Are older people obsessed with commenting on other peoples weight?

[ByZanyRubyOrca]

I’m a nurse and have previously worked in older peoples care, so usually around 60+ and find they (mainly women) are obsessed with commenting on other people’s appearances such as how they look, if they are attractive/not attractive but mainly weight comments.
Examples of real life comments “Isn’t Kirsty putting on the weight? Laura has lost too much weight and looks gaunt. Charlotte needs to wear more make up if she wants to find herself a man. John is getting too big, how can he even walk?

I also noticed when I was around 14, my nana would also make comments on everyone’s weight, even her grandchildren (girls and boys) so she would have been around mid 50s then so not old at all. Comments would be made to add context I suppose, but then she would just make comments without it being relevant to what she was talking about.

When I was 20, I visited my then boyfriend’s nana for the first time and she made comments to him about my weight, right infront of me, as if I wasn’t there. Saying how I was fatter than his sisters 😂 I wasn’t fatter than his sisters at all, in fact I was several stone lighter ( was a size 8 at the time) but even if I was heavier why even mention that or bring it up? She then offered me several of her size 20 jumpers, as she thought they might fit me as they were too big for her, despite her being a size 20. Nothing wrong with being a size 20 at all it’s more that she’s saying they were too big for her and I would fit in them, despite me being a size 8 and there’s clearly a obvious difference in size.

Has anyone else experienced this? I work with people in their 20s and people older than me and have noticed they don’t really talk about weight or make comments on appearance.

Well people have got fatter; so if you are elderly that will be noticeable. It was much more acceptable to comment on weight gain even in the 80s. Plus there is some evidence that brain changes as you get older can mean you have less of a filter.. so maybe? 60 seems a bit young for the latter though.

My nan has commented on my weight my whole life. Even telling me I need to hurry up and lose weight before we visited family in America because my cousins out there were smaller than me!! Felt like I was such an embarrassment to her

Yes - all the older women in my family comment on weight constantly, it's something I've noticed

Maybe it’s your family though. And maybe it’s the families of other posters who feel compelled to describe their families’ behaviors. You yourself are happy to throw an adverb like ‘shitily’ around. Maybe it’s a your family thing.

Most of my friends are around the sixty mark, give or take, and really couldn’t care less what others look like.

My late grandmother would screech LOOK AT THE FATTY if an overweight person walked past. She was born in 1925 and fat people were a novelty for much of her life.

my mother (70s) and I (50s) have noticed how much bigger people are nowadays but we keep our mouths firmly shut. I do feel sad when I see obese children - a lifetime of health issues most likely beckoning - but I’d never in a million years say anything.

Good question.
No, medical professionals are not included in that. There’s a difference between a random person making a comment about someone’s weight and someone who is medically trained and giving advice. Perfectly fine for a doctor/nurse to explain to a patient that by reducing their weight they can reduce blood pressure/reverse type 2 diabetes or a midwife giving advice to parents about how their baby can gain weight safely. It’s literally their job to help people without making judgements.

OMG, Noooo!. It's people who have nothing else to talk about!! Sadly that does include some over 60s, but also a great number of younger people too.

I'm in my 70s, and would never comment unless someone asked me. Neither do my friends (60s and 70s) or my Mum (90s), my siblings, or my cousins (all over 60). I mean, who cares? We've got much better things to discuss!!

I would say probably 70+. I mentioned 60 plus as this is the youngest age we have on the ward, most 60 year olds are still working at that point and I definitely don’t think of them as an old. Brad Pitt is 61 and is hot 😂

My MIL is like this! "She's huge... Look at the size of him... Etc etc." and not quietly either!!

😂😂👊🏾

Not everyone of course! And there’s a big difference between a 60 year old and a 90 year old - as in, you know, 1/3 of their life!! But yes, I think some elderly people project onto others because there are medical concerns about their own weight loss or gain.

That’s a good point. Growing up in the 90s being fat was seen to be something you should be ashamed of. Every women’s magazine usually had articles about losing weight, there were films like Bridget Jones and Shallow Hal that openly mocked fat people, then in the 00s we we had magazines that openly hated women’s bodies and the rise of the size 0. Then things slowly started to change, and body positivity became a thing. I can imagine it might have been even worse in my nana’s generation as people were still trying to recover from the war and being fat might have been seen as being greedy.

Did you have any comments about your weight or appearance at your age now or when you were younger?

