Do today's teenagers/20-somethings lack resilience?

[ToutesetBonne]

Prompted by another thread, I'm reminded of the number of times, at work, when I shake my head in disbelief about the dramas some of the younger staff create out of nothing!

I work for a lovely organisation in beautiful surroundings, with some of the best 'perks' I've ever encountered. Our salaries are well above average and we have free lunches, parking, and private health care.

Despite this, so many of our younger staff throw complete wobblies if asked to do anything that they perceive to be outside their role description, and have close to a breakdown if a manager (I am not one - no-one reports to me) queries any aspect of their work or asks them to change something in a written paper, or suggests that they might need some help with a task.

Where is the resilience? I am a labour voter who cringes at the expression 'snowflake' but, gosh, I'm beginning to see where it comes from!

No you don’t.

that is called : inexperienced, new to…, foolish? Some think is good. Some thinks it is bad. But it defo not is resilience.

Yes.

It isnt a lack of resilience to say that's not my job.
Or to refuse to do something they aren't paid to do

Most workplaces rely on a degree of goodwill, flexibility and willingness. I do things all the time that aren’t strictly my job but that need to be done while a team member is on holiday, off sick or it’s a job that doesn’t really belong to anyone. My team wouldn’t function if we weren’t all pretty flexible and prepared to cover for each other.

Someone arguing it’s not their job simply wouldn’t pass probation. Being able to pull together is an important quality in the workplace.

There’s teamwork and then there’s piling up jobs/tasks or even doing a completely different job than the one you applied for with no extra remuneration or recognition. Very often you don’t get back what you put in.

No experience so no opinion. What I will say is that the children of parents who post on MN saying they've complained to the school about a teacher's loud voice/their child getting a detention for yawning too loudly/missing out on a trip for bad behaviour/getting pulled up for the wrong uniform are not doing their little darlings any favours for life as a young adult.

Interesting that days later this thread is STILL all about workplace behaviour, as if that's the sole indication of character. You have no idea how resilient (or not) these young people are outside of work (which is both more important in the grand scheme of things, and a truer reflection of their personality).

Going "above and beyond" at work and "being a team" has fuck all to do with resilience anyway? In my first job out of uni, about 20 years ago, I failed on both counts because I realised very quickly I didn't want a career in that field. It was a means to get by while I worked on moving into something else.

You are not owed employees who do a single bit more than what's in their contract.

You are not owed employees who do a single bit more than what's in their contract.

Most contracts have an “any other reasonable duties” clause.

I’ve noticed this in nursing. God help the NHS in a few years.

I understand being depressed during lockdown, but it's over now.

I used to manage a team of counsellors in the NHS and they were, by and large, middle aged women (as am I these days!)

They were the worst people I've ever had to manage due to the fragility and lack of resilience. It was hard to give any of them any feedback, everything got resistance, from the admin and CPD requirements to renewing accreditations. Some of them were also very bitchy with each other. Counselling, in general, has a good number of women who have a "nicey nice" veneer, but underneath are mean girls. They didn't like me because I was younger than most of them, and had trained as a psychologist, so there was an automatic "you think you're better than us". I didn't at first, until I got to know these characters!

As for the younger staff, the team manager of the admins where I work now does tend to complain about the younger ones, but she's young herself, so I think she has the issue of young adult staff treating her more like a mate than a manager. She finds it hard to have difficult conversations with them and will take on work herself rather than delegate it to people who won't do it properly. Younger adults aren't used to and probably rightly won't accept authoritarian management, but a wet blanket approach doesn't really help either!

Why foolish? You could not get much more resilient, independent and /respectful/ respected than my boys - they know their worth. They are also very successful in what they do - it works for them.

What on earth ? !

Or their Mummy would write a note saying they weren't allowed to go to war!

One way we could maybe start to reverse the trend is to tell children that being fed up, a bit upset, annoyed, pissed off are just normal feelings and do not call for medical intervention, they'll pass quickly.

Definitely nothing to do with age. My experience of bridge clubs is that pensioners are some of the worst for whinging at trivial things.

If the reason they are pissed off is because of someone else's unreasonable behaviour, why shouldn't they call it out?

