Is it me, or are these friends exploiting us?

[JohnPrescottsPyjamas]

Posted before about this couple who sold their house and wanted to stay in our place whilst we were away on holiday.

We’ve been friends for several years. Great company, charming people, but incredibly disorganised and unable to prioritise their life - not our problem, except they have a habit of offloading their crises onto those around them. Everything is always left to the last minute and I don’t know how they do it, but they manage to get a freebie off someone or get everyone running around after them, whether it’s a friend of a friend offering holiday accommodation, a cheap decorator or last minute dog sitter etc etc. For example, DH ended up doing an exceptionally long airport run for them recently because they didn’t want to take their car, the more convenient local airport didn’t fly on a day that suited them (it was to another freebie overseas apartment) and the lift was presented to him as, “are you still ok to take us to……” which he felt obliged to do as he said he honestly couldn’t remember agreeing to, but felt he couldn’t let them down! No offer of petrol etc, just bought DH a coffee and a cake.

They sold their house, have made a nice profit, now cash buyers and looking to downsize, but they have have not planned where they were going to live, refuse to pay for a short term rental and are essentially sofa surfing until they find somewhere to buy. They’ve dropped great big hints suggesting they could stay with us for around a month whilst they search as we “have the room” as clearly they have outstayed their welcome the other friends they have been staying with. We do have the space, and there is no reason why I should say no, but I’m beginning to feel a bit of a mug.

AIBU to say no as it’s only a month and we’ve been friends for a long time, or is not unreasonable to say no, they need to make their own arrangements?

This is not your problem to fix.

I remember your previous thread about this couple. No suggestions as how to deal with them. I have similar friends. I love them and find them quite entertaining but equally annoying.

Not At This Address. Please Return To Sender.

maybe they could try spareroom.co.uk - they could get a spare room in a house. it's cheaper than airbnb!

I'd send this over and say, sorry we can't host you but I'm sure there'll be something on here!

I hope you refuse to accommodate them.

You want to say no so say no. No need to justify it even to yourself. And it seems pretty likely that month will stretch on…

This really. When they’re not on the scrounge, they’re very sweet and great fun. it’s just the apparent entitlement and obliviousness that stuns me.

Several years ago, they had a family wedding whilst we were away on holiday. They actually asked if some of their relatives - whom we’ve never met - could stay in our home over the weekend. I drew the line at that because I certainly didn’t want total strangers in my house, particularly when I wasn’t there and there is a Premier Inn less than a mile away from the venue.

Why find an excuse?

"You've taken massive liberties without checking whether it was ok first. Youve assumed we would do x, y and z. This isn't ok with us. We don't want to live with someone else, because its an intrusion on our personal space and we feel uncomfortable with that. If someone is staying with us as a visit thats a completely different scenario - even if its because we know if we have an argument we can ask them to leave and they have somewhere to go. The idea of you staying here isn't cost free for us, but you complain about the cost of renting somewhere. We shouldnt have to pay for your food, electricity, water, council tax etc etc and thats what you are asking. Equally we don't need extra income from lodgers. We are ALREADY being more than accomodating."

"If you have a problem with me saying no, then your belonging will be left on the driveway told for you to collect and all future post will be returned sender. I do not appreciate emotional blackmail, so don't try it. This is your problem to fix, not mine to bail you out."

No no no no no! Absolutely do not let these cheap-stakes stay- you won’t get rid of them for months as you can bet the sale will be delayed or fall through. Plus what about food costs, drinks, laundry, extra utilities cost etc. no wonder their other friends are sick of them.
also get their mail redirected asap. If they don’t have a permanent address then they need to pay for a PO box

id go with “no that doesn’t work for us. And I’ve been meaning to speak to you about the belonging stored in our garage. We need that space back. Can you please arrange for it to be removed by x date”

Even if you don’t need the space back and don’t pursue it they will be too scared to ask you for a favour again in case you raise it again

If you generally like them and they laugh at their own hopelessness, can one of you pull off roaring with laughter about the idea of them staying with others for free when they have so much in the bank? 'You're such CFs you two haha how do you do it haha you're marvelous, I must watch and learn, haha course you're not bloody staying for a month haha, get your wallet out and get an Airbnb!'

The more you write the more I get the vibe that they believe you and your husband are dim useful peasants.

It's a theme I have noticed on MN of people being used and taken advantage of those they perceive to be above them socially?

It really is hard to understand how people get into a situation that you describe, of being their taxi service, storage and postal service etc....to now full on moving into your home.

