Friend didn’t invited my DSD

[curiousaccident]

Have been close friends with Jane for years.

I have two little dc who Jane is close with. I also have a junior school aged DSD but I mostly end up seeing Jane in the day while she is at school whereas my dc are at home with me.

DSDs mum isn’t involved so I very much try to treat her as my own. Friend has her own stepchildren but they rarely stay over and she doesn’t seem to particularly like them.

Janes made comments before when I’ve said I’m doing something for or with DSD questioning why or saying she wouldn’t bother or that I shouldn’t either. If I mention something DSD has done, Jane never seems interested whereas she’s always asking about dc.

Jane had a party today and invited, looking back at the message me and ‘my babies’. I didn’t even consider that DSD wouldn’t be invited, DP is away on a business trip but even if he was home I think I would still have taken her.
After turning up with the three of them Jane took me aside and asked why I’d brought DSD,that no other kids were invited and she’d just wanted my dc there.

She said it was fine now but once she walked away I got them all and left as I was shocked. Jane is now annoyed I left and doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong.

Was I unreasonable to take DSD? Or to be upset that Jane said she didn’t want her there?

That's very unkind. I'd be telling her that you have three children, and they come as a package.

Her poor step children. Well done OP. Very well done. 👏🏻

What on earth did Jane expect you to do with DSD? Stick her back in a box, switch her off at the wall until you returned?

She sounds like a proper arsehole and I wonder if she feels like you're judging her for her treatment of her SC, because you're obviously actually nice to yours, hence the constant encouragement to treat SD badly.

Ditch her if you can, she sounds like a prick.

Absolutely this!

This. Callous cow. I would have left too. How can people be so mean.

Fancy excluding a child like that! Unbelievably nasty!

Keep away from Jane, she's a terrible example to all three of your DC.

Why leave though? Weren't the children excited to be at the party?

It reminds me of the melon and sausage eating child that wasn't wanted at a wedding a few months back on MN. Your 'friend' is unkind and I really wouldn't bother anymore. I cut someone out of my life 6 years ago for her bad behaviour. I don't miss her at all. She was a nasty gossip and she decided to tell me how to parent my teen plus LGBT phobic comments. Other friends have tried to get me to socialise with her again and I'm OK saying hello but she's not getting past my door. You did a good thing by walking out. You showed her that her behaviour was unacceptable. She owes you an apology.

Well that's that friendship over.

Thank goodness you have your poor dsd's back!

Hardly the point. This is in @curiousaccident's OP.

After turning up with the three of them Jane took me aside and asked why I’d brought DSD,that no other kids were invited and she’d just wanted my dc there

She doesn’t like the fact that your set up calls out her terrible behaviour and relationship with her own step children. She’s not good for your SC to be around.

Wow she's rude.
So glad you packed up and left. You've nothing to apologise for so please don't. Your 'friend' doesn't sound very nice; I'd stop wasting time with that one. God, aren't people weird!

Even if she'd meant to only invite your two little DC, she should have realised how insensitive she'd been and not say anything when you all turned up. That was just cruel and she should be ashamed.

I’m blown away by this. She invited you to something at a time you’d obviously have all 3 of your children and expected you’d get a babysitter for Cinderella? It wasn’t a children’s party with a paid activity! And then she was so ill mannered she actually told you? Did she expect you to snap your fingers and magic this girl away?

I cannot imagine doing or experiencing any of this. Drop her and bring your family round to mine - everyone is welcome!

What an example to all your DC and hers. She's teaching bullying.....

I'm so glad you left. Now that's a GOOD example.

Reading these stepmum threads, is the main reason I will never leave my husband,

Always thought I was the only one disturbed by some of the stepmum threads.

Don't mean ones where people are trying their best in difficult circumstances, the ones where people obviously regarded the kids as a nuisance from the start.

Jane lacks emotional intelligence and she's not much of a friend to behave that way.

She's incapable of reflecting on her behaviour and apologising.

I feel sorry for her stepkids, as she clearly doesn't like them... thinking you should be like that towards DSD.

You sound like a lovely person and a lovely SM. Keep being you :)

Did your actually read the post properly? Did you get the point that DSD was clearly not welcome?

I'm unsure how you expect that the OP would stay after what her friend said.

You are an amazing woman and mum to your three dc.
🩷

You sound like an amazing step mum. Quite literally stepped up for that little girl. Your so called friend however has really let herself down and shown a very unpleasant side of herself. I think you did absolutely the right thing.

You are a fantastic step mum. Well done you!

Would you stay if you'd just been told one of your kids wasn't welcome?

Wow. Some “friend”.

That little girl lives with you FT - you are the only mum she’s got. Well done you for saying clearly to your friend if she doesn’t accept you and all your children then you don’t accept the friendship.

Does jane have her own DC? How old are they? Who else was there, how old were any DC? If it was a gathering of people with babies & toddlers I can see why a random 9/10 year old can be quite in the way, there's lots of conversations you can have around toddlers who don't listen/understand but really can't have with an older child earwigging. If you don't normally meet up with DSD around its probably easy for Jane to forget how much a part of your life she is.

However if she knows DSD lives with you and your DH was away then where did she think DSD was going to go?

You did the right thing. She sounds like an awful person!