Child surname

[Maggiem92]

Thoughts please…. son’s wife went behind his back and registered their baby with her surname despite him asking her not to

I’d be interested to know why she did that.

I’m happily married (for over 20 years). I kept my name when I married. My children (all with my husband) have my name. I grew and birthed them, they get my name.

I feel sorry for your DH with that attitude.

That pretty much proves my point. Women only used their name historically when they weren’t in stable relationships.

Maybe some of us has partners who fulfil a more active role in their child’s life.

It appears yours may not and that you are waiting to end up in the same position as your friends.

The fact that you say “if we did split” suggests all is not rosy. If not why say it?

Must be a cultural thing then as I honestly don’t know a single child of unmarried parents who hasn’t got the father’s surname. Not one.

If someone were to use the mother’s name everyone would assume that the father was someone other than the person she was currently with.

Yes it's a cultural thing clearly and you might want to spend some time out of the weird bubble you live in :) other perspectives exist!

Are you cross because she registered the baby with her surname without consulting your son or do you think that your son has more right to give the baby his surname than his wife does?

I don't know why you think sharing a surname makes for a better dad.

We parent equally but I took 12 months maternity leave and work four days a week, so do the majority of appointments (like most mums who work part time).

Not expecting to split at all - we've been together longer than most people we know. I'm merely realistic. And thank goodness, because I've seen friends get completely screwed over by ex-husbands (whose name they took).

If she kept her surname then fair enough, why should the baby have the father's surname. It's one of my biggest regrets giving my children their father's surname (we weren't married) and I felt forced.

My eldest has his father's surname, it's my biggest regret as we broke up when DS was a baby. I really wish he had my surname.

Before having DS, it wouldn't have even occurred to me to have my surname on his birth certificate as I thought we would get married. How stupid I was.

DT’s have a double barrelled surname as both mine and DH’s surname is of equal importance. We have now been married 30 years. Many friends and family of a similar age and length of marriage have also double barrelled their DC’s surname. It’s not uncommon.
What surname do your DC’s have?

Why do you think the fathers surname is more important than the mothers?

Yes, we would have double-barrelled were it not for the fact that both of our surnames have more than 10 letters and are difficult to spell. I would have liked the equality of that, but it seemed mean 😂

DH and I both have long, difficult to spell, non English surnames but DT’s have both our surnames as double barrelled. DT’s are now in their mid 20’s and have always appreciated have both family names.

Which surname do your DC’s have?

At which point men convinced women that the (in fact non existent) tradition of babies taking the father's name was very important, whilst abandoning the actual tradition of marriage first.

Any answers to questions that were asked, @Maggiem92 ?
Any thoughts on poster’s responses?