It really isn't normal behaviour among equals.
They sound like complete leeches that monetise their relationships with people by how they can be of use to them.

Of course they are going to be charming to the serfs they use.

How long would they be around if you said No is the question you appear slow to ask yourself?

They retired early and live off and holiday off any duffers they latch on to.

You can be sure they are laughing at you, not with you.

Surely the obvious question has arisen between you and your husband how these ditzy confused people always manage to land on their feet, with some other idiot paying the bill?

Don't allow these grifters to continue to use and abuse your good nature.

Real friends do not behave like this.
It really is only on planet MN.

It takes huge cunning to live off people and holiday off people for years.
Nothing ditzy about them.

You are both too nice. They're really not.

@JohnPrescottsPyjamasHow long was the airport run that your husband did for them?

Not that it makes any difference, they are undeniably cheeky fuckers.

I just wouldn’t do an airport run for anybody other than elderly parents, my husband or my kids.

If somebody has the money to go on holiday, they have the money to book parking or pay for a taxi.

Why is your husbands time not worth anything? Or his petrol?

I’d take great pleasure in not engaging to be honest. I just wouldn’t entertain it. Their mess is not yours to fix.

What would happen if their furniture is damaged whilst being stored in your garage?

I bet they would expect you to pay for replacements.

Just be careful OP, with the storage and accepting their post you are putting yourself in a vulnerable position.

Also OP, some people see saving money almost like a game and a sense of duty to their honour of the game of ‘saving money at all costs’.

You’ve rolled over in the past. They’re just waiting for you to fold and they’ll keep wearing you down until you do.

They’ll be quite miffed when you say no as they’ll think you ruined their game and fun. How could you not play along? Don’t you realise the joy of saving all that cash is part of the thrill the chase the triumph. Of course only they get to enjoy those feelings.

They’re absolute CFers, addicted to enriching themselves at other’s expense, literally.

They just get worse with every update. I don't know how you tolerate them. If they bring up staying at yours again and how expensive it is to rent for a month, I would say, 'yes it's just the sort of thing you have to factor into your moving costs isn't it. That's what savings are for, lucky you've got that x amount put away.'

I couldn't be friends with people like this would drive me insane. You are infinitely kinder than I am OP.

I wouldn't be picking them up from the airport after their holiday.

They have nowhere to go to so guess where they'll end up by default - your place

I couldn't be friends with people like that, I don't care how nice and fun they are they're still nothing but users.

I would pointedly say: If I could tolerate long staying guests then the space would already be on Airbnb. And actually since we're on the topic, we're so glad to have been able to help you but we'll be using the full garage from x date. Happy to be available whenever is good for you to pick it up.

From a comment or two on this thread, plus things I’ve seen/heard elsewhere, I wonder if it’s the wealthy background that allows people to behave in this way.

Quite possibly. My ex husband's family were incredibly posh. Antique furniture etc. Total entitled and demanding cunts. It was actually very useful and instructive to be able to observe the upper classes in such close proximity and for so long. But Jesus Christ. They truly expected the world to be handed to them on a plate. Thought it was terribly unfair that despite my ex's dad never doing a day's honest work in his life and just failing at property management, they weren't lovely and rich. Being only averagely wealthy, they thought themselves terribly poor.

Bloody cheeky freeloading gets. Erase them from your life.

"It does not work for us" useful words...and they will try to sob u a story manipulate feelings" we've been friends for so long" ..... they will constantly talk about it until they get u to do it or another favour.....edging in and edging in again on your family/ home boundaries. If they are so willing to freeload up front with u then equal them in behaviour by being upfront about the central happiness in your home without others in it.....be nice and clear about it. By the way your time is also precious and cannot be given up with airport trips or other people's trips ......you will have 2 loads of laundry to put on and flowers to water or a big grocery run to do and MAXIMISE how much they need doing ...it takes the focus off their needs without saying ..." No". Keep reiterating your needs to them and they will buzz off. In fact drown them in your needs and wants ignoring their persistent needs and wants. Husband will be washing the car, visiting the grave of a dead relative to lay flowers ( to laugh at their CFery) and it will be raised once they mention any requests ....how sad relly is gone 10 years!! MAXIMISE your emotions about things you need doing with so little time. They do it to u therefore do it back to them . Good 🤞 luck

They really have got sponging down to a fine art, haven’t they?! Glad that you’re standing firm on this, because as others have said, they’re not facing a genuine crisis, they’re just disorganized and too tight to pay for an Air BnB.