Behind every accusation of snowflake is an entitlement attitude to do what you want without regard for the impact on other people whilst taking no comeback. Entitlement has definitely got worse over recent decades, the deterioration of the behaviour of the general public is a manifestation of this entitlement attitude, and is why we now get bombarded with notices and announcements telling us not to be abusive or violent to public facing members of staff (like people should really need told told this like toddlers).

If the reason they are pissed off is because of someone else's unreasonable behaviour, why shouldn't they call it out?

Not everything needs to be called out though, minor annoyances are just that - teaching kids to pick their battles, to learn to let stuff go is as valuable as teaching them when to stand up for themselves. The reality is people can be annoying, they might be unreasonable at times but you’d never be done “calling people out” if you let every single thing bother you.

The world doesn’t function for my pleasure, sadly, sometimes it’s not worth the bother challenging things, sometimes it’s not my battle even if it does annoy me and sometimes no amount of complaining or challenging will change things. At which point knowing how to let it go is a valuable life lesson.

Not exactly a new phenomenon either. Except it would’ve been Daddy and his connections.

There's undoubtedly an increase in low resilience amongst all age groups, including the young where I agree with others its likely due in part to "lawnmower" parenting that prevents a growing child facing, and having to deal with, minor challenges as they grow up. But it's unfair and incorrect to tar a whole generation surely.
This is DD28's story. Graduated; worked a year as a swim teacher/zero hours runner in film; worked on min wage as a runner in media; lost her job in 2020 when moving jobs and the new one evaporated due to Covid; got a new job after 6mths and worked 40-60 hrs per week, min wage, no paid overtime (so less than min wage) in a small, bitchy team where work was very physical. It nearly broke her but she persevered for 9 mths. Now in a decently paid job but still frequently having to work long hours.
DDS26's story. Spent most of yrs 3 and 4 Uni at home during Covid, so remote lectures and exams; first job was fully remote, decently paid on paper but turned out no tax/NI or pension was paid despite being deducted; one year unemployment; 15 mths in a min wage job in a crappy Heathrow industrial estate where he regularly worked 60 hr weeks (unpaid O/T) and had way too much responsibility pushed on to him; now in a decently paid job with a proper company.
I don't think they lack resilience - they've gone through challenges that I never had to face at their age. And, unlike my generation, they don't feel confident that as long as they put the effort in they will be treated fairly and be able to progress in life.

@NattyTurtle59 Glad you think it’s funny.

DD1 term into secondary - 11 wanted to go into small city center - perfectly safe with friends. The drama the other parents made was unreal - in end lifts there and back by car were insted upon and another family went in and trail after them. DH and I were taking public transport into our nearby shopping areas at same age - they could have walked so were really bemused by it all.

DD2 was in a group with a few younger siblings in common as that group - summer between primary and secondary they started at nearby playgrounds and slowly built up distance they were away and time they spent out. Then it was only a few streets from shops - and poped in for drinks - literally slowly training their adults into allowing them normal freedoms.

I think there's a general lack of resilience these days. Not just in the young either.

I agree with this 100%. I find it ageist and galling, all these posters queueing up to state how much better they are than the younger generation. Reading a few threads gives the lie to that - they are full of adult posters unable to directly speak up to their friends, colleagues, neighbours, family, playing the victim when challenged, claiming ADHD, autism, ME, anxiety to excuse their patheticness and generally displaying all the resilience of a damp tissue.

This is not a younger generation problem. At all.

For the record, my youngest child has just graduated and is working as a community psychiatric nurse in an inner city unit. Tell me again how she lacks resilience?!

Agreed.

that is called maturing. This can’t happen if all the « bad feelings » are treated as things to avoid. Bad situations to avoid, yes. Bad feelings, no. That is normal.

Arf. No.

there is two side of each story yes but it will be difficult to call a cat a dog because said dog tries to miaow…

resilience doesn’t imply rudeness or not knowing your worth too. Are things not ok to call out? Of course not! And we have in our history loads of people whom did it. Suffered the consequences and left a world better behind them.
however,
to complain that someone said tit for tat blalala…not resilience or calling out, I would also say that they aren’t successful at all.

That.

At 12, I would take the bus to train station (multiple directions so had to go on correct arrival stop) take a train for 1 stop to then walk from train station up to the house of a good friend.
often I would be dropped back so I don’t have darkness to deal with.