Is it me, or are these friends exploiting us?

[JohnPrescottsPyjamas]

Posted before about this couple who sold their house and wanted to stay in our place whilst we were away on holiday.

We’ve been friends for several years. Great company, charming people, but incredibly disorganised and unable to prioritise their life - not our problem, except they have a habit of offloading their crises onto those around them. Everything is always left to the last minute and I don’t know how they do it, but they manage to get a freebie off someone or get everyone running around after them, whether it’s a friend of a friend offering holiday accommodation, a cheap decorator or last minute dog sitter etc etc. For example, DH ended up doing an exceptionally long airport run for them recently because they didn’t want to take their car, the more convenient local airport didn’t fly on a day that suited them (it was to another freebie overseas apartment) and the lift was presented to him as, “are you still ok to take us to……” which he felt obliged to do as he said he honestly couldn’t remember agreeing to, but felt he couldn’t let them down! No offer of petrol etc, just bought DH a coffee and a cake.

They sold their house, have made a nice profit, now cash buyers and looking to downsize, but they have have not planned where they were going to live, refuse to pay for a short term rental and are essentially sofa surfing until they find somewhere to buy. They’ve dropped great big hints suggesting they could stay with us for around a month whilst they search as we “have the room” as clearly they have outstayed their welcome the other friends they have been staying with. We do have the space, and there is no reason why I should say no, but I’m beginning to feel a bit of a mug.

AIBU to say no as it’s only a month and we’ve been friends for a long time, or is not unreasonable to say no, they need to make their own arrangements?

Total cheeky fuckers.

End this now, you need your garage back and all mail, not known at this address

As previous posters have said, tell them that no, sorry it doesn’t work for you, if they persist and you don’t want to be brutally honest, then say you’re having the upstairs decorated soon so there isn’t a free room.

It will be interesting when they do have a house, how long they try and leave things in your garage rather than collect them and store them in their own garage (unless it’s furniture of course, then they’ll probably ask you to deliver it for them!)

Out of interest - how long have they paid for the post office mail re-direction service ?

This is a very accurate observation. I would print it and put it on my fridge door if I were you OP.

No, the airport run would bave put my back up tbh. Imagine if they are staying at yours, they likely wont offer a penny towards anything, eat your food, use your toiletries and ask for lifts.
And then probably stay longer than theh said they were going to. And then you would not want to see them again anyway.
At this point I wouldnt be bothered if I never saw them again, so would say no.

Took us 18 months to find and buy our new house as cash buyers. Do not host them. There are plenty of Airbnb options.

Good question. They completed on their previous house 3 months ago, so I assume at least for that period.

Following everyone's feedback on here yesterday - for which, many thanks as I felt far more empowered by all your supportive comments - I messaged last night and made it clear we would not be hosting them on their return. I was a bit cowardly as I did it in a WhatsApp, but also felt that way they wouldn’t be able to bamboozle me and meant I was able avoid that awkward face to face silence when I’m likely to feel I have to justify my reasons.

I’ve received a message this morning basically saying, no worries, a friend of a friend in France has an available holiday let and they will be relocating there until the end of June! I don’t know who they have tapped for a favour this time, but no doubt they’re happy because they don’t have any rental costs. However, when they eventually fly back to the ‘inconvenient’ airport (that took DH on a 4 hour round trip!) unless they can get another friend to pick them up, the taxi home will set them
back a bit as now their return date has changed and we will definitely be unavailable that day - whenever it is!

I read this out to DH and he agreed - we are being treated a bit like ‘staff’ There seems to be an element of entitlement and expectation that someone else will do the running around and organising. Almost like learned helplessness with a manipulative side. They certainly don’t do stress, they just offload it on to others.

Thank you for firing up my inner rebel!

Give it a few days and then let them know that they need to empty your garage of their belongings by C date. They will have to pay for storage like everybody else otherwise if something gets damp or damaged they will expect you to pay for it.

They can afford this!

Never paid for holiday accommodation in how many years??? Have how much sat in the bank and happily having a holiday after holiday rather than buying a house or finding a rental.

My adult DS made a good point this morning too. He said that, assuming they had put the capital of the house sale proceeds on an interest bearing account, it would be generating an income of around £1800 a month, which would go a long way to covering any rental costs.

Less tax 🙂 - but your DS is right.

Well done for waking up.

You and your husband sound far too nice to be making so little of yourself for these people.

A 4 hour round trip?
Absolute madness.

Get your space back and start returning to sender on post.

Exactly. Even if they found a house they wanted to buy on the first day they moved in with you it could easily take several months for their house purchase to go through !

It wont be a month tho in reality. No no no. Start a whole house decorating plan which will tutn the place upside down! All stuff stored in spare rooms!!

They seem to be allergic to spending their own money! Tell them you’re sorry but isn’t convenient. Which is true. I’m sure they find spending their own money inconvenient but tough bloody luck!

How are they going to house hunt from France?

They sound utterly insufferable, I really couldn’t put up with that.

If I were in these circumstances it would be a big fat "No that doesn't work and while we're on the subject, please remove your furniture by xx date as we need the garage"

They aren’t ditzy and disorganised if they’ve both managed to comfortably retire in their 50s with a load of money in the bank. This is very much feigned incompetence with a heavy dose of entitlement.

You've done well, OP, and will probably find that now you've been more assertive with them it'll become a lot easier when the next request rolls round

And it will roll round when the French place runs out because they too realise they're being taken advantage of, but at least you've got a breather for now

I promise you, this is entirely true.

When they were heading off to France in April, he actually said to me, “If we see a house we like the look of online, would you go and look and look at it for us and let us know what you think?”

I did laugh it off with him at the time and tell him what our priorities were and what we would look for in a home and theirs were quite different, so no. But I truly think he was serious!

If they are fucking off to France for a whole month, I would be saying that they need to move their shit before they leave because you thought they would only use your garage for a limited period and they clear have no intention of getting a new house any time soon. If they don't then you will dispose of it yourself to the tip on X date.

This could go on for years whilst they get their arse in gear, meanwhile it's a nuisance for you.

OMG. This is literally so useful to think about it like this. I've been vaguely thinking about moving but hate to be in a chain, want to be in the best position, yet didn't like the the thought of 'wasting money' on rent. This is very neat.

@JohnPrescottsPyjamas The next message to them needs to be along the lines of
omg, the garage has a water leak/rat infestation/mould issues (take your pick) need it emptied urgently to sort problem, can you arrange for a truck to collect your stuff to take to a storage unit. It will all have to go to the tip next week if not.

They can’t prove otherwise if they aren’t in the country 👌

Low cunning. I like it!

No it isn’t.
i come from a wealthy background and would never treat friends this way.
DH is from a very poor background. I regret to say members of his family have freeloading tendencies which I despise.