Ok yo become a Dad to a newborn at 57?

[WaterBed]

Apart from being desperate to crack the joke

“i really hope so - I only live at 55”

in all seriousness - I personally think it’s fine to be a Dad age 57 when your OH has a newborn. Any thoughts ?

Dont agree with it personally, but I wouldnt do it so not really something that affects me. Each to their own, for me I just wouldnt want a toddler when im ready to retire and enjoy my later years in peace. I do think its selfish on the kid, my grandad had children after my mum did, so I basically have 2 aunts younger than me. My grandad is mid eighties and his 2 daughters probably wont have their dad around by age 35. I think we still need our parents at that age, id be devastated to not have my parents here with me now. Yes anything can happen at any age but you're playing with fire imo.

A man in his 50s could be a good dad but I think it’s harder than being in your 20s-40s because of things like energy levels and being ok with not retiring or sleeping. IME relationships where there’s a big age gap are more likely to be unbalanced in terms of how much housework etc is done so more likely that mum is left doing more than 50%

Not great because at 57 you are much more likely to have a child with high needs and they are likely to be very badly impacted (on top of the grief that anyone would have) if you die early in their life rather than being able to help arrange things for them/do paperwork/support their best interests well into their adulthood.

i am 57 and if I knew nothing about having children I’d say I could do it.

But I do know, and I think it’s incredibly dicey unless you’re in an amazing financial position as a minimum.

My child is 18 and I wonder how much time I have before I become someone he needs to worry about. I wouldn’t expect him to care for me ever, but you would still be a potential drain.

My best friend growing up, her dad was 57 when she was born. Despite same age/being older than most of our friendship circles grandparents, he was pretty fit and healthy until he died at 70 when she turned 13. She’s never quite got over it, not least because it was a choice to have her so late and risk her having to grow up without a dad

My dad was in his 50s when I was born. I didn't know any different as to whether this was strange. Mind you, he had tonnes of energy, travelled the world into his 80s until a stroke. He still managed to visit us abroad and see all his grandchildren born, and lived until 100. He is probably the exception though!

I think he did feel the pressure to provide for a young family when he should have been thinking about retirement. Just my experience.

No one should become a parent at 57.

No one should become a parent in their 50’s. It’s far too old

There's research that shows children born to older fathers are much more at risk of autism, depression, mental health issues.

That would be my main concern.

If the child is already here it's a bit late to ask the question, but if given the choice beforehand - do I try for a baby with my partner at 57 then in my opinion it's too old. I had a baby at 45 (met DH relatively late) and tbh I'm starting to think 45 was too old and it was a selfish thing to do (natural conception if it makes any difference). I don't regret it for myself as I love being a parent, but I worry about DC's future and what it's going to be like for them. No matter how healthy I am, I will still be old. Different situation but I asked my Dad at 70 what he thought about becoming a dad again now (because a celebrity his age had just done so) and his answer was absolutely no way!

I think it isn't in the child's best interests at all.

Looking after yourself does not protect you from older age health conditions.

Honestly can’t guess who this even is!

Far too old imho, and that also goes for women who have babies at 50.
I had older parents - they were in their early 40s when they had me and both were dead by 71, my dad dying in his late 50s.
The dad may not feel it now, but who'd want to have a teenager about the place in their early 70s for a start.
So it's a no from me.

It’s absolutely fine. I’m much more concerned about whether people have the financial means and moral compass to bring up a child than what age they are when child is born. Plenty of younger parents rely on the State to fund their children and don’t have the emotional maturity to put the children’s needs ahead of their own (anyone else seeing a trend of parents saying they “deserve” a holiday etc?!). They’re the ones whose children I’d be worried about!!

That's great, but it's certainly the exception that proves the rule.

