To not invite distant friends husband to our wedding

[TeaDrinker1234]

I refer to her as a distant friend; although we used to be close and I was bridesmaid at her wedding 10 years ago. That being said, I have only seen her once in the last 18 months at a friends birthday party.

The last time my FH saw her husband, my FH was asking him to leave their family home at the request of my friend; due to the discovery that a "one night stand" her husband had with a colleague of theirs, actually turned out to be a longer affair.

After sending out the invitations my friend messaged me to ask whether her husband was invited to our wedding and, because I'm a coward; and we have already pissed off family (mainly our parents) by having an adult only wedding due to being on a budget, I told my friend that her husband was on the reserves list so I'd be able to confirm after the RSVP date. I did wonder whether she asked because she wanted to know if they needed to sort childcare but she never replied to my message and hasn't RSVP'd yet. She has also complained to friends that her husband is on the reserves list, so I don't think it's childcare related that she asked. I can't quite fathom why her husband would want to watch us get married. It is quite clear that I do not like him, nor does he like me.

Incidentally, We have also invited colleagues without a plus one, despite socializing more with them, again due to being on a budget and they seem to have understood and accepted the invitation without issue.

So was I compete twat (and unreasonable) for not inviting her husband to our wedding?

This is incredibly rude.

My adopted father had an entire secret life. It’s not a joke.

Statistically 20% of married men and 13% of married women have cheated.

So yes, it’s likely you will have people at your wedding who have had an affair.

I may be old, but have been involved in helping plan my dc's wedding which is in a couple of weeks time, so pretty current.

Yes, there have been some discussions about "If Uncle Bob and Aunty Barbara decide not to come, then we'll ask Jon and Nancy to the day", of course there have, but you don't publish, or share that knowledge with people. There's no 'waiting list' as such.

I feel sad for a lot of todays young people that the first weddings they'll attend will be as adults because no-one wanted them there - at a family event - as children.

@SparklyGlitterballs - there really is no reason for you to be sad about this. I never went to any of the weddings my parents attended, whilst I was a child. Perfectly normal.
I've somehow managed to cope with attending weddings as an adult, without experiencing being at a wedding as a child. It hasn't been traumatic or anything.

I know, it was such a silly thing for me to say! I put it down to being under a lot of pressure at the time but what’s done is done. I’ll speak to her about it this weekend.

What are you going to or have already said to her? Sorry if I missed, long thread!

we didn’t need to make ours child free because we were first of all our friends and family to get married and no one had kids!

however if that hadn’t been the case, we probs would have made childfree. Our wedding was late afternoon and then dinner and dancing in 5 star London hotel. Only 34 guests. Just wouldn’t have been the same with children

Just what I said in my OP.

I’ll be speaking to her when I get back from our relaxing and well needed spa weekend!

I didn’t realise you’d said this in your OP

enjoy!

Hoping no drama following the chat op

Nah, it turns out she asked because he was making a fuss about not being invited. She quite fancied a night away from him so it's win-win really.

Oh great!

so what was the bitching to your mutual friends about?!

I never actually said that she had been "bitching" to friends (It was some unhinged fantasist who came on the thread early doors that called it "bitching" - most of their replies have now been removed by MN), I said that she had been complaining to friends about her husband not being invited, when actually it transpired that she'd asked whether their husbands or partners had been invited. Again, her husband wanted to know if he'd been purposely not invited. Must be an ego thing.

Who stirred trouble up by saying she was “complaining” about you op?

I guess that was just chinese whispers / misunderstanding. No point in looking for drama where there isn't any my lovely.

Absolutely agree

especially when drama seems thrust upon you quite a bit by friends and family!

all the best for the wedding

Enjoy your day OP.
Glad it's resolved satisfactorily.

Golly, if you consider a couple of misunderstandings and brief bit of agg as “drama being thrust upon me” you must struggle on the daily 😅