Ok yo become a Dad to a newborn at 57?

[WaterBed]

Apart from being desperate to crack the joke

“i really hope so - I only live at 55”

in all seriousness - I personally think it’s fine to be a Dad age 57 when your OH has a newborn. Any thoughts ?

Absolutely not. That age is too old for either IMO.
Women usually get judged more than men for having kids at an older age anyway btw.

It’s too old. My dad was 46 when I was born and 48 when my brother was born. He was too old very quickly. When my brother became 13 he was 60. It was worse for him. Also the amount of embarrassment that we used to suffer when people would assume he was our Grandad.
He passed away when I was 35, my brother 33. He only got to spend 6 years with my son.

He had older children from his first marriage and they got a lot more of his best years, as did their children. It was growing up with an older dad that made me decide I’d never have children after 30. Don’t get me wrong he was fantastic and I adored him, but in another life I wish he’d had us a lot younger.

Very sad about that mum who died at 39- sorry to hear that. Of course a person can die at any age but it’s statistically more likely the older you get!

So when there is some choice in the matter (ie if there were earlier relationships/opportunities to have a family), I think it’s unwise for someone to deliberately father a child in their late 50s.

Having said that, I recognise not all situations are the same, and in that vein, I hope you and your DH are successful if you decide to go ahead with your embryo.

@ExercicenformedeZ Well, it depends how their old age turns out, doesn’t it.

One of my friends recently lost their Dad at 70 after a multi-year cancer battle; another’s Dad (72) has prostate cancer; my Dad (87) has developed multiple health problems in recent years and I think I’d have found them more difficult to be cope with in my late 20’s than in middle age.

Whilst it is indeed a bad joke… you’ve misunderstood it.

The joke is ‘is it ok to be a dad to a newborn at 57?’

The punchline is ‘yeah that’s fine.. as I live at 55’ (the pun being that 57 referred to where the dad lives not his age)

It's too old, I like older men but I'd never have a child with one-it's probably the last thing the bloke wants anyway. What 57 year old man wants to start over again with a newborn?! If you want kids that badly find a young man to have them with. Parents do what they want though, and the kid won't even be allowed to feel sad about not having a parent for long because society doesn't care about kids losing their parents young, even though it's a massive trauma.

My dad was 53 when I was born. He died when he was 70 and it was really hard to lose him when I was that young. However, I wouldn’t swap him, he was an excellent father. It definitely smarts when I read some of the comments on this thread like “gross” “dirty old man”. He was certainly none of the sort.
When he met my mum they just matched- she had an older than her age personality and he had a younger one- they met nicely in the middle. I was never bullied or mocked. The only time I ever found it an issue was when I felt some anxiety about his health in my teenage years.

It’s not an “ideal” situation, but what is? Most of us have got some kind of situation or problem that others would see as an issue when becoming a parent- too old, too young, not educated enough, not rich enough- the list is endless.

I think it’s a testament to my parents that I never even realised others would deem their age gap usual or weird until I was much older.

It's too old for both but women generally do live longer, sometimes many years longer. My grandmothers both made it to 97 whereas my grandfather's died years earlier. Certainly not jealous, my only thought is for the child that will most likely have to lose a parent early and spend what should be the best years of their life looking after them and then grieving their loss.

It's too old. 2 generations away from your kids. You shouldn't be mistaken for a grandparent and no matter how fit the person is...age is age.

Being a pensioner and dad to a toddler are not a good mix.

Anecdotally my 15 yo has a mate with a dad who is not far off 70. Hes very fit and active so that’s not the issue. Generationally he’s miles away. Acceptable behaviours, the difference in teen experience vs his expectations. He has an older family in their 30s/40s and seems to be stuck expecting the same. He was ridiculously strict with her - no noise, no playing out in the garden no friends round. He’s actually not a bad bloke in many ways and clearly loves his daughter but he seems to resent her and the fact she still needs active parenting at his stage of life. They are at the stage now where it’s likely he will divorce his wife and leave. Of course it may not be age related. But I think, other friends and most importantly his wife things it’s a major part of it and his wife regrets pushing him into a kid when he was reticent.

