Page 3 | Friend didn’t invited my DSD

curiousaccident · 2025-05-24T21:05:47+00:00

Have been close friends with Jane for years. I have two little dc who Jane is close with. I also have a junior school aged DSD but I mostly end up seeing Jane in the day while she is at school whereas my dc are at home with me. DSDs mum isn’t involved so I very much try to treat her as my own. Friend has her own stepchildren but they rarely stay over and she doesn’t seem to particularly like them. Janes made comments before when I’ve said I’m doing something for or with DSD questioning why or saying she wouldn’t bother or that I shouldn’t either. If I mention something DSD has done, Jane never seems interested whereas she’s always asking about dc. Jane had a party today and invited, looking back at the message me and ‘my babies’. I didn’t even consider that DSD wouldn’t be invited, DP is away on a business trip but even if he was home I think I would still have taken her. After turning up with the three of them Jane took me aside and asked why I’d brought DSD,that no other kids were invited and she’d just wanted my dc there. She said it was fine now but once she walked away I got them all and left as I was shocked. Jane is now annoyed I left and doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong. Was I unreasonable to take DSD? Or to be upset that Jane said she didn’t want her there?

Dazzlemered · 24/05/2025 23:42

That is fucking awful. Well done for leaving.

Your DSD is lucky to have a lovely stepmom like you.

Dazzlemered · 24/05/2025 23:43

jetlag92 · 24/05/2025 23:42

I disagree, I have three children, it's rare that the invite for one would extend to all three. You can;t invite all siblings every time.

It wasn’t a kids party though.

RareMaker · 24/05/2025 23:43

Yanbu
She us a bitch

Dweetfidilove · 24/05/2025 23:43

You were absolutely right in what you did. Your stepdaughter is lucky to have you.
Jane is a shit and you should flush her right out of your life.

I'm guessing your kind of step-parenting challenges how she operates, and she doesn't like it.

Leafy3 · 24/05/2025 23:44

Wow. Jane's a b*tch.

Empress13 · 24/05/2025 23:49

Lord help any step children her kids have! What a vile individual she is. Well done for stepping away

hazelowens · 24/05/2025 23:51

Get rid of her, I have an older brother that I had no idea wasn't my mum son until I was about 6 and I worked out my mum wasn't old enough to be his mum. His birth mother abandoned him when she split up with my dad. My dad met my mum and they had me, my big brother called her mum and she called him son. I hate people that treat step kids like inferior species.

oceanaus · 24/05/2025 23:59

jetlag92 · 24/05/2025 23:42

I disagree, I have three children, it's rare that the invite for one would extend to all three. You can;t invite all siblings every time.

so it extends to the other two children but it just so happens not to the step child? She didn’t pull her aside about bringing all 3, just the SD

Notonthestairs · 24/05/2025 23:59

DSD lives with you 95% of the time.

what was your friend expecting you to do with DSD if you hadn’t bought her along?

Deeply unpleasant behaviour from her.

Sunshineandrainbows23 · 25/05/2025 00:15

That was so wrong of Jane. It wouldn't matter if she rarely stayed with you, your
SD should have been made welcome. Well done you for sticking up for your SD and making a point. I agree with the others who say I couldn't be friends with Jane any more.

BusyMum47 · 25/05/2025 00:19

Ugh. Vile woman. Ditch her as a 'friend'.

Well done for treating your DSD quite rightly as an equal to your other children & for leaving when your 'friend' was rude & petty...towards an innocent child!!

TrolleySong · 25/05/2025 00:23

I think you left unnecessarily if the girls were enjoying themselves at the party. I understand you were outraged by Jane, who clearly has issues with being a stepmother and has convinced herself your stepdaughter is some kind of irrelevant background figure in your life, but I would have stayed for the girls’ sake, and to demonstrate you come as a quartet.

It’s possible she genuinely doesn’t get that your situation is different, if her stepchildren are seldom around her, and your SD lives with you and her dad FT, if she is almost never at your house while your SD is at home. There’s no standard experience of step-parenting. There’s a big difference between a stepchild who lives mostly with their other parent, and one who essentially doesn’t have another parent.

Renamed · 25/05/2025 00:38

Yeah really?

echt · 25/05/2025 00:52

It’s possible she genuinely doesn’t get that your situation is different, if her stepchildren are seldom around her, and your SD lives with you and her dad FT, if she is almost never at your house while your SD is at home. There’s no standard experience of step-parenting. There’s a big difference between a stepchild who lives mostly with their other parent, and one who essentially doesn’t have another parent

There's nothing to "get". The SD lives with the OP 95% of the time. The friend not seeing her because she's at school is no different from an older sibling always being at school.

