Friend has caused nearly £300 plus worth of destruction

[Bunnyboilerfriend]

I had my friend stay the night last night, I waved her off goodbye this morning.

I said something unwittingly last night that made her think I’m after the same man she is, I am not. He is a mutual friend. I could see she was upset and tried to clarify things, she said she understood and she was fine. We both went to bed. Me upstairs. Her downstairs.

After I have seen her off this morning, I have just noticed a number of my jewellery on the hallways console are either broken or bent out of shape beyond recognition.

They were fine last night, there is no one else here who could have done it. I could see she was not only upset but angry last night, but seemed to have composed herself and it was resolved.

I have just sent a text to her saying can you tell me what happened to my jewellery on the console?

I am so shocked and upset I’m almost shaking, I feel so betrayed and violated.

What can I do next?

What if the bloke doesn't want to shag the OP, where does that leave everyone's petty revenge fantasies?

Police definitely
What a nasty cow she is

I agree. Don't bother taking her to court, that would keep you on her radar and she might want to punish you - again. This looks like deranged 'punishment'.

Well, Most blokes don’t turn down a shag so I’d say she has a pretty good chance

WTF is wrong with some people - an actual adult who is jealous of something she misunderstood then damaged your jewellery. Christ, she has more to worry about than paying you back for what she did. Totally unhinged behaviour!

She sounds unhinged and frankly I’d stay well clear of that sociopath. How old is she? Being upset over a man no one “has” sounds so silly.

Bonkers. Definitely tell the man concerned she is unhinged.

Depends on the situation but both are very different from something being damaged in your home by someone you've invited in. Allegedly damaged, that is, as far as the police are concerned, as the OP didn't even see them do it.

This level of jealousy and destruction is potentially dangerous—don’t let her back into your home. This is what I would do.

Take photos/videos of the damaged jewellery and where it was left (don’t move or touch it). Note when you last saw it intact. Check for any other damage around the house

If she admits it, ask for repayment.

If she continues to ignore or deny, report it to the police (although they may see it as a civil matter).

Otherwise send a firmer message laying out what you will do. File for the small claims court online if the jewellery is worth £300 or more.

https://www.gov.uk/make-court-claim-for-money

I would reach out to a trusted friend or family member, if you grieve the loss of friendship, this support will help your emotional state. Tell mutual friends and the man what happened. Pre empting things will help if she spins the story or lies.

If the jewellery was of sentimental value, you could get a jeweller to quote for repairs.

Well is she bought it she'll know what she paid for it - that's of course not what it's "worth" now.

Can we see the jewellery?

Come on, drama llamas of MN. The police aren't going to interrogate the friend, they aren't going to take fingerprints or DNA, and even if they did all it would prove is that she touched the jewellery, not that she broke it. At most they might issue a crime number. Make the report if you want, but it's extremely unlikely to go anywhere.

You've shown your hand already with that "pursue Things with Urgency" text OP. You're bluffing on a bad hand and she'll know it. You can try for small claims court but it'll probably cost you more than you get back, if you get back anything at all, not to mention drawing out the stress and the possibility that this nutbag will seek revenge. As Dr. Phil likes to say, you can be right, or you can be happy. In this scenario, I'd go for "happy", replace the jewellery, lick my wounds, and consider it a small price to pay for seeing this person's true face and being rid of them.

I think the risk with this approach is that it risks escalating more bad behaviour.

Although £300-ish is a lot, if this was several pieces of jewellery, we're probably talking of £40 or so a piece, or less.

The Small Claims court needs proof in court, ultimately, if the accused denies it. OP won't be successful. (I did have a successful claim via the SCC which included a judge, so know how it works.)

The police won't be interested in what is a domestic dispute where there is no proof of who did the damage.
At the moment the police can't even cope with knife crime, shop lifting on a massive scale, and serious violence.

Best thing OP can do is put it down to experience, ask the friend to pay up but if she won't, (which she won't) move on.

You have absolutely no means of proving that she did this, so you're on a hiding to nothing in making threats that's won't stand up.

Block and avoid.

Without knowing the bloke how do you know the shitting on doorstep option is the most demeaning one?

Whether you've invited them into your home or not is completely irrelevant.

I would encourage her to report it to the police because the unhinged friend may have previous and it builds a picture. Also a crime reference number is useful if claiming on house insurance.

Definitely report it to police ASAP. They can check fingerprints.

I'd feel so unsafe knowing that someone in a house where I was sleeping had so much spite against me that they were damaging the things I wear next to my skin. It's a symbolic attack.

Log it because she sounds stalkerish and there will be fingerprints.

The police will not be impressed.

Seriously have you no idea of how pushed the police are and how serious crime is not being dealt with? Not 2 women squabbling over a small amount of jewellery.

Your username is interesting. I must say, I wouldn't want any future comments I made on Mumsnet on other matters to be tarnished by this nasty event, though I can understand your anger

So informing the police would make the Op safer in your opinion?

Fingerprints? You're joking surely.

It really isn't. Someone smashing your windows is quite possibly a campaign of intimidation and harassment that could continue and escalate. Your friend breaking your jewellery because they were upset because of a bloke won't happen again unless you're stupid enough to ask them in again. These things are massively important to how seriously the police will take it.

Have you checked for other items damaged or stolen? I’m thinking if she’s taken paperwork or poured milk somewhere etc.

I am not joking.

The police were very good at fingerprinting when I had to call them to my home about something. It's pretty basic tech and has been around for ages.

People trying to make this a domestic dispute or a question of competing stories don't have the OP's best interests at heart.

That doesn't mean it isn't a reportable crime.

So it's worth threatening this arsewipe with because she knows she has committed a crime and she is afraid of the consequences.

She's probably more afraid of people finding out about her batshit behaviour, but threatening her with civil and criminal legal consequences is still worth doing.

The key is to make her realise that it is going to be less painful to admit it, apologise and pay for the damage than to keep pretending a poltergeist did it.