I believe commenting on others appearance/life circumstances was a typical communication pattern (and maybe still is). This is how my mom born in 1930’s spoke to me and equally how I spoke to my trio. “That dress looks comfortable”, “the darts are in the wrong place”, “those shoes are really ugly”, “I don’t like the color of that sofa” etc.
Yes, there was a strong judgmental undertone. But, I know it as a learning tool, how to dress, how to behave how to stay fit and healthy etc.
Really not much different than Mumsnet.

Did you ever consider that weight is more of an issue now than when back in their days? As a nation we are putting on a lot of weight (Im 40's and would comment and do comment)

My Nan would always comment on peoples weight. She was obsessed with how many inches your waist was and who was on what diet, her siblings were all the same. Most of the women in my family are the same thinking about it, conversation is always steered toward weight loss or slimming world, low cal meal ideas etc.

I never said 60 was old. I mentioned 60 to state this is the age range of patients we get on the ward. Don’t think I’m being rude asking a question asking if older people are obsessed with making comments about other people’s weight. I wouldn’t be offended if someone asked a question referring to someone in my age group, as I know everyone in whatever age range will have a different opinion or lived experience. Also never said ALL older people. The question wasn’t do you make such comments, it asked if other people had the same experience as I did, and many people have commented they have. So question for you, have you had these comments from an older person at this age now or when you were younger?

I always find it interesting how on any of these types of threads, when someone is expressing that they wonder something and want people’s input to see different perspectives, they get hit with a thousand ‘isms’ and get told it’s a weird thread.

I think most age groups comment on people’s weight and looks, it’s gossipy. I think your perception is built through spending so much time around the elderly as it’s your job. If it’s full time, that’s more time you spend around that age group than your own so that perception is amplified.

If you had asked a thoughtful question about whether there are generational differences in how acceptable it is to comment on someone's weight and awareness of eating disorders, I would have said yes. But you chose to frame a goady question that lumped 'older' people together as some homogeneous mass that has 'obsessions', rather than choosing to pose a question about a group of thinking, intelligent people from across at least two generations that may have been influenced by different social norms. Of course your experience of being put out by comments on weight made by some older people may be valid. That's not what some posters are objecting to! Can't you see anything wrong with the way you have used this experience to post an offensive question that completely ignores that there is as much variation across older people as younger people? The fact that you are a nurse who works with older people is alarming. Have you ever got to know any of them as people?

@Ramblethroughthebramblesvery thoughtful analysis.
I’d add that by the sounds of it some of those older people will have had a hard time sticking to societal norms of having a slim figure. Cigarettes,
amphetamines, starvation diets of varying kinds - all these would have made lives a thorough misery. So if older people are so awful, how about some sympathy too for them having g lived through those times? Especially since you’re a nurse caring for those people, OP

I think you need to the read the title again 😂

Are older people obsessed with commenting on other people’s weight? < This was my literally title of the thread. So you are wrong, it literally wasn’t the title of my thread 🤗

So first you are taking experiences from a few people and trying to hang them on an entire age group. Then you are getting snippy at what you would class as 'older' people who are picking you up. Perhaps you just know/have met a lot of arseholes and it has nothing to do with age. I highly doubt that no one you meet in your age group has ever commented on someone elses weight. Its concerning that someone in a healthcare role could make such lazy assumptions. And 50 is not old. Older than you, sure, but not old. You will be there yourself one day hopefully and will look back and cringe on these kind of statements.

Why would you guess I don’t get out much? Because that comment doesn’t make any sense. If you make a comment then at least back it up with evidence. Because that is a clear way to lose an argument when you’re trying to state opinion over facts 😂

Like what are your reasons? I work (so yes, I leave the house) previously with older people, which is relevant to the post. I also mentioned two experiences that I had from when I was younger, so again I ask why do you guess I don’t get out much? Let me guess, are you 60 + and one of the sensitive ones I offended? Then you should probably get out much, if you think that is offensive.

My mum is 86, and all my life she's made comments about people. I grew up thinking it was normal and I had to work on myself to stop it once I realised that it's inappropriate. So I'm wondering if it's not an old age thing but rather a generational thing, and learned behaviour. In my mother's mind being overweight, or having a sweet tooth, are definitely character flaws. She's actually quite nice a lot of the time, just not when she's pointing out other people's perceived failings. She does seem to struggle with keeping her thoughts to herself. I've shushed her on occasion, but it backfires as she says it again only more loudly 😳

Eh?

Are older people obsessed with commenting on other people’s weight? is the title.

You're now saying that you didn't mean... Are older people obsessed with commenting on other people’s weight. 😶

That would be a spectacular reverse ferret, if it made any sense at all.

The title of your thread is, literally, that you think all older people are obsessed with commenting on other people's weight. But now you're getting aggy and saying that you don't think that. Perhaps you could clarify what you do think?