Ok yo become a Dad to a newborn at 57?

[WaterBed]

Apart from being desperate to crack the joke

“i really hope so - I only live at 55”

in all seriousness - I personally think it’s fine to be a Dad age 57 when your OH has a newborn. Any thoughts ?

What a selfish man. That poor little child is highly unlikely to have his/her Dad at their wedding. 💔

Lol what a rude comment. Having your parents at your wedding isn't the be all and end all. Having a loving parent through childhood is more important. He was approved to adopt and has done all the training and everyone in the family is very proud of him and his partner and we are thrilled they are all so happy.

Think it means they were living at house number 55 but was shagging a women at house number 57

Absolutely amazingly weird post. Whatever, I feel sorry for you OP.

Yes but this man will probably die before the child finishes childhood, he’ll be 80 when the child is 14 which is about average life expectancy. Very selfish.

Well no it doesn't guarantee he won't keel over tomorrow. I could die tomorrow. However he is pretty fit and very involved in the parenting. I hope the children will have nice memories if that did happen. At some point your parent will die. Your reaction seems a bit OTT. How young were you?

Your comment about our relationship is just plain rude. No need for it.

@WaterBed come on! going round and round in circles here! how old are you if your dh or partner or neighbour is 57? do you want a baby and he doesnt or do you have a baby and he is struggling to cope. I have no idea what is really going on, do you?

These threads always flush out those posters with immortal husbands - “Dh is 65 fit as a fiddle runs marathons and will clearly live to 120” 😀

My boyfriend is 59 and he’s fucking knackered!! I’m still (just) childbearing age and although it makes us both sad that we’ll never have a child together, even if I wanted more kids (I don’t) I couldn’t do it to him.

He’s 57 I’m younger.

there’s no baby in existence yet - I’d like there to be though.

How much younger?

I have been there and honestly you’ll end up with two children. Except one is older and whinier and not as cute to look after.

It’s more common now I think. I wouldn’t be shocked if I saw older people with babies and it’s hard to know who are the parents now so it’s not a big deal.
But - I had a much older parent, so this was less common when I was young, and I spent most of my teens in absolute terror about him dying. I just was convinced I wouldn’t have him long. I know there more about my anxiety than his age but it really did worry me. He lived to 80 which is a good age but all I can see when someone tells me they are a 57 year old parent is how your child will have to deal with your loss at a young age. ( not that they will you could live to 100)

Ha no my husband is knackered. He does work in a school though which doesn't help.

Friends husband is 59 they have a 4 year old. We’re all in our 30s. He finds it upsetting that kids in the class mistake him for the grandad, he’s stressed and under pressure to retire (which he can’t), he feels guilty and often says how he isn’t the dad to this child that he was to his 31 year old (first marriage) and overall while he would never say he regrets his child, he loves them. I also think he realises that no, at 59 it’s just not ideal to bring children up. It takes much more of a toll in every sense than when he did it 30 years ago. He’s constantly worried he will miss milestones of this child’s life, he’s had a grandchild with his first child that’s older than his second. He’s had a few health scares in the last few years after always being “fit as a fiddle”. His own parents died early 60s and I think that thought is also causing concern now second child is here and 60 is round the corner. Sure he could live to 90, but that’s really not the norm is it. His wife is 38 and very scared of him getting ill, worried about the pressure, worried he’ll develop issues like his parents that require care whilst she still has a young child at home, scared they’d have to move house if he couldn’t work longer. They love each other, they love their child, but love doesn’t trump losing a parent before you finish school, or knowing you’ll likely never retire alongside your husband.

Well your Dad jokes are rubbish. How old is your partner?

There’s a couple of old dads in my immediate family tree, my great grandfather was born 160 years before me.

@WaterBed I wouldnt dream of having a baby if my husband was 57!!! it is not just the fitness which matters, this is an age when the whole body starts rattling down! no idea how much younger OP because she wont divulge that but I presume she is in her 40's and even that is crazy!! dad will be a positive geriatric and mum will be pushing retirement by the time their kid is 20!! if mum has not had a baby before she will get a real shock!! total change to life! also unlikely for both parents to even be alive when this child decides to have their own child!

Rattling Down lol I still see him as lean and fresh faced !! 😭

No, way to old!

My grandmother had my aunt late in life. My mum spent her youth bringing her sister up. Her parents looked after themselves health-wise. The only wealth of experience they gained was not to have children so late in life. By the time my aunt was a teenager her parents were pensioners. Having a parent die is never easy but knowing that you will be depriving a child of a parent while that child is still young but still doing it anyway also knowing their sibling will be raising them cannot surely be in the best interests of the child.

I would say not as child where my dad was 52 when I was born and 59 when my younger brother was born. He was always mistaken as our grandad when we were children which used to upset him deeply but I'm not sure what he expected.

He is now 85 while we are 32 and 25, and he is in poor health. My mum was his main carer (she's 17 years younger) but has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I'm juggling 2 young kids and a job whilst my husband works away with caring for them both and it's absolutely exhausting.

I know anything can happen at any age but think of the children and how it could affect them. I love both my parents dearly of course, but the teasing from other children growing up was constant and now my children will never have any active grandparents growing up as my in laws are not around either unfortunately.

Mumsnet hates older parents and probably thinks I have one foot in the grave too. Everyone always thinks anything over 50 is arthritis and racism.

😊 very true!

And they go on about not being able to chase after toddlers or get down on the floor to play with them. That is literally my full time job as a nursery worker in my early 60s.

I also have a DD at uni. I didn't find it a challenge to parent a primary school child or a teenager in my 50s and - judging by the number of friends she brings home - she's not embarrassed by me.

I disagree. I'd rather have a 57 year old father that was financially secure than some useless n'er do well that was never around.

Anyone who refers to "today's inclusive society" is mentally distancing themselves from the majority of adults (seeing them as having a baffling modern mindset), never mind a newborn!

I think it's selfish, irresponsible and often entirely ego driven. Men's sperm radically decreases in quality after 40, meaning miscarriages for his partner and higher risk of disability for the baby. How would he continue to support a disabled child if he retires 10 years later?