Child surname

[Maggiem92]

Thoughts please…. son’s wife went behind his back and registered their baby with her surname despite him asking her not to

Doesn't sound like she's planning on having a husband for much longer.

What did he want? His name and was he refusing to consider hers. If they couldn’t come to an agreement I don’t blame her tbh.

Did he want his name? Why did she feel like she had to go behind his back as opposed to just talking with him about it?

How does that work? Do they have different surnames?
DD has ex's surname because it was the family name when she was born. I couldn't have just put my maiden name down. (I have no intention of going back to my maiden name once the divorce is finalised, either...)
Did she perhaps think it sounds better? I can't see a reason for doing that.

Are they actually married? I know you say wife but just checking

Maybe she didn't change her name when she got married? Is that an alien concept to you?
You could have given your child your surname by the way - it's still yours even if you changed it on marriage. You could have given the child a completely random surname too if you'd wanted!

He can add his surname to double barrel it before the baby's 1st birthday.

https://www.gov.uk/correct-birth-registration

What difference does it make?

If they can't agree on the surname then I don't give the marriage much hope; in which case using her surname sounds quite sensible from her point of view.

OP obviously it's not ok for either parent to unilaterally decide on a child's name assuming the parents are together and it's usually a decent relationship. However without context we don't know why she did this, so it's impossible to comment.

Not without her consent he can't

Only if she agrees, which I bet she won’t given the fact she felt she had to go and register the birth alone

Was he refusing to double barrel?

I think that if a couple can't decide, it's better to go with the mum's surname, as she is more likely to be the resident parent if they split up.

YABU. It's got fuck all to do with you and your grandchild doesn't automatically belong to your son.

They've split up haven't they?

Just because he asked her to doesn’t mean she has to comply. It doesn’t really sound like the marriage is going to work out anyway so it’s probably for the best that the baby has her mother’s surname.

Very deceptive of her to register the baby without his consent knowing there was a disagreement about the surname. Both parents have equal rights and they should have worked something out.

Actually, I couldn't have. We don't live in the UK and DD wasn't born in the UK. She automatically got the family surname because her father and I were married when she was born. That's how the law works here.
I also couldn't just give her any random, ridiculous first name.

Sorry, that the idea that a family has a shared "family" name is so alien to you. I would expect a married couple to sort out the name issue before registering the baby.

Wise woman giving a child her own name.

If they are not married, the father won't be on the birth certificate unless he attended the registration appointment. If married, his details could be included without attending.

This would be an interesting point to clarify, but doesn't have a bearing on the reasonableness of the choice of surname.

If they couldn't agree, I can understand why she registered with her name but this should have been decided and agreed beforehand. It doesn't bode well for the relationship if they couldn't agree and she had to make this choice unilaterally.

Why are you commenting as if your situation is universal in that case when mumsnet is a predominantly UK site and most users are in the UK? You asked the question as if you couldn't comprehend any other way of doing things than the way you did it. Clearly that's not how things work here!

They clearly couldn't come to an agreement for whatever reason and baby does need to be registered. She should've told him but I suppose it depends on the reason why she felt like she couldn't.

Not everyone wants to have a shared family name, especially if it involves giving up your own name and your child not having that name either.

I suspect all is not well in your son's marriage. Not sure what's giving me that idea. Call it intuition. Saw something in the stars. My left big toe is itching.

Give sympathy from a distance, and tell your son he needs to discuss this with his wife.

So what exactly is the problem?

My thoughts… this marriage won’t last.