Do today's teenagers/20-somethings lack resilience?

[ToutesetBonne]

Prompted by another thread, I'm reminded of the number of times, at work, when I shake my head in disbelief about the dramas some of the younger staff create out of nothing!

I work for a lovely organisation in beautiful surroundings, with some of the best 'perks' I've ever encountered. Our salaries are well above average and we have free lunches, parking, and private health care.

Despite this, so many of our younger staff throw complete wobblies if asked to do anything that they perceive to be outside their role description, and have close to a breakdown if a manager (I am not one - no-one reports to me) queries any aspect of their work or asks them to change something in a written paper, or suggests that they might need some help with a task.

Where is the resilience? I am a labour voter who cringes at the expression 'snowflake' but, gosh, I'm beginning to see where it comes from!

Although I don't agree it just applies to the young, I think social media has played a really damaging part in people pathologising normal human experiences, feelings and personality traits and many people, particularly in younger demographics self-identifying as having a mental illness/ND condition that they likely do not have.

Medical and psychological terms have become part of the lexicon to the point they're so over-used that they've become largely meaningless. Which does adversely effect people with actual mental illness and ND conditions.

Yup, that's a very valid point. My son says things like that and is quite demoralised by the amount of deductions from his payslips (student loans, NIC, pensions, etc on top of tax), and then sees about 75% of his net wage go in standing orders for rent, utilities, etc., then more going out in bus/train fares just to get to work, then pretty minimal food shopping, and there's barely anything left. He's on a good wage, but still living hand to mouth really with no chance to save. That's after working his arse off at Uni to get a First in Maths, spending literally hundreds of hours applying for graduate jobs, etc. to get a decent job that really should give him a good lifestyle. He gets quite demoralised about being unable to save which means unable to buy a flat to get off the bandwagon of paying rent to subsidise other peoples' retirements! And he's also pretty certain there'll be no state pension for when he finally hits the ever increasing retirement age.

Lawnmower parents that is a brilliant and really apt expression

I do get the lack of optimism for the future. I suspect it is something a vast amount of us are suffering, even us in middle age. I'm not sure the complaint of little 'pocket' money being left after expenses is a new thing though.

I think modern expectations of what we require to live has changed considerably. How many of us are walking about with a £1k plus phone in our pocket. How many have subscription tv. How many have large media systems in our homes. How many of us will either drive or use public transport to travel short distances.

Yes…sadly I agree. When something is so very vastly and incorrectly used by non practitioner…it doesn’t help the ones whom need the help. That is true for any kind of illnesses/aggravated situations.

Yes again for the screen…I mean I start to hear about parents whom need to learn how to play with their kids because they don’t know how to engage. Not people whom don’t love/care/want the best but just don’t know. What is that about???

Hmmm sometimes I look at them and feel proud that they’re not letting themselves get pushed around in the workplace like others used to when they were their age.

I was really confused when I read about parenting lessons being needed to teach people how to play with their DC, I would've thought that was obvious and largely instinctive but apparently not.

I can only think it's the social media generations where many people get their information, entertainment, advice and social engagement from screens? and are used to be constantly stimulated by screens?

I think it can only be that? On buses I see parents with little ones in pushchairs get on and put a 'phone playing kids TV in the pushchair then get off a few minutes later.

All generations tend to think that the ones behind us are lacking in some way but there is clearly something different happening if some of the new parents don't know how to play with their DC and DC are starting school and don't know what a book is, or how to put their clothes on or what cutlery is.

I listened to a podcast interview by Angela Rayner who I thought I might like but ultimately didn't. She said some really moving things about being brought up in an impoverished household with a mentally ill Mum who didn't care about her DC as only wanted to be a wife and not a Mother, and saw her DC as inconveniences resulting from the relationship with their Dad which was all she was focused on and wanted.

But Angela claimed she didn't realise till she was a teenage Mum and attending sure-start centres, that she was supposed to hug her DC as she'd never experienced that. She's 45, roughly the same age as me and I call BS on anyone from that era or even before, not realising you're supposed to hug your DC. It's usually instinctive and even if not, you can see from books or if not, from TV and films that it was common that parents hugged their DC in the 80s/90s and before.

But in modern days where people pick and choose what they consume via streaming services and social media so are only exposed to things they are actively choosing and often short-form content, I can see how it could happen that many people have little idea of what is normal behaviour.

I can only think it's the social media generations where many people get their information, entertainment, advice and social engagement from screens? and are used to be constantly stimulated by screens?

It can also be a trauma response, the nervous system struggles to relax enough for play, and children who are adultified in childhood literally don’t learn how to play. My DD has significantly early trauma and aged 6 was genuinely confused about how to play and use her imagination. Without intervention she would potentially have grown into an adult unable to play instinctively.

And parenting 40 years ago was very hands off in some sectors of society. My parents weren’t remotely huggy “I love you” types and wouldn’t have played with us, that’s what we had siblings for.