CatsWhiskerz · 25/05/2025 00:58

FFS that poor child is a kid, why should some twat treat them as below par because if their parents choices - leaving was the right thing IMO

nomas · 25/05/2025 00:59

YANBU. I think Jane seeing your loving relationship with your DSD is a reminder that she is not treating her own DSC well. So it’s easier for her to pretend that you also are not close to your DSD. Seeing DSD with you ruins that delusion.

You were 💯 right to leave and I don’t see how a relationship with Jane would be sustainable now she has revealed this side of her character.

latetothefisting · 25/05/2025 01:00

curiousaccident · 24/05/2025 22:16

That’s what shocked me the most.

I can kind of get that she really just wanted my dc there just as she spends time with them weekly but doesn’t really know DSD as she’s always at school but to not want her there so badly that she says something once I’ve turned up with her.

if I had a party and my friend turned up with a randoms neighbours kid I’d never heard off I’d just welcome them.

Show quote history

Exactly this. Perhaps being surprised you brought your dsd is understandable - as it could be even if they were full siblings just because of the age gap, but as you say, even if it was the other way round and Jane brought her dsd or a niece or other child who she was looking after, you'd just welcome them anyway!

It's not as if it was a special party or anything, or dsd would have cost her money to entertain!

Nasty woman

nomas · 25/05/2025 01:02

TrolleySong · 25/05/2025 00:23

I think you left unnecessarily if the girls were enjoying themselves at the party. I understand you were outraged by Jane, who clearly has issues with being a stepmother and has convinced herself your stepdaughter is some kind of irrelevant background figure in your life, but I would have stayed for the girls’ sake, and to demonstrate you come as a quartet.

It’s possible she genuinely doesn’t get that your situation is different, if her stepchildren are seldom around her, and your SD lives with you and her dad FT, if she is almost never at your house while your SD is at home. There’s no standard experience of step-parenting. There’s a big difference between a stepchild who lives mostly with their other parent, and one who essentially doesn’t have another parent.

Even if it’s the case that Jane doesn’t get OP’s situation, it shows Jane lacks emotional depth and a basic understanding of human relationships. Not a good basis for friendship.

But Jane is going further and urging OP to treat her DSD differently. That‘s reprehensible.

Funnywonder · 25/05/2025 01:03

Regardless of how well Jane does or doesn’t know your stepdaughter, it was absolutely horrible of her to make a comment when you turned up with her. Your SD is very fortunate to have a stepmum like you who sticks up for her and cares about her so much. Honestly, kudos for being an all round decent human being. There’s not much of it about these days.

TrolleySong · 25/05/2025 01:03

echt · 25/05/2025 00:52

It’s possible she genuinely doesn’t get that your situation is different, if her stepchildren are seldom around her, and your SD lives with you and her dad FT, if she is almost never at your house while your SD is at home. There’s no standard experience of step-parenting. There’s a big difference between a stepchild who lives mostly with their other parent, and one who essentially doesn’t have another parent

There's nothing to "get". The SD lives with the OP 95% of the time. The friend not seeing her because she's at school is no different from an older sibling always being at school.

It’s completely different if Jane has convinced herself that the OP’s stepdaughter plays the same marginal and implicitly unwelcome role in her life as her own stepchildren do in hers, because she’s never around when she’s present.

Though it seems deeply odd to me that, if the OP has been, as she says, close friends with Jane for years that this has never come up before.

AnnaL94 · 25/05/2025 01:08

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 24/05/2025 22:19

Maybe she didn't want conversation limited with an older dc hearing?.

No, she’s just a nasty c^nt.

MatLeave · 25/05/2025 01:10

You 100% did the right thing. Your friend is rotten, what a horrible thing to do. Good on you for sticking up for your DSD. She's obviously a big part of your life and you treat her like your own.

Topsyturvy78 · 25/05/2025 01:14

UANBU Jane is a bitch she shouldn't have got into a relationship with a man who already had children if she didn't want to be a step mum.

MrsKeats · 25/05/2025 01:14

Ex friend hopefully now.
What a weirdo she is.

Anonyhouse · 25/05/2025 01:46

Definitely projection. You show her what a stepmum should be and she doesn’t like it. Well done op, and thank you for loving your dsd like your own. I grew up with a Jane, still undoing the damage in my 30s x