To not invite distant friends husband to our wedding

[TeaDrinker1234]

I refer to her as a distant friend; although we used to be close and I was bridesmaid at her wedding 10 years ago. That being said, I have only seen her once in the last 18 months at a friends birthday party.

The last time my FH saw her husband, my FH was asking him to leave their family home at the request of my friend; due to the discovery that a "one night stand" her husband had with a colleague of theirs, actually turned out to be a longer affair.

After sending out the invitations my friend messaged me to ask whether her husband was invited to our wedding and, because I'm a coward; and we have already pissed off family (mainly our parents) by having an adult only wedding due to being on a budget, I told my friend that her husband was on the reserves list so I'd be able to confirm after the RSVP date. I did wonder whether she asked because she wanted to know if they needed to sort childcare but she never replied to my message and hasn't RSVP'd yet. She has also complained to friends that her husband is on the reserves list, so I don't think it's childcare related that she asked. I can't quite fathom why her husband would want to watch us get married. It is quite clear that I do not like him, nor does he like me.

Incidentally, We have also invited colleagues without a plus one, despite socializing more with them, again due to being on a budget and they seem to have understood and accepted the invitation without issue.

So was I compete twat (and unreasonable) for not inviting her husband to our wedding?

I agree. You’re placing judgment on her choices: to marry him and to stay with him. By all means have your opinions but don’t judge friends. If she’s your friend close enough to invite to your wedding then you accept her choice of partner. Think of it as good practice for if you have kids! I will accept my kids partners as an extension of them and extend the same love I give my children to them…no matter what I think!

Yup

To be fair you do have a point. I once got bumped up from evening only to full day at the last minute and I was delighted!

A friendship fizzling out is giving year 10 drama? How old are you? 😂

Also... as you know, arranging a wedding in a short timeframe means that a lot of money has gone down already. Why waste that, and celebrating with the rest of our loved ones; for the sake of 1 person who may or may not still have an issue?

He's her fiancé now. When I'm talking about something my now husband did before we were married I still refer to him as my husband!

Going to pick up on your “being on a budget” which means you are limiting who is being invited

everyone has a budget for a wedding but it can be done for a few hundred - everything else is choice and you are choosing to prioritise sone things ( outfits, venue etc ) over others ( people )

Yes because that’s the only drama in all this

not the “reserve list”
the pissed off friend
the bitching to other friends
and pissy parents

I don't think your being unreasonable you want to celebrate with people you actually like rather then someone there because he has to be and doesn't like either of you!

I admit that my fake reserve list was a mistake on my part but pissed off parents and a pissed off - now distant - friend is absolutely a them problem. 👌

That was my thinking! I didn't realize it was a faux pas not to invited married couples as a duo, we just looked at friends and family who we'd happily buy dinner for and made the list from there😅

Sorry I meant to write '...you were her bridesmaid'.

.

Absolutely. If people are important to you then you make it work. You certainly don’t need to drop 50k as OP seems to think! 😂

I was being facetious with £50k, of course.

The people we have invited are important to us. He is not, nor are we important to him.

Are there any other couples where you are only inviting one person? Because I agree with a previous poster, you invite couples as couples, not just one of them.

You invited this friend, whom you haven’t seen for 18 months

and is now bitching about you behind your back to mutual friends

You don’t seem to really “like” this friend though

Indeed, it says a lot about me to invite her even though we have become distant during the most difficult time of my life thus far, maybe I saw it as an olive branch. It also says a lot about her when one considers the behaviour you highlight above.

Just as your posts say a lot about you. Hopefully you’re just having a bad day which will improve tomorrow, and you aren’t usually so unpleasant.

I was referring more to all the family members you have left out.
I know I’d prefer my nieces and nephews to be at my wedding rather than work colleagues.
No wonder your parents are annoyed.

Yes

Ew. Still trolling.

@Anewemail you're being painful and way too invested in this thread 😂😂

You're making sense don't worry OP. I'd leave him off, if she wants to come let her but you don't have to have him

Tricky to vote as so many different things involved.

YWNBU to invite people to a wedding without their partners in some circumstances - for example, a group of 3 you shared University accommodation with for 3 years, but you haven't met, or aren't close to newer partner; or colleagues; or team mates. But this isn't one of those circumstances.

YABU to invite someone 'on her own' to a wedding, when she isn't coming as part of a group.

YABU to not accept that a couple decided to work things through after the affair. It really is their decision, not yours.

Y would N have been U to have just not invited either of them due to your drifting apart over time - life happens, especially as you move away from the area.

YWBU, and indeed, quite ridiculous to tell her that her dh is 'on the reserve list'. If you have chosen not to invite him, then own it. What is she supposed to do with the information that he is 'on hold' and might, or might not be invited ?