In my work I see lots of parents who don’t instinctively play with their kids - there’s always a story of trauma and poor parenting experience behind it. In those cases screen use is the symptom, not the cause.

Exactly my thought : trauma has caused previous « lacking » parents but now…start to appear well meaning parents whom don’t know. It is absolutely catastrophic.

they just don’t know.

Lol.

Social media response.

'it's trauma' yeah, everything is apparently.

Regardless of the fact that trauma has existed since the dawn of time and was in fact, more likely in previous generations.

But yeah, that's the reason for every shit behaviour now.

Social media response.

Actually 13 years of post grad professional training.

I agree. I lived paycheck to paycheck for pretty much most of my working life when I was single and I'm in my 60s. It's hardly a new thing.

I've never been "pushed around in the workplace" in my life, nor has anyone else I know in my age group.

We did however do as we were asked to by our bosses and didn't come up with weak excuses as to why we couldn't do so. We didn't have this notion that we could do just whatever we wanted to and get paid for it.

Yes his father is at home as often as he can be. He is a great dad, he works in the health sector, he understands his Son's limits and sets his boundries accordingly. My Grandsons mum was over the moon , jumping around excitedly the day the autistic diagnosis came in and as she said " oh great i don't need to go back to work" She is my Grandsons biggest roadblock not his Autism.

Sometimes people can say the most silly things…and no doubt there are difficulties. What she said isn’t great no. Should we judge her all character because she said one silly sentence and dealt with a nervous situation in not a great way?
‘I can agree her com could be better. Yes. That is about it. Also…how many women want to stay home caring for children and not « going to work » too…

if you want to show her lack of dedication. You will have to find something else than she is looking forward not to work out of the household :/

Agreed.

trauma: before
stuck in front of screen not playing/doing nothing : today

So you want them to do their full job AND move rooms?

I notice that you are scoffing at the idea meeting with the unions, managing sickness and coming up with a migration plan. rather than just doing your 'day job'. Pot, let me introduce you to kettle . . . .

NHS staff are ridiculous and that is why the NHS is so expensive and inefficient.

I agree. I work in academia and used to work directly with young students.
When I think of colleagues and myself 15 years ago (I'm 40) , we worked hard and mucked in and were happy to stay until the job was done. I don't see this now. Were we mugs? I'm not sure but the world has changed. Nowadays it's any excuse to work from home, can't come in because of X, Y, slept in, feel a bit sick, girlfriends dads getting his car fixed so I can't get a lift to work etc etc. Also when they do come in as soon as the urgent daily tasks are done they are out of the door! I wouldn't have dared.

I think it is partly pandemic and partly the change in parenting.
I have a DD and I can be quite tough in terms of making sure she attends school and doesn't make excuses to get out of things. I talk to her too I'd never pressurise her to do something if she was genuinely unwell or upset. You have to be careful these days I don't want to be too hard but I was brought up on self discipline and I think it's important.

A friend trains teenagers and tells me taking days off for MH reasons are common. They seem far less capable than when I was a teenager. They seem to dream up reasons for a few days off when they feel like.

Not in my experience. I'm a lawyer and we have 10 or so trainees join my firm a year. I'm pretty much always impressed by their work ethic and enthusiasm. They largely run all of our EDI initiatives and social / sport events alongside doing their actual jobs, and they're happy to work late and pitch in as needed.

Given that they're usually of an age which means their schooling and university experiences were badly disrupted by the pandemic, I'm hugely impressed that they came through that severe hardship and are such good team members.

It was not one silly sentence, she loves being at home, never worked more than a week at a time before she had her children and will never work another week in her life. She will be claiming PIP before the youngest is at school. Unfortunately that is who she is, her mother knows the benefit system inside out and at the age of 55 has never worked more than 16 hours a week in her ( for all of 3 years, term time only) life and never will, her daughter will be the same.

I hear you but if she is a good mother, I am not quite sure why you are annoyed?

the system is made so that if children struggle, parents can stay home. The fact that she gets to do what she prefers is of no wrong except if she does NOT take care of said child? People on benefit shouldn’t be made vilains.

I do hear that you think she is lazy. But you didn’t have a child with her so why do you care if she is indeed a good mom?
I do hear you think she isn’t a great model but again, you didn’t choose her so why do you formulate such a negative and obviously impacting image of her in your mind? That would sting your relationship… and sounds like the child could do with the more people involved.

I agree.
self discipline is how you can better yourself in any area you are interested into. No flaky can make it to the top. But they probably don’t want to anyway…maybe if they can’t find/keep a job/ not find someone as not financially stable/ not able to afford what they need…suddenly grafting will become the « new new thing » and they will start saying how past generations have done it so they can too?

I am pretty sure that families with wealth wouldn’t let their children steer away from discipline…

Oh do get a grip!!! In my last job we moved buildings and still managed to do our jobs without resorting to all the drama mentioned in that post.

It's a perfect example of the OP's concerns.