Is it me, or are these friends exploiting us?

[JohnPrescottsPyjamas]

Posted before about this couple who sold their house and wanted to stay in our place whilst we were away on holiday.

We’ve been friends for several years. Great company, charming people, but incredibly disorganised and unable to prioritise their life - not our problem, except they have a habit of offloading their crises onto those around them. Everything is always left to the last minute and I don’t know how they do it, but they manage to get a freebie off someone or get everyone running around after them, whether it’s a friend of a friend offering holiday accommodation, a cheap decorator or last minute dog sitter etc etc. For example, DH ended up doing an exceptionally long airport run for them recently because they didn’t want to take their car, the more convenient local airport didn’t fly on a day that suited them (it was to another freebie overseas apartment) and the lift was presented to him as, “are you still ok to take us to……” which he felt obliged to do as he said he honestly couldn’t remember agreeing to, but felt he couldn’t let them down! No offer of petrol etc, just bought DH a coffee and a cake.

They sold their house, have made a nice profit, now cash buyers and looking to downsize, but they have have not planned where they were going to live, refuse to pay for a short term rental and are essentially sofa surfing until they find somewhere to buy. They’ve dropped great big hints suggesting they could stay with us for around a month whilst they search as we “have the room” as clearly they have outstayed their welcome the other friends they have been staying with. We do have the space, and there is no reason why I should say no, but I’m beginning to feel a bit of a mug.

AIBU to say no as it’s only a month and we’ve been friends for a long time, or is not unreasonable to say no, they need to make their own arrangements?

This is reminding me of the thread by PreviouslyOnLost, where she refused to take a neighbour's child to school on a permanent basis - beginning on the first day of Reception! - on the grounds of previous CF behaviour.

They are only PRETENDING to be disorganised / ditsy, ie they are ACTING so they can take advantage of people

No no no no no no! Just no. A thousand times no

Yes, they are not bad at planning. They are actually excellent strategists, probably with spreadsheets of who can provide what.

They think a lot about how to achieve this, and work hard at it. Lazy they are not.

Do not engage any further.

It's time to hand this back to them and step away a bit.
They have got you thinking about this, where they will live ,how unwise, last minute etc they are
No
Just no and dont get any further dragged in

It's almost crazy that two people who are this way managed to find each other.

This.
Freeloading cheeky twats………you’d never be rid of them………please DO NOT take them in. They have the financial means for Air B&B or a short term let……….it would be different if they’d lost their home to a fire etc. They’re just taking the piss.

Just thinking about this I often offer to help friends with things like feeding their cat when they’re away or pick up some shopping if they’re unwell or whatever, and they offer the same for me, but the offers are always refused because most normal people don’t want to take a favour from people other than immediate family because they don’t want to inconvenience their friends or end up in a reciprocal favour sharing thing that they then can’t get out of.

I would accept a favour in a life or death situation, but otherwise I’d rather be inconvenienced or spend additional money on takeaways or a cattery or whatever and I bet if you think about it you’re probably the same, if your friends are always accepting favours and never reciprocating that’s just not socially acceptable behaviour.

I’d certainly much prefer to pay for airport parking or take a taxi than ask someone to drive me a long way and inconvenience them.

We sold before the house we wanted was ready (it was an offer we couldn't refuse). We rented holiday accommodation in various places for three months, and that was a really speedy purchase. You could end up hosting them for a very long time.

Lurker here. How old are the couple? (Not relevant but would be interesting to know.) They are certainly able to sniff out people pleasers. Stay strong, OP. The older I got and menopause made it easier to say no to the takers.

It’s going to be a lot more uncomfortable asking them to leave after a month if they still have no house than saying no now.

Both 50s, and both took early retirement.

I was wondering if these grifters had jobs! They do actually sound like house and pet sitting would suit them. Honestly, suggest it when you tell them you can't have them to stay.

That’s not actually a bad idea - thank you, and would probably suit them. A useful card to throw on the table when the subject of accommodation comes up again.

The annoying thing is; there is definitely money in the background, so there is no need for this type of behaviour. One had very wealthy parents and a privileged background, along the lines of colonial upbringing, servants, boarding/finishing school, bank of mother and father. The other has, from what we understand, a guaranteed pension.

Perhaps this is the actual issue? A sense of entitlement and having someone else running around after them.

There was a thread on here a while back, similar to this.

Freeloading couple, always crying poor, who eventually retired at 50 with 3 investment properties, whilst the gang of friends had been funding their lifestyle for years. Whilst they of course pled poverty.

'Oh yes Jane don't worry, I'll get you a wine'

Right

"Sorry, too much on at the moment. That doesn't work for us. You should take a look at house sitters.com?"

Knock it on the head now. Suggest a few local air BnBs to them “ and hopefully they’ll find somewhere permanent soon as otherwise it’ll be expensive “
I used to be a doormat , then I grew some and now I’m quite blunt . Obviously not as popular but nowhere near as stressed and exhausted !

I love the idea of a Cheeky Chuffers board. Reading this thread has reminded me of a couple that I know.

I know for a fact that they are really well paid, but are always crying poor and haven't paid for a single thing for the past 5 years that I've known them.
They managed to make themselves first in line for all the baby hand-me-downs, like cribs, clothes, bouncers etc. I made the mistake of lending them my buggy, and asked for it back when I got pregnant with Baby #2. It took me MONTHS to get it back because they were 'still using it'. Like, so what, it's my property!?

They also seem to know a million people abroad and have endless free accomodation for holidays, they don't have a car so get endless lifts from people. The wife made a rude comment about me putting my DC in nursery. I then later discovered that a friend of mine has been an unpaid babysitter for her two DC while she worked part-time.

The absolute cheek of it. It's making me rage all over again, haha! I'm obviously not friends with them anymore, I couldn't cope. I'm just no wired that way at all. I can't even accept money from my own parents.

Just explain that your flatulence is so out of control these days you really couldn’t do it to them.

It sounds as if house sitting vacant properties is right up their street.

It won’t be a month!

Say nothing until the inevitable question/demand. Then a breezy
Oh no that's out the question staying here. Most people use an Airbnb. If the cheeky cf ask why say doesn't work for us on repeat.

You need to put your foot down and tell them to get out. They are not your friends they are taking the piss. Stop letting them. Failure to plan on their part does not constitute an emergency on yours and no is a complete sentence!

A fascinating insight, that one of them at least might have been brought up in a social caste where these kinds of favour could be expected.

Bit random....

Where do they get their mail delivered to if they're still not settled in a home of their own?

”We don’t want to pay £2500 for a month! Especially when we could stay for free with you” They were even wondering if estate agents offered empty houses free for short term occupancy - as if?!

Haha! Meanwhile, back in the real world. I’m 50s and my rent’s £2500 a month. If I had £150k in the bank it’d be like dying and going to heaven. Though you don’t get much these days in most of the country for £150k, without a hefty mortgage. And presumably they won’t get one if they’re not working. So, if they’re buying anything costly they must have more money squirrelled away or income rolling in.

Doesn’t surprise me they’re from a wealthy background. It’s how the rich stay rich. Two cars in the drive and nothing in the fridge 😂. Any opportunity to grift a freebie. I guess they play on the manners of polite society who haven’t got the front to tell them to piss off.

Just say you don’t want guests at the moment. For all they know you could be having a health scare, marital probs etc.