I was the child in a very similarly aged scenario so I’m qualified to say this - bloody selfish and disgusting. As predicted, the older parent died when I was young and left me distraught whilst living on my own in a little flat still. Not married with a supportive spouse like most people are when they lose a parent. I’ll never, ever forgive either of my parents for it. Never

My father was in his fifties,although not quite fifty seven, when he had me. It was amazing having older parents. They were happy to parent, not try to be my BFF. None of that 'gentle parenting' crap. I wouldn't have had it any other way.

But the OP said "I really hope so - I only live at 55". "I hope so" doesn't mean "yeah that's fine". And the "only" has no business there at all, suggesting if he lived further away it would make a difference. Therefore the joke simply doesn't make sense as presented.

@TwoFeralKidsPlease don’t do it. By the time your new child is 6/7 and wanting to play football with Dad or for him to play in the park with him/her, your DH will be knackered. Take it from me, my parent was your DH’s age and yes, everyone is different but one thing we all are at 60, is bloody tired and besides a handful of habitual runners who keep running into their 90’s(!), the vast majority of 60yr olds can’t run around the park 3/4 times a week or scale a climbing wall with them because they want Dad to join in, bounce on a trampoline at the jump arena because again, they want dad to join in etc.
I’m an average age parent but have a joint issue meaning I can only do limited exercise and therefore my DC have had to miss out on mummy doing most of the above (often resulting in them not being able to take part themselves) and believe me, whilst yes there are ways around most of it, it still SUCKS being unable to do what your DC want you to do. Especially when they see their friends’ parents doing it all. It breaks my fucking heart, every single time. Even more so when a DC comes home from school crying because the kids have been making fun of them for it! I was made fun of for having one parent being old enough to be my grandparent. That stung and ruined school life.

My dad was an older dad. Yes, I lost him when I was relatively young, but the love he gave me has endured for more than 50 years and is still going strong. Wouldn't have swapped him for the world.

We didn't meet until my husband was in his late thirties and then infertility meant we didn't have our first until he was in his mid forties. Obviously it would have been better if he had been younger but what can you do?

Would you rather have not been born?

My husband is a pretty fit man for his age. Yeah he is tired but he does well for his age. Maybe more grey now though. He jokes how he is the dad that goes around with the toddler at softplay whilst the younger dads didn't. We aren't oblivious to the difficulties of being an older parent. His father was 40 when he was born. I would probably prefer less time with a decent older dad than my younger alcoholic "dad" who I haven't for years, might be dead for all I know.

Oh, I don’t disagree with you. My DH just feels too young. He’s not ready, not prepared, and wants more time. He’d probably feel that way at any age I guess.

It's not for me, but I know a couple who did this and seem really happy and have a brilliant life.

I also have two friends in their early 30s who have recently lost their husbands, both in their late 30s.

You can't predict how life will turn out.

Currently supporting a friend of my adult child who is facing death of his mum (cancer) and dad is late 80s. Fit and well Dad, but statistics indicate that this young adult won't have either parent to support, guide, share significant moments with. It feels tragic as the parents obviously are not ready to leave their child but they are making arrangements for his inheritance and know that's realistic.

@MrsSunshine2b You certainly can’t predict how life will turn out, but it statistically, far more people die in their 70’s than in their 30’s. Same with serious health conditions, the likelihood of developing one starts increasing rapidly from your 50’s onwards. I wouldn’t personally have a child with someone in their late 50’s.

My dad's just become a new dad again at 66. His sister died at just 30 but his father lived till 103 so who knows??

@TwoFeralKidsInteresting that you have ‘daddy issues’ and have subsequently ended up with an older man….. I’m afraid to say that is ‘textbook’ in psychology circles.
However just because your own dad was rubbish and your DH is a “pretty fit man” doesn’t mean he won’t die when your DC is still at primary school (god forbid of course) or that his health/fitness won’t change. One of my parents could run miles and bend over like a paperclip up until about 62 after a life of health & fitness and then all of a sudden, everything changed. Age catches up with you when you least expect it and gambling with a child’s wellbeing is not a gamble I’d advise, it really isn’t.

Yes tbh. Genuinely. My childhood was miserable, boring & lonely despite having an older sibling. It ruined my childhood. Overshadowed it completely.