Friend didn’t invited my DSD

[curiousaccident]

Have been close friends with Jane for years.

I have two little dc who Jane is close with. I also have a junior school aged DSD but I mostly end up seeing Jane in the day while she is at school whereas my dc are at home with me.

DSDs mum isn’t involved so I very much try to treat her as my own. Friend has her own stepchildren but they rarely stay over and she doesn’t seem to particularly like them.

Janes made comments before when I’ve said I’m doing something for or with DSD questioning why or saying she wouldn’t bother or that I shouldn’t either. If I mention something DSD has done, Jane never seems interested whereas she’s always asking about dc.

Jane had a party today and invited, looking back at the message me and ‘my babies’. I didn’t even consider that DSD wouldn’t be invited, DP is away on a business trip but even if he was home I think I would still have taken her.
After turning up with the three of them Jane took me aside and asked why I’d brought DSD,that no other kids were invited and she’d just wanted my dc there.

She said it was fine now but once she walked away I got them all and left as I was shocked. Jane is now annoyed I left and doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong.

Was I unreasonable to take DSD? Or to be upset that Jane said she didn’t want her there?

I think the appropriate response is ‘I have three children. You deliberately set out to exclude one of my children, and made it clear that this was your intent. It is totally unacceptable.’
The behaviour is disgusting. Personally, it would be the end of any relationship.

I don’t really think our friendship can continue now.
She’s annoyed at me for leaving and expecting me to apologise. She’s also made it very clear how she feels about my DSD who has to be my priority.
Dc were very upset about leaving as they love Jane and DSD doesn’t understand what happened

Your DSD so needs mothering, thank goodness she has you ❤️. Of course you took her with you, I personally would have expected you to turn up with her. You did the right thing in leaving after Jane told you she wasn’t welcome. You and Jane are poles apart and I would drop the friendship.

It doesn't matter. She knows OP has a DSD and has made negative comments about how OL treats her DSD so it's obvious she did not want DSD there.

@curiousaccident you did the right thing to walk away, she's not a friend and a mean person. Even if I wasn't expecting your DSD I wouldn't walk up to you and say what she said. Mean and unnecessary and it's obvious she internationally wants nothing to do with your DSD.

Really???

Well done to you, and thank goodness your DSD has you to defend her 💜

You did absolutely the right thing.

How upsetting.
Jane is a nasty piece of work.
I really wouldn't want her around any on my children.

Awful woman. Well done for advocating for your dsd. It’s one thing to think it but to say it out loud really shows what sort of a person she is. Who persecutes a child like that? Maybe because she doesn’t like her step kids she feels like you should be the same. Doesn’t like a kind woman or a good friend.

Jane is a cock.

Good on you for leaving and not tolerating such carry-on.

Reading these stepmum threads, is the main reason I will never leave my husband, I couldn't bear the thought of them maybe having a stepmum in their lives.
I wish they were all like you, unfortunately there's many like your 'friend'.
Well done you for standing up for her and putting her first. Your friend sounds spiteful and I pity her SC and wonder how their relationship is with their father.
I couldn't have someone with that disgusting attitude in my life.

We are all pretending her name is spelled Jane, not Jayne.

Honestly! 🙄

It's one thing not to invite her (as she doesn't normally see you with SD it might not occur to her). But to actually complain to you about bringing her is incredibly unkind.

I think she’s projecting.

The fact that you’re clearly such a wonderful step mother hits a raw nerve with her, because she’s a shit one.

You did the right thing.

Bloody hell @curiousaccidentJane sounds like an entitled brat- did you know Jane when you were kids?

You have been amazing to have the confidence to walk away, what strength this shows. Hold your head high and be proud of yourself.

DSD is lucky to have you and will likely have picked up on something so you did right by her.

I think you and Jane are just different people with different morals and values- I’d much rather have you as a friend than Jane!

You absolutely did the right thing. Your stepdaughter is lucky to have you. Jane is horrible, why would you say that to someone?

YANBU X

Jane’s horrible, you’re lovely. DSD is lucky to have you in her life. If you end up having to speak to Jane again, please read her the riot act she so very much deserves.

She’s probably one of those people who will never see step children as part of the family.

I would drop her.

What a horrible woman to treat a little girl like this. No way would I want to be friends with someone who could be so cruel. What difference would one extra child make?

You're a great Mum (I haven't put SM, as the child is with you pretty much FT) and thank God for people like you.
The whole thing would have me reevaluating my friendship with Jane.
When I was married to my DC's father, we only had his eldest 4 at weekends, but we came 1: either together, or not at all.
💚

I can't imagine that anyone I'd be friends with would be so brazen and cruel.
She has clearly always been a selfish cow, I would have asked her what her problem was, when she first starts to show her dislike for DSD.
Choose better friends.

You are lovely!! Your DSD will appreciate you so much when she is older. It’s a shame about your friend but I do question what type of person has a problem with a little girl and wants to exclude her. You did the right thing.

Your ‘friend’ is not a nice person, I’d be distal myself from her. You sound like a fabulous SM

I disagree, I have three children, it's rare that the invite for one would extend to all three. You can;t invite all siblings every time.