Child Benefit Rival Claim Ex Partner Earning Loads!!!!! part 2

[ProlongedAffair]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5294980-child-benefit-rival-claim-ex-partner-earning-loads?reply=144269354

I can’t write on the previous thread anymore, so I’ve created this one for people interested in the outcome of the CMS case. I’m committed to telling people what the outcome is regardless of whether it goes my way or not.

Well that certainly makes me stand by my original comment that I imagine this was the straw that broke the camel's back when it came to your children moving in with their father.

Arrrgghhh this is so frustrating to read! You aren’t getting it are you?! You misrepresented the situation to CMS, got one possible scenario from them and are now blaming them and refusing to take any responsibility for your terrible decisions.

the scary thing is that even now you are obsession over money and your ex (who is very much NOT the narcissist out of the two of you) rather than the sad consequence of your greed which is you are losing a relationship with your children, you seem completely indifferent to the emotional impact of all this.

frankly you sound like a grabby, entitled brat who deserves everything you get here, not that you will ever be self-aware enough to realise it! Awful behaviour.

I re-read all your posts on this thread and your other thread and I think it’s very sad that your desire to avenge your ex for swanning off and dumping you with the kids has resulted in this outcome and you still can’t let it go or see your role in it.

you set out to punish him and it backfired on you

you do not seem overly upset about the kids.. still mostly upset about your ex. Sometimes I question if this is a real thread or a made up scenario because can anyone be this pig headed?

when you were left with the kids and your £1000pm and 2 x CB you have never mentioned anything about if the kids found this hard to miss their dad, just you found it hard and resent it. Perhaps the kids are making up for lost time with their dad and he has realised what he missed out on and tried to fix it with them before it’s too late.

could you not be happy for the kids they had both parents in their lives equally?

To put things right you need to let go of all this resentment and accept your situation, and make peace with the decisions that led you here.

^OP the first time she was warned to step off the path she was hellbent on going down.

These particular children are very familiar with being raised by their father, given that he already had them more than 50% of the time when she decided to pursue maintenance from him. Despite this, he was happy for her to claim both sets of child benefit and give her £300 a month entirely voluntarily (this apparently doesn’t count as ‘compensation’ though).

The CMS gave her advice based on the information she gave them. This isn’t a case of bad advice, but of bad information. When everything started to blow up in her face she was repeatedly told to stop, or at the very least speak to a solicitor. She did neither.

OP’s kids are teenagers, and were well aware that something was going on given the complete breakdown of what was an amicable co-parenting relationship. Their father decided to be honest with them as to the reason why (tbh I’m not convinced that OP wasn’t making barbed comments about their father, as she saw it, failing to financially support her them). It’s not like he would even need to spin it in his favor for them to form a negative opinion of OP’s actions/OP, given that people have done that on here with OP trying to spin it in her favor. He chose not to lie to, or hide information from, them in order to protect their mother’s reputation. He hasn’t alienated them from her, she has.

OP’s injuries are entirely self inflicted. Based on her unwillingness to take responsibility for her own actions and the result of them, she will undoubtedly continue to inflict them going forward.

You tried to financially penalise your ex by claiming additional CMS that you were not entitled to, and you have cost him a lot of legal fees fighting you

He did not start this, you did

OP, if you had started a thread saying 'My XP now has the kids 50.50 but didn't for years, he does still pay me some voluntary CM but it doesn't make up for the years he didn't do much and my career took a back seat, just wanted to have a vent about it being unfair' - you would have got a fair bit of sympathy. But that's not what your threads were about.

Agree.

They probably sensed the fact they are walking meal tickets to you OP.

The money is meant to pay for half of the extra living expenses that the CHILD incurs by living with you. Higher energy bills, food costs, clothing for them, school stuff. £1000 a month is more than enough to cover half of the living expenses for two kids.

It's not payment for parenting them.

It's completely unworkable to suggest that the NRP should pay the RP for every minute of parenting time.

He’s got a case open for me but I haven’t paid anything because he said he didn’t want any money he was just opening it to protect himself!! I also don’t see why I should given I shouldered most of the costs and sacrificed my career for all those years whilst he was swanning off.

You've previously stated he paid you £1000 a month when you were the primary carer.

You're re-writing history in a bid to convince yourself you are hard done by.

For the sake of the children I truly hope this is a troll post because if not you are on a path to completely alienating your children forever.

What, the injustice of him allowing you both sets of child benefit and £300 a month when you were entitled to neither?

You allowed yourself to be governed by what you feel you should be entitled to, rather than accepting the actual reality of the situation (a reality that was already very favorable to you, mind you). That was rank stupidity.

Oh, and in spite of all that’s happened, he’s still choosing to be generous towards you by not claiming from you the maintenance he is legally owed. All he wants is reimbursement of the money you fraudulently claimed.

Of course you won’t acknowledge that either.

Don't forget paying above the required amount of child support before it was "50/50."

OP DID GET BOTH CB BUT ACTUALLY XP HAD EVERY RIGHT TO GET AT LEAST ONE OF THE CB ON A 50/50 CARE SPLIT

Do they typically split kids like that in cases where someone has already been claiming for all kids for several years? Genuinely curious. I thought HMRC were fans of keeping the status quo?

I don't have any particular insight into this, but logically if the circumstances changed it wouldn't really be fair to continue with status quo.

When it's 50/50 they will split the CB. CB is based on the current time - in some cases it chops and changes quite regularly.

I've never heard of HMRC preferring the status quo - the family courts yes, but HMRC just go with whatever information they have to determine the current position.

Sure - if both parents have the kids 50/50, an agreement that each gets one set of the child benefit would seem both fair and logical.

Obviously parents may arrange things differently, as previously happened for OP, where she kept both CBs despite the 50/50, as XP didn't make a claim - possibly in part as his earnings meant he would have to pay the claim back, so the "family group" was better off with OP making both CB claims.

I agree, it wouldn't be fair. But when I asked AI, it said even with 50/50, HMRC favours the status quo, especially if the party claiming CB has other benefits attached.

I forgot about that bit.

Behold the OP, truly a victim of gravest injustice.

That’s why it’s a bad idea to ask AI.

Where would it get the idea from?

I agree, it wouldn't be fair. But when I asked AI, it said even with 50/50, HMRC favours the status quo, especially if the party claiming CB has other benefits attached.

I wouldn't trust AI with anything like that. It's very American swayed with a lot of things.

A while back there was a poster convinced she should be allowed to claim PIP and Attendance allowance because AI said you could.

I wouldn't be surprised if it's conflating the family courts with HMrC.

Thanks, that makes sense.

What are the UK sources that point that AI is wrong on this?

especially if the party claiming CB has other benefits attached.

Other benefits would only really come into it if it was absolutely 100% 50/50 and HMRC genuinely couldn't decide that one party deserved it more than the other, and there wasn't the chance to split - so if it was one child for example. There is no mechanism to give each parent half of the award in that situation.

That's incredibly rare though and wouldn't apply in a case where the OP earns 60k (I'm sure it was around that) and her ex a higher earner, like in this case.

so, if OP is claiming 2 CB and 2 UC child elements, and she has 50/50, she will likely lose 1 CB and 1 UC child element? Even though her ex can't claim UC?

A very sad end, but like others I suspect your teenage children came to realize that they had a price tag attached and have moved in with their DF as a result.

I sincerely hope you can draw a line under your sense of injustice and work on re-building your relationship with them.