Do today's teenagers/20-somethings lack resilience?

[ToutesetBonne]

Prompted by another thread, I'm reminded of the number of times, at work, when I shake my head in disbelief about the dramas some of the younger staff create out of nothing!

I work for a lovely organisation in beautiful surroundings, with some of the best 'perks' I've ever encountered. Our salaries are well above average and we have free lunches, parking, and private health care.

Despite this, so many of our younger staff throw complete wobblies if asked to do anything that they perceive to be outside their role description, and have close to a breakdown if a manager (I am not one - no-one reports to me) queries any aspect of their work or asks them to change something in a written paper, or suggests that they might need some help with a task.

Where is the resilience? I am a labour voter who cringes at the expression 'snowflake' but, gosh, I'm beginning to see where it comes from!

I haven’t noticed this in my team. My direct reports are all very capable and quick learners. The inflexible ones tend to be older in my experience!

Thank you. You have summed up in one sentence what I was trying to convey.

Well the first one is now senior management and deputy director in Civil Service and second one behaved very diplomatically and got his point across - got an apology. So yes, they have - ta 😊

Why aren't the younger ones fired for poor performance?

At DS's company a grad was let go after failing probation. Another colleague in his late 20s was let go for poor performance.

Under 30, I take my hat off to them then.

Maddy70

Enough said eh?

I think there are ways of being assertive without being offensive.

I agree. Assertiveness and aggressiveness/offensiveness are completely different things.

My OH is an expert of being "assertive", and he hasn't an aggressive/offensive bone in his body, but he gets things done and gets what he want.

He's always polite, smiling, friendly, with literally everyone, but he's also very well read, intelligence, educated, confident, and will speak/act with authority, rather than shouting or with insults, because he genuinely knows his stuff, and won't say a word unless he knows chapter and verse!

Whether it's a shop assistant, NHS receptionist, traffic warden, neighbour, even friends/family, he is polite and friendly to a fault, but like I say, gets what he wants through confidence and assertiveness. I honestly don't think I've ever heard him raise his voice, not to me, our son, nor anyone else really - he's very softly spoken but chooses his words very carefully.

I think DS has got some of that from DH as now he's an adult and working/living away from us, he has grown a back bone. When we're with him and something goes wrong in some way, i.e. overcharged in a shop/restaurant, returning damaged goods (or just changed his mind) in a shop, he's brilliant and being polite, concise, factual, etc with what he wants, why he wants it, etc - no room for misunderstanding, keeps his cool even when the other party starts being a dick etc. Sounds like he does the same with his flat and furniture etc as he's had several problems with landlord/EA agents, furniture deliveries, etc., but he's sorted it all out himself, just giving us a running commentary of what's been wrong and that he's sorted it. Also same with his work - he's already had a few "kick backs" against certain things they've expected (i.e. trip to a different office without them wanting to pay for travel and subsistence etc), but he's "persuaded" them to do so without getting himself sacked!

I wonder if some of this is down to children being raised in such busy families? If mum and dad are both in full time jobs and kids are being driven here there and everywhere before and after school for clubs and whatever, and then weekends are stuffed with everything else that doesn't get done during the week, so kids have to be more 'managed' so that parents can be sure that everything is being covered? Less chance for kids to be bored, to hang around doing nothing at home in the holidays or have holiday jobs, much tighter parental control on where they are and when - because if you need to fit parenting into the spare hours, of necessity it's going to be more 'concentrated'.

It's awful, generalist threads like this that mean my 23yo and his psrtner cannot get a job! The resilience it takes to apply for roles, week in and out for months on end is huge.

I think we forget how much pressure there is when finding our feet in work. Expectations in many professonal workplaces are far too high. We all needed someone to show us how to do something the girst time or two. Back off and give some grace.

Exactly. That is no resilience quite the opposite.
resilience means you go with very much not your way and keep going though.

Whatvthey did is calling BS. We can all have ideas of that was good, smart bla-bla…but it was surely not resilience.

Doesn’t every generation trot out this line about the next?

Definitely correct op. I work in retail and honestly when we get staff in under the age of 25 it actually astounds me the amount of crying and hyperventilating that goes on over absolutely nothing. A customer doesn't say thanks or snatches a receipt that would elicit an eye roll from most folk ends up instead with staff member running to the toilet to cry for ten minutes then return and ask not to be put on the tills again. As i one off i would think its just a personality quirk but im seeing this more and more over the last 5 years.

