To not invite distant friends husband to our wedding

[TeaDrinker1234]

I refer to her as a distant friend; although we used to be close and I was bridesmaid at her wedding 10 years ago. That being said, I have only seen her once in the last 18 months at a friends birthday party.

The last time my FH saw her husband, my FH was asking him to leave their family home at the request of my friend; due to the discovery that a "one night stand" her husband had with a colleague of theirs, actually turned out to be a longer affair.

After sending out the invitations my friend messaged me to ask whether her husband was invited to our wedding and, because I'm a coward; and we have already pissed off family (mainly our parents) by having an adult only wedding due to being on a budget, I told my friend that her husband was on the reserves list so I'd be able to confirm after the RSVP date. I did wonder whether she asked because she wanted to know if they needed to sort childcare but she never replied to my message and hasn't RSVP'd yet. She has also complained to friends that her husband is on the reserves list, so I don't think it's childcare related that she asked. I can't quite fathom why her husband would want to watch us get married. It is quite clear that I do not like him, nor does he like me.

Incidentally, We have also invited colleagues without a plus one, despite socializing more with them, again due to being on a budget and they seem to have understood and accepted the invitation without issue.

So was I compete twat (and unreasonable) for not inviting her husband to our wedding?

I wanted my guests to enjoy themselves so I invited partners or gave them a plus 1. I had a child-free wedding too. You can't please everyone. You have to decide what your priorities are. Mine were good food, lots of booze and for everyone to have a good time. I also invited them to the whole thing, but gave them the option to leave after the ceremony, canapes and drinks as some people had kids or were driving a long distance. Design the day around what works.

Oh my sweet summer child.

Makes sense that so many women on here are so bitter I suppose! 🤣

I think you've been unreasonable with the 'reserve list' business - that's really messing them about. Either invite or don't invite.

Just message and explain why you didn’t invite him (numbers, cost and the previous history) . She’s already pissed off so this can’t make it worse, but at least you’ll have been honest. She may even understand why. If not then you’ll know if she’s coming or not.

She's a friend, albeit not as close as you once were. She has forgiven her husband, that's nothing to do with you. Of course you should invite him.
Maybe colleagues you would invite as a group with no partners, but a married friend? You're being ridiculous. You're giving yourself unnecessary strife, planning your wedding is stressful but there should be some joy in it. If I was your friend, I wouldn't attend.

I agree, either invite them both or neither of them. Asking one half of a couple to a wedding is not on.

OP, this friendship is over.
I wouldn't dream of having someone I didn't like at my wedding.
She's bitching about you, so best she isn't there either.

In your place I would text her that "he isn't invited and I totally understand if you can no longer make it."
No further discussion.

Hopefully she will take the hint.
Forget about it and have a lovely day.

There is no list. She was under family stress and didn't want to have that conversation on the day so deferred it.

The issue is that the man was actively someone they didn't want at the wedding due to his behaviour and lack of contact since.

I'm probably alone in finding weddings boring (since I rarely get invites that's ok!) so I'd not really want to go without DH.

At the last wedding I went to I didn't know anyone else and the rest of the guests were either drunk or unfriendly!

@TeaDrinker1234 Ignore the posters who sound over formal and old! Modern weddings definitely have reserve lists and of course it’s not grabby. It’s pragmatic. The other thing that some posters might not know is that if guests have to spend loads getting to a wedding and staying overnight (or longer) you might not get a wedding present. You get their company. The couple often say no presents in these circumstances too. DD has been to weddings with formal pre dinners, the wedding, and evening do then a farewell bash the next day! These people don’t need a toaster.

Back again, are you? 🤣

As old as my tummy, and a little bit older than my teeth.

Why are YOU so fixated on me and my wedding? Why do YOU care that our parents briefly got aggy that our wedding isn't designed around them? Of course my other friends know the reserve list is fiction.

Why are you back obsessing over this thread again today, under a new username. It's unnerving behavior to be honest.

Honestly, you need to get a job, a hobby, or some friends. Though the latter might be difficult; given your horrible, pious attitude.

Agree with the OP, this is very disturbing behaviour.

OP - YABU to have lied about the reserve list but you seem to know that now.

YANBU to invite who you want. It's your wedding, you decide who you want to celebrate with, just be honest with your friend and accept that she might not attend without her DH.