@WaterBed A 57 year old would turn 70 the year his child became a teenager at 13 years old. This just doesn’t seem right on so many different levels. Sure there are the odd stand out cases but the average man at 70 (never mind one that’s had the last 13 years additionally exhausted by raising a newborn to a young child), is generally not going to be compatible with the energy of their 13 year old and beyond. Also, there is the consideration of the child likely being constantly anxious about the health of his dad, not to mention potential embarrassment (rightly or wrongly) of being different to their other dads. It just seems very selfish to me. OP said he could justify it because he could very likely raise it at least to adulthood and bring a wealth of knowledge. Sure. But you should be able to bring that young child everything. Wealth of experience- and longevity of expectation to be around to at least when most other dads are to the age of them turning at least 40 or so. Would’ve been better to adopt if it was wealth of experience you wanted to pas on.

Depends on the situation. My family member and his wife struggled with infertility for literally decades. He was 58 and his wife 46 when their first child born, one year later they had another .
They are wonderful parents both of whom health and fitness wise would pass for significantly younger. They have the benefit of having a comfortable lifestyle and have the time, life experience, patience and income to provide very well for their two children.
Of course they would have loved to have a family earlier but it wasn't to be. We dont know what is around the corner of course health wise for any of us.
Age is against them of course but if we are saying it is selfish to have children at that age , then perhaps we could also say it's selfish to have children when you are unfit, over weight , a smoker , you name anything at all that shortens your life expectancy. I expect these parents to have a longer life expectancy than others who live a less healthy lifestyle .

For me personally I would have found it rough in my 40s having a newborne never mind 50s. However this is something yearned for for a long long time and I take my hat off to them to be honest. They have never been happier and the children are growing into well rounded human beings .

I am still fit and healthy in my sixties, my youngest child is 21, my father died when I was in my thirties he was only 20 when I was born so no guarantees either way. I don’t think mid forties is that young many people lose their parents a lot younger

My DF was 56 when I was born and I spent my whole childhood with people thinking he was my grandad. Which isn’t the end of the world, but obviously was an awkward conversation for a child.

I spent my teens and early 20s very aware of his age, knowing he would die before most of my friend’s parents. And he did, when I was 28.

Personally I wouldn’t do it to my own child, but each to their own.

My dad was 57 when I was born and some of the replies here make me sad and angry. It seems a lot of people without any first hand experience have decided to condemn other people's life choices from a position of ignorance. I loved my dad deeply, he was a wonderful father and as a child it made no difference to me that he was in his sixties and mum was in her 30s. I got to know him as an adult and his life experience was so much more rich and interesting than the fathers of my friends (he served in WW2). Every situation is different (you can be a "young" 57 or a physically aged 57) but saying it is always a bad idea to have a child at that age is just small-minded.

This is a ridiculous thread. As stupid as the breastfeeding at 6 years old really - I think it’s weird but other people think it’s natural. Each to their own and everyone has different experiences. It depends on the person’s personality and energy level and most importantly, desire to be a dad. Better to have an older dad who adores you that a 27 year old who’s still itching to spread his wild oats and isn’t fully present because they’re still wanting to party with their mates.

Gosh, what a lot of people, keen on judging others.

I had my ds at 45, his dad was 56.5 at the time.

DS is now a happy healthy thriving 6' young man with 10 good gcses, half way through three stem A'levels. He lives with me, sees his dad every week. He doesn't smoke, or do drugs or drink (his choice, I do offer him an occasional glass of wine or beer).

He's planning to read engineering, wants to be a civil engineer. He skis, swims, cycles and practices martial arts.

But obviously we've failed him.🙄

I was 42, Dh 53, both totally shellshocked, but honestly DD has never suffered, Dh is a fab dad, DD is 22 now and she has never missed out on anything, in fact we've been able to give her more than if we were younger because we are financially better off

I don’t think anyone’s said kids with older parents will be short and stupid? Just that they’re far likelier to have less energy to deal with a teenager, be worried about a young family as they come to retired, and most likely die when their child is still young. Obviously not in every case. It’s certainly nothing to do with genetics or intelligence..

Yes, perfectly, providing that you are in decent health. Your child would be grown by the time the father is in what could properly be called old age. He's 57, not 77 (which I think would be too old) I think a lot of people who object to men in their fifties having kids are jealous because most women can't have kids that old. I bet a lot of people judging older fathers are just fine with those rare mothers who have kids in their mid fifties.