You can see why when it comes to any thread on MN that involves a child who needs to be disciplined by their parents.

We need to stop using the pandemic as a universal excuse for everything, this problem of lack of resilience has been happening for 20 years. When I was teaching one parent wouldn't allow her 15 year old son go in work experience because he would need to leave home 10 minutes earlier and get on a bus, which he'd never done on his own.

Then it's a pity that the children are not getting better.

I don’t get to see too many 20 year olds but know someone in her 30’s who behaves like that, and her 5 yo is turning out the same way.

i just think of it as not getting her own way coping response…

If you read the whole thread people have commented that young people are not willing to put up with being treated poorly purely because they are young and new to the workforce. I do not think that is a bad thing - and yes, I do think you have to be pretty resilient to stand up for yourself - but I guess it is subjective.

Ironically, in my workplace, it is the older ones who go off sick with stress and stomp their feet and become vocal. I am in my fifties - it is people of my age group who are very resistant to doing anything outside of their job role and do not like any change.

As others have said though this has been going on from one generation to the next - the moaning about the younger generation.

That's exactly the point. Younger generations feel under no obligation to mould themselves into the perfect workers for a system that doesn't care about them and won't reward them.

What a load of nonsense. Why should anyone be "rewarded" for doing a job? You get paid, that's why you work. Anything over and above that is a bonus, it shouldn't be an expectation. The person paying you calls the shots. If you don't like it then you become self-employed.

Too many people seem to think the world owes them something - it doesn't.

I agree with several posters on this thread that not all young people are lacking in resilience (and a work ethic) - there are lots of fabulous young people - but posts like this highlight just how ridiculous things have become.

When I started my working life, less than a month after my 16th birthday, a young person wouldn't have dreamt of making a complaint about the time they were supposed to start, or leave, work - or anything else. If we had gone home and told our parents how hard it all was (I would have loved a 9 am start - my job started at 8.30 am, with a half hour commute, and at one stage I was sharing a car with someone who started at 8, so had to leave half an hour earlier than previously) they would have told us to suck it up. Managers told me off if I did something wrong, didn't "reward" me when I did well. Did any of this affect my mental health, of course it didn't. I had to do things in my job that I was nervous about doing, but I did them and guess what - eventually those things became second nature. I didn't require help from my parents in finding my first job, they never phoned in for me when I was sick - yet somehow I coped, along with everyone else in my age group.

How is that that so many are being brought up to believe that the world revolves around them and their wants? How is it that so many need hand holding as adults? How is it that so many don't understand that you do a job and you get paid for that - you don't need constant praise and rewards?

It isnt a lack of resilience to say that's not my job.

Or to refuse to do something they aren't paid to do

It's not an excuse, it's an observation backed up by numerous studies.

COVID-19 pandemic triggers 25% increase in prevalence of anxiety and depression worldwide

So don't be so arsy.

I have heard it suggested that it's because they have no real investment in the future.

All they see are generations older than them with things they can never hope to have, like a house. Meanwhile climate change and mass migrations are leading to a sense of general disorder and instability about the future.

Essentially they don't see the point. There is something a little bit terrifying about where this will end. It feels like a disempowered generation with a listlessness that is disturbing.

The other thing that's happened is that increasing inequality has led to more of a "lottery win" attitude to wealth acquisition. They don't seem to think they can earn they way up, they see it as a "get rich quick or never" situation.

They're not all like this, but there's a contingent.

It is important to show new starters the ropes properly and give them grace when they make mistakes at first. I'm training two young people and of course they make mistakes but I tell them not to worry, that we try again and do better next time and then keep a closer eye so I can spot mistakes before they happen. I know in time they will have got the hang of things, new skills always take time to learn. But if they had a bad attitude about their mistakes being pointed out, that would be an entirely different thing.

Well I think that says it all!! Teamwork is important in a workplace (as it is in many aspects of life) and the prima donnas who say "That's not my job", or "I don't get paid to do that" are beyond irritating - and someone else ends up having to do the job. I cringe when I hear those words.

As I've already said on this thread, the world owes you nothing, you get back what you put in, and if you aren't prepared to help out at times then don't expect anyone to help you.

When did people get so selfish?