Ok yo become a Dad to a newborn at 57?

[WaterBed]

Apart from being desperate to crack the joke

“i really hope so - I only live at 55”

in all seriousness - I personally think it’s fine to be a Dad age 57 when your OH has a newborn. Any thoughts ?

My own Dad became a Grandfather age 57.

He is a very active involved Grandfather, but now my kids are nearly teens he does seem "old" and needs a rest after a day out.

So no, becoming a Father age 57 is bizarre to me.

Not everyone of 57 is tired, deaf or an old fart! I am 61 and none of those things.

It’s selfish.

Either the mother will bear the brunt of the parenting (which women already tend to have to do anyways) or the kid will become a caretaker to his father far too soon.

Or (what happened to me) the older party dies and the mother becomes a single parent. Extreme, but more likely as the years go by.

What??? 🤪

Im in my 50s now and am quite pleased my kids are almost grown up! FWIW when I was younger my parents were friends with 2 couples, both husbands were older and in their 50s when their children were born. Very sadly both wives died of cancer when the children were young. The older dads had to parent them alone. It was undoubtedly tough.

I know of two 60 year olds with six/seven year olds. And a man in his mid-80s with an eight year old! The wives are much younger, around 40.

I don't know them well so can't say what it's like but people do talk about them!

I’m not sure I would want it for my situation but I am very good friends with a couple where the dad is about to turn 60 with a 7yo and 3yo and he’s a great dad, very active, fit, present, he does organised sports so is probably a lot fitter physically than a lot of parents.

I do wonder about the fact they will obviously lose their dad earlier than most, but is that enough reason to never be born and never have a lovely relationship with him for potentially 20+ years?

Youll have to hope your dh is going to outlived his life AND health expectancy.

Appreciate many ‘stars’ are becoming fathers at that age so it’s tempting to think it’s all good.
Health expectancy is 60yo in the U.K. for men. You’ll soon see when he needs meds on a daily basis. (If he hasn’t already)

I think it depends on the man. The dirty old man who dumps every wife or partner when they get to their late thirties is very different from a man who has never been in a long term relationship and when the mother is in her forties.

Think Donald Trump as an example of the kind of dirty old man.

At 18 the dad would be 75, that's far too old. My dad was running marathons in his 60's but dead by 75.

My husband is 58
the thought of him being a father to a newborn at his age is ridiculous ( to both myself and him)
he is exceptionally fit healthy and has a young attitude we go out to clubs still and roll in at 6am but he would absolutely struggle with the demands of a tiny newborn

he would be 71 when any child is in its teens

my Ex has a 5 years old and he’s 58
he also has a son who is 31

a tend to think and notice that a lot of the older fathers are those that have divorced the first wife due to an affair and the price of keeping the younger wife is a few kids

or they meet someone who is younger late 30s /40s and again the price of keeping her this a few kids
you do get the odd one who opportunity has passed him by when younger and then they have kids at a much later age but I’ve not met many like this

no thank you

Bad idea, it’s too old. My brother is 50 with a 3yr old (and DD’s in their 20’s and 30’s) and is exhausted. If i asked him if he regretted it, he would say he loves his son, but yes he does.

When I married my DH he had been diagnosed with diabetes T1 about 10-15 years previously. If "needing daily medication" was something that would put me off having DCs with a man, I'd be ruling out a lot of people I imagine.

House numbers.

Yes it’s too old, I think of all the things we did with DC when we were younger, the ability to financially and emotionally support them through uni, driving
lessons, Cars, weddings, relationships, world wide travel, grandchildren etc etc No way would I have had the energy or probably money to do
all that 30 years late.

DH was 57 when DS1 was born and 59 when DS2 was born. They are now 15 and 13. He has no other children and never thought he would have children.

It's been brilliant. DH retired when he was 60 and for 10 years was the primary SAHP. I worked (I am 20 years younger and also had no other children) and then I had to retire due to ill health. (I have a life limiting condition).

DH does the bulk of the hands on parenting now because I don't have the energy. I do the mental load largely. We have worked it out very well.

No-one has ever mistaken DH for a GP. However, the DCs are in private school and parents tend on average to be older.

Life isn't all set up nicely in neat little packages. I met DH at the age of 30 and we had our first when I was 37. I rather envy people who judge it tbh because it means their lives have been more seamless. And perhaps a little more boring. But for most of us, you have to grab the chances life presents you.

When the joke is told the don’t say the guy lives at 57 just the guy at 57 has become a dad. The audience then think the joke teller is referring to his age but the next line I live at 55 is the punch line.

No it's bonkers. You are lying to yourself if you think there is no physical and cognitive decline at 57 versus younger ages. Yes, some people age better or can make steps to slow it down, but you are nowhere near a 40 year old that has comparable lifestyle in terms of energy levels.

I think in general it’s a bit old, I mean going to be 80 ish by the time they graduate uni. Some people are sprightly 80 year olds but it’s not guaranteed. Lots of people will develop care needs/ dementia in their 70s. I think it’s really unlikely you’d see them marry or have grandchildren tbh.

Anyone can die young. A mum I knew recently died at 39 of cancer. We are thinking of trying with our last embryo soon. My husband is 54. Obviously I am younger in my thirties.

I had my first (and last) child when DH was 50, and it’s been really hard on him to start over. He doesn’t have as much energy for parenting a toddler that I think a parent should have, and generally he takes pretty good care of himself, health-wise. But I think that’s where it’s really an individual issue— I’ve met men older than DH who seemed much younger and more lively, and men who were younger who were much worse off than DH. So if you’re full of vitality at 57, you can still be a good parent to your youngest.

Though, it is important to consider mortality and the length of time you’ll be in your childrens’ lives. I recognize DD will probably have her dad in her life for significantly less time than average, and that’s not really fair to her.

The pros to having older parents? They can impart greater wisdom from their life experience, and they’re generally more mature and financially secure.

It's not ideal but I suspect the majority of men who become fathers in mid 50s would rather it wasn't the case and are either appeasing their younger partners, or were unlucky in life or love and are now taking their opportunity for happiness, but with the regret that it hadn't all worked out differently when they were 35.

My dad was 52 when I was born, far too old IME. As well as all the practical limitations caused by his age I was also bullied throughout my school years about my "grandad"(my actual paternal grandfather died of old age before I was born).

As I said, I know what the joke is supposed to be. But as presented by the OP it doesn't work.

Well you’re right you can be ill and not need medication. I am one of those.

And yes many people ARE ill/unhealthy very early on. And this has a knock on effect as people get older.

In the case of type 1 diabetes, peoole have a reduced life expectancy kf about 10 years (this will obviously depend a lot on how do,igeant they e been with their own treatments). So in the OP’s case, this would be significant