Is it me, or are these friends exploiting us?

[JohnPrescottsPyjamas]

Posted before about this couple who sold their house and wanted to stay in our place whilst we were away on holiday.

We’ve been friends for several years. Great company, charming people, but incredibly disorganised and unable to prioritise their life - not our problem, except they have a habit of offloading their crises onto those around them. Everything is always left to the last minute and I don’t know how they do it, but they manage to get a freebie off someone or get everyone running around after them, whether it’s a friend of a friend offering holiday accommodation, a cheap decorator or last minute dog sitter etc etc. For example, DH ended up doing an exceptionally long airport run for them recently because they didn’t want to take their car, the more convenient local airport didn’t fly on a day that suited them (it was to another freebie overseas apartment) and the lift was presented to him as, “are you still ok to take us to……” which he felt obliged to do as he said he honestly couldn’t remember agreeing to, but felt he couldn’t let them down! No offer of petrol etc, just bought DH a coffee and a cake.

They sold their house, have made a nice profit, now cash buyers and looking to downsize, but they have have not planned where they were going to live, refuse to pay for a short term rental and are essentially sofa surfing until they find somewhere to buy. They’ve dropped great big hints suggesting they could stay with us for around a month whilst they search as we “have the room” as clearly they have outstayed their welcome the other friends they have been staying with. We do have the space, and there is no reason why I should say no, but I’m beginning to feel a bit of a mug.

AIBU to say no as it’s only a month and we’ve been friends for a long time, or is not unreasonable to say no, they need to make their own arrangements?

I had a similar friend who was amazing company, well off but an absolute CF. Lifts to airports, moving furniture, gardening, splitting the bill when she would over order for herself etc etc.

What she did teach me was how to say no as she was constantly turning refusing to do anything that put her out, what so ever.

Basically she would just smile regretfully and say no she didn’t want to.

I realised some people just enjoy getting what they can from others.

Say that no they can’t stay at your place. Tell them not to ask you about this anymore. You could also say that this is the end of the friendship. Good luck for the future. You will reply to any more contact and block them. They are CFs

You’re much too kind for your own good! How you’ve refrained from replying, “Aren’t you a pair of cheeky minxes! A garage full of free storage and now this?!?! Unfortunately not able to help on this occasion, how’s the house hunting going? Any thoughts about when you wanted your bits back?”

No no and no.

It wouldn’t be a month, and they’d expect you to pay for everything.

Just no.

Op just say we aren't having guests rinse repeat
If you offer solutions then you are getting drawn in and the huffing and puffing starts
"No guests atm" "
oooh btw did you see what Trump, the vicar,my cat said"

The minute you offer a solution/ advice you are in their trap

Blimey OP, the more you post the worse they sound. Please don't say yes to them, they are total CF.

Guess where? And we weren’t even asked!

DH has just reminded me, and I’d actually forgotten, that they day they moved out of their old house, they even left behind some gardening equipment and somehow managed to persuade the purchasers to store it for them until they were ready to collect it! That’s the sort of people they are!

Dbil moved in with us for a 'couple of days' a few years ago while he 'looked' for somewhere to rent til the property he was renovating was ready. That couple of days turned into 6 months and he paid us £20! That £20 included all his washing drinks and cleaning done by us. He went to mil for meals and she got £20 too! So £40 for six months. We've never let anyone stay again unless they were ill.

Ah, I think there might be a social class element underpinning the cheeky fuckery.

If you read early and mid-twentieth-century fiction it seems to be rife with people staying in other people’s homes for ages, as a normal way of life. Which of course is fine if you live in a rambling vicarage or country house with ‘help’ on hand. Not so great in a three-bed semi!

there is no reason why I should say no,

they will be with you in September still as they are so disorganised
it will ruin the friendship completely
They will eat your food they will not clear up after themselves - they grew up with servants
do you want me to go on?

As PP states throw in that house and pet sitting in glorious houses is just up their street as they get the house to themselves and free acclimation - but don't suggest it until they really drop heavier hints and don't give an excuse as to why they can't stay with you if they ask directly - just say oh darling house sitting will be so much better for you, get on the websites and pick somewhere nice

Guess where? And we weren’t even asked!

Unless it's my own DC I wouldn't be at all happy with anyone using my address.

You should write 'not known at this address' on everything and put it in a post box.

I agree will all the other 'no, that doesn't work for us, sure you will figure something out' (sure something will fall into your lap as usual)

Also, long stay guests can impact on the validity of your house insurance. Particularly, contents insurance.

They are registered at your address?
Are you nuts?

You are now financially linked to them and they could be up to allsorts
It sounds like your relationship with them is over anyway.
Say no
Ask them to stop using your address
If they don't stop write not known at this address.
I would be suspicious they are deep in debt
This sounds very very odd

What's happening re food - are the buying their own and treating you? Bloody free loaders - no wonder they can retire early!!!!

Jesus OP you’ve got their shit in your garage and their post coming to yours, you seriously need to get a grip on this now. Tell them you seem to have received their post and you didn’t agree to this and you think they’re taking advantage now, can they get it directed elsewhere and come and get the stuff from your garage asap.

I would get them to send their post to a PO box. Do not accept their post.

They may have money but they clearly don't want to spend it. They'd rather put others out for their convenience.

A hard, hard no. And I'd also give them an end date for clearing out your garage.

People like this will continue to take so long as you're willing to give.

To be fair, they’re not registered at our address, they’ve just given the post office our address to redirect anything from their old house. We’re not receiving anything addressed to them with our house details included.

My background is the financial industry, so if I thought for a minute our address was being used for any applications, that would be a whole different story.

That's still a major overstep, especially as they didn't ask for permission first! Thy could have redirected it to a PO box, but I suppose that might cost some money...!!

It'll never end up being just a month, I'm travelling to Thailand to see a friend next year with the whole family, she politely went "I'm sorry we can't put you up but here's the links to three lovely hotels nearby and we can plan day trips" plus the links. I doubt she had space for all of us, but she didn't say that and it was a super polite way of basically telling me no sponging free accomodation, which is totally fair enough and I took no offense. Send them the link to air bnb and tell them "sorry no, I don't think we can have guests that long, why don't you get an air bnb nearby and we can still see lots of you"

Their stuff is gone this weekend from your garage. They can put it in storage. The redirection of post stops immediately. Anything will be returned as unknown. What cfs.

Having people stay for s weekend is one thing. I wouldn't want people being there while I'm at work/kids have school etc. You can usually manage things for a couple of days, but there's no way most of us could take a month off work, and having to work and come home to guests is trying.For me, it was hard enough taking care of family members when they'd just got out of hospital, but friends who don't really need to be there? I'd be wary, personally.

I've seen far too many posts on here, of kind hosts who've extended a spare room for a period of time to a 'friend' only to find that they can't get rid of them. When the allotted date comes up for friend to leave, they don't!

DON'T DO IT, OP.

You will surely regret it. You won't be able to get rid of them and it could well sour the relationship forever.

Find a really decent excuse and stick to it.

They’ve actually currently got far more than £150k, they’ve got a much healthier bank balance after the sale of their previous property. The £150k is what they’ve budgeted and planned they will be left with after they purchase their next home because they’re allegedly downsizing!
This is really what I find so frustrating. You have to live somewhere, so that’s cost that most people will build into their figures. What they are doing is saving thousands by sofa surfing and storing stuff in other’s garages and outhouses.