him think about it. Because he will know if he does it again, he can't write it off as a mishap.

Make it clear you are giving him a chance to redeem himself and he'd better deliver or you would have to consider not planning such nice treats in future ... and also would not feel confident accepting invitations from his friends to sleepovers because you couldn't trust him. This is his chance to prove you can.

Heronwatcher · 26/05/2025 15:25

QuantumPanic · 26/05/2025 13:23

Sound like buckwheat pillows. They're really comfy once you get used to them and are meant to be better for your neck etc. Putting a soft pillow on top somewhat defeats the purpose.

Buckwheat pillows? I’ve got a banging Ottolenghi recipe for those along with an alfalfa salad and miso foam.

pinkdelight · 26/05/2025 15:26

DH said to just remove the stompers but I feel that is just masking DSs behaviour.

Well, it's solving the problem so it won't happen again. Masking is the wrong word for this too I think. But anyway, YABU. Tell him off and put the fear of god into him so the stakes are clear and there won't any bad behaviour tonight.

OliveWah · 26/05/2025 15:32

YABU to cancel the sleepover and YABU to use old pillows, which are only heavy because they are filled with the 💩of dust mites! Pillows should be discarded and replaced every 1 - 2 years, at least. Grim.

KumquatHigh · 26/05/2025 16:43

Straight down to the charity shop really

Charity shops don’t want used pillows that have been used to beat a child.

ohyesido · 26/05/2025 17:16

I have two tempur pillows that would take a door off it’s hinges if swung so I know what the OP meant

Persianpaws · 26/05/2025 21:03

TonTonMacoute · 26/05/2025 15:00

I know what you mean. We've got a couple of telly solid, heavy pillows which came with DH, I had no idea that's what they were called. I don't like them, DH loves his though.

Buy your DCs new light pillows, remove the stompers and let the friend come for the sleepover.

Show quote history

Now we have “telly solid” pillows?!

Thank you OP for starting this thread it has made me laugh for the first time after a truly awful week, I feel a bit guilty that I’m laughing about a child being beaten by weapons so I hope your DS is ok.

I do feel we need more info about these danger pillows though and a picture if possible? I love the way we have united many regions and countries in order to find answers and I think this much effort deserves further explanation. Was it your MIL who referred to them as “stompers?” Why do you sleep on what are essentially bricks? Do you agree with the stomper/stopper theory? Have you never questioned your MIL gifting you heavy weaponry?
I hope your DH doesn’t snore? When DP snores I sometimes fantasise about smothering him with a pillow but it always seems too much effort when I’m exhausted, if I was sleeping with something on the bed that could do the job for me I bet he’d sleep with one eye open 😂.

I think a pp has solved your problem of where to send them with the perfect suggested recipient, I’d enjoy seeing that particular pillow fight play out. He already lives in a fantasy land so doesn’t need any games suggested.

LaDamaDeElche · 27/05/2025 18:09

Any punishment I ever gave DD when she was younger never involved punishing her friends as a result. His friend hasn’t done anything. Change the pillows, drama over.

independentfriend · 27/05/2025 18:45

I think more supervision than you had originally planned for the kids during the sleepover is a better idea than cancelling it.

ByPeachLemur · 27/05/2025 19:29

I

Nikki75 · 27/05/2025 19:59

Stomper pillow sounds like a heavy pillow that ... not really fair on sons friend is it .

GiveDogBone · 27/05/2025 21:17

Oh the poor little friend who won’t be able to come over for his planned sleepover. Jeez some people are just absolutely incapable of holding the line on any consequences for bad behaviour. Any excuse will do for them. Their children must be spoilt brats.

Kids play dates / sleepovers get cancelled and rearrange all the time. Family emergencies, illnesses, etc. And yes, bad behaviour. Unless they’re a complete snowflake they’ll deal with it.

MereNoelle · 27/05/2025 21:19

GiveDogBone · 27/05/2025 21:17

Oh the poor little friend who won’t be able to come over for his planned sleepover. Jeez some people are just absolutely incapable of holding the line on any consequences for bad behaviour. Any excuse will do for them. Their children must be spoilt brats.

Kids play dates / sleepovers get cancelled and rearrange all the time. Family emergencies, illnesses, etc. And yes, bad behaviour. Unless they’re a complete snowflake they’ll deal with it.

It’s not the friend’s bad behaviour though is it? By all means punish the child who actually did the bad deed.

GoldenGail · 27/05/2025 22:06

Westfacing · 26/05/2025 10:06

Could be Scottish - sounds like one of their strange words! Grin

I’m as Scottish as they come and never heard of it

Hmwales · 27/05/2025 22:34

Please tell us what a stomper pillow is 🤔

BooneyBeautiful · 28/05/2025 00:02

CrabbyPaty · 26/05/2025 10:02

Stomper pillows are very heavy pillows. The soft pillows go on top of the stompers.

When I Googled it to ask what it was, it said it was a plush toy!

BooneyBeautiful · 28/05/2025 00:03

MereNoelle · 26/05/2025 10:05

Me too!

BooneyBeautiful · 28/05/2025 00:17

ginasevern · 26/05/2025 11:29

When I was a child everyone always had 2 pillows and the one underneath was much denser and heavier and I would imagine they could hurt if used strategically, especially a child. I'd forgotten all about them until this thread. In our case they were filled with feathers from our own fowls and were covered in very thick, thinly striped cotton (sort of like linen) but we didn't call them stomper pillows. I can't remember what we called them. I guess stomper is a regional name.

I remember those pillows now! I can't remember what they were called, but they were definitely heavier than the pillows we use these days.

BooneyBeautiful · 28/05/2025 00:19

I have no comment to make on the OP, but this thread is literally making me cry with laughter!