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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I get this surgery done or do I cancel it due to work?

145 replies

sha160528 · 22/05/2025 10:39

Hi,

Ive had problems with my breathing since I was a teenager and after years of going back and forth with ENT consultants I’ve finally been referred for an op.

I’ve received the date for my operation and it’s in June. However, there’s a bit of an issue as I’m on a stage 2 at work for sickness (my daughter started nursery in September last year) Usually I get on with whatever illness she brings home and shared with us but on two occasions the bug absolutely wiped me out. The second time I was admitted to hospital with suspected sepsis. As a result of those two occasions of sickness I’m on a stage 2.

If I refuse the date for surgery then they’d need to take me off of their list and I’d have to go through the whole process of being referred by my GP etc again.

My union rep has advised that I take it off as AL but I’m worried that when I go back to work they’ll think I’ve been dishonest and I’ll get in trouble.

If I take it off as sick I’d be on a stage 3 which is more serious.

OP posts:
Leafy3 · 22/05/2025 10:41

Do as your union rep advises. Ridiculous to cancel surgery you need because of work.

TheDayBeforeYouCame · 22/05/2025 10:41

Have the surgery.

Shetlands · 22/05/2025 10:42

Definitely have the surgery. Your health is precious and it sounds like your Union Rep has good advice.

babystarsandmoon · 22/05/2025 10:43

Put your health first and take the surgery.

Invisablepanic · 22/05/2025 10:46

Whether you it it as sickness or AL don't delay the surgery. Why do you think your work would think it dishonest to use AL for an op?

MrsTwinklywoo · 22/05/2025 10:47

You need the surgery, please go ahead with it. If your doctor gave you a sick note/ fit note would that help your situation?
It seems to me that each time you’ve been off previously it was for a legitimate reason. Sometimes people have runs of sickness absence because no one can predict when they’ll be ill. Equally you can go years with no sickness absence . It just is that way sometimes.
Please take care of yourself .

JDM625 · 22/05/2025 10:47

Have the surgery! I thought a pre-planned op like this was looked at/recorded differently to a sudden day off sick?

Would taking unpaid leave be an option?

Original poster
sha160528 · 22/05/2025 10:48

@Invisablepanicbecause when I’ve spoken about using A/L for the surgery previously, my manager said I wouldn’t be allowed to do this and would need to book it off as sick as I’m classed as ‘sick’ x

OP posts:
Icecreamstick · 22/05/2025 10:48

Talk to your line manager. They follow a process butntis always discretionary. If you previously had a good record and are a valued employee, I'd be telling you we'll reset the process and you should absolutely have the op.

Original poster
sha160528 · 22/05/2025 10:51

@Icecreamstickunfortunately she’s not like that with me. Probably because I had an unplanned pregnancy within a week of starting this job and have then gone off sick twice after having my baby (due to the reasons I previously explained) so I don’t think she’ll be making any allowances for me because she told me if she was me she’d hold off of getting the surgery done as it’ll take me to a stage 3

OP posts:
Ahsheeit · 22/05/2025 10:52

Planned surgery is treated separately to normal sickness policy where I work. Do look further at your employer's policies here. Absolutely don't delay the surgery, your health is more important.

Your previous sickness has also been fully authentic and valid. Any sickness meetings at this point should be to talk about any support needed and to check in with you that everything is okay, and you're being proactive with your health. This surgery is proactive.

Icecreamstick · 22/05/2025 10:55

sha160528 · 22/05/2025 10:51

@Icecreamstickunfortunately she’s not like that with me. Probably because I had an unplanned pregnancy within a week of starting this job and have then gone off sick twice after having my baby (due to the reasons I previously explained) so I don’t think she’ll be making any allowances for me because she told me if she was me she’d hold off of getting the surgery done as it’ll take me to a stage 3

If you're likely to be managed out anyway, all the more reason to have the surgery on their time before you start another job....

Viviennemary · 22/05/2025 10:56

sha160528 · 22/05/2025 10:51

@Icecreamstickunfortunately she’s not like that with me. Probably because I had an unplanned pregnancy within a week of starting this job and have then gone off sick twice after having my baby (due to the reasons I previously explained) so I don’t think she’ll be making any allowances for me because she told me if she was me she’d hold off of getting the surgery done as it’ll take me to a stage 3

Well it's difficult as you've already been away a lot and an absent colleague isn't much use to anybody. However, I would go ahead with the surgery if it's necessary as goodness knows how long you will wait if you defer it. How much time have you actually been away from work in say the last 3 years?

EmeraldRoulette · 22/05/2025 10:57

Have the surgery

But what is the official HR policy on plan surgery? I don't see why you need to take annual leave and possibly not sick leave depending on how they cover it.

BoredZelda · 22/05/2025 11:02

sha160528 · 22/05/2025 10:48

@Invisablepanicbecause when I’ve spoken about using A/L for the surgery previously, my manager said I wouldn’t be allowed to do this and would need to book it off as sick as I’m classed as ‘sick’ x

You can use your AL for whatever you want. Surgery isn’t sickness.

Agix · 22/05/2025 11:05

Your manager is wrong. You can legally take annual leave for this. They're being a pain in the ass.

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 22/05/2025 11:06

Have the surgery.
Read your work's absence and sickness policy. A planned op should not be counted in the same way as sudden/unplanned illness.

Original poster
sha160528 · 22/05/2025 11:07

@Viviennemary I started working for this organisation in May 2023, I got pregnant and then returned in October 2024. Have been off sick twice since my return. I did have sickness during pregnancy too but that’s protected so isn’t accounted for in this

OP posts:
amooseymoomum · 22/05/2025 11:07

Sorry but health comes first. it seems like a much needed op so I would do the op or you could be waiting ages for another date

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/05/2025 11:09

Invisablepanic · 22/05/2025 10:46

Whether you it it as sickness or AL don't delay the surgery. Why do you think your work would think it dishonest to use AL for an op?

I agree, @Invisablepanic.

@sha160528 - I do not think it would be dishonest to use your AL for this op - what you do on your AL is no-body's business but yours. If anything, your work should be pleased that you are using your AL for this, rather than having more sick time.

GoodCharl · 22/05/2025 11:10

Document everything around your sickness.. definitely have the surgery. Speak to manager and HR and ask them how you deal with this eg sick or holiday - either way, you must have the surgery! You cant help if you are ill. You have written proof of the appointment its not like you are swinging the lead. Can someone from the union be present when you discuss?

dont feel bad, your health comes first over a job

Happyasarainbow · 22/05/2025 11:10

OP, your company has no jurisdiction over what you can use your annual leave for. You can go on holiday, have surgery, spend the whole time standing on your head...

Have the surgery and don't tell your manager that's what the annual leave is for, it's none of her business. But know that she's either not very good at HR, or trying to get you out.

MagneticSquirrel · 22/05/2025 11:11

Your manager is wrong. Take it as annual leave and have the surgery. Your workplace can’t police what you do on your annual leave.

Twiglets1 · 22/05/2025 11:11

I would book it as AL as the union rep advised and not even mention to work that you are having an operation then.

lovemycbf · 22/05/2025 11:11

I’ve used AL for surgery before
do as your rep advises as you may have problems being referred again

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