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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I get this surgery done or do I cancel it due to work?

145 replies

sha160528 · 22/05/2025 10:39

Hi,

Ive had problems with my breathing since I was a teenager and after years of going back and forth with ENT consultants I’ve finally been referred for an op.

I’ve received the date for my operation and it’s in June. However, there’s a bit of an issue as I’m on a stage 2 at work for sickness (my daughter started nursery in September last year) Usually I get on with whatever illness she brings home and shared with us but on two occasions the bug absolutely wiped me out. The second time I was admitted to hospital with suspected sepsis. As a result of those two occasions of sickness I’m on a stage 2.

If I refuse the date for surgery then they’d need to take me off of their list and I’d have to go through the whole process of being referred by my GP etc again.

My union rep has advised that I take it off as AL but I’m worried that when I go back to work they’ll think I’ve been dishonest and I’ll get in trouble.

If I take it off as sick I’d be on a stage 3 which is more serious.

OP posts:
Strictlymad · 22/05/2025 12:33

She also is really overstepping to make suggestions re your health, she would postpone it etc

chaosmaker · 22/05/2025 12:37

I would go above her head again and also talk to HR. Glad you've booked AL and wish you well with the op.

saraclara · 22/05/2025 12:37

Oops. Wrong thread

MellowPinkDeer · 22/05/2025 12:41

Seriously @sha160528where on earth do you work where you can’t take time off for an operation?

Londontown12 · 22/05/2025 12:42

My hubbi just has nasal surgery ! Take it off pre warn them the dates and don’t discuss further ( maybe email so u have trail ) my hubbi was off work for 2 weeks made an amazing recovery and breathing is so much better don’t let work tell u not to have surgery this is your health not theirs!!! Good luck x

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 22/05/2025 12:42

summerscomingsoon · 22/05/2025 11:50

This.

you've had 2 periods of sickness in 7 months. It's hardly excessive by any means. i can't even understand how you have been put on stage 1 sickness never mind stage 2. unless there is something youve not told us.

It sounds as if your manager is trying to get rid of you. I would definietly be seeking legal advice

Show quote history

Fairly sure when I was in NHS it was 3 periods of absence in 6 months, 4 periods of absence in 12, 10 days in the last 12 months or any identified patterns (eg Xmas, bank holidays, day after payday).

2 absences could easily fall into the 10 days.

summerscomingsoon · 22/05/2025 12:44

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 22/05/2025 12:42

Fairly sure when I was in NHS it was 3 periods of absence in 6 months, 4 periods of absence in 12, 10 days in the last 12 months or any identified patterns (eg Xmas, bank holidays, day after payday).

2 absences could easily fall into the 10 days.

Show quote history

Thanks, I work in public sector and ours is 5 periods in rolling 12 months

thinking about this further it's also 12 days. not sure if the OP said how many actual days she's been off - maybe this triggered the action

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 22/05/2025 12:44

RareGoalsVerge · 22/05/2025 12:15

Putting you on a disciplinary for something like this would be disability discrimination.

However, I would ask for the time off as unpaid leave, although you'd be fully entitled to take it as sick leave, purely because disability discrimination protection doesn't require employers to give you unlimited sick leave - if your sick leave requirements mean that you aren't actually doing the job then they are entitled to get rid of you. Therefore a short period of unpaid leave signals that you aren't taking the piss. Hopefully once the surgery is done all will be well again. But do not postpone the surgery. Your health and wellbeing is a more important priority than any employment.

OP hasn’t suggested this condition falls within the terms of a disability……..

Tbrh · 22/05/2025 12:45

Have the surgery, quit if necessary

Agapornis · 22/05/2025 12:46

When I had surgery they offered to write me a sick note for the period I was to be off work, have you asked for one? I was not marked down for my absence. You also need to change how you log 'illness' - emergency dependant leave and disability/lifelong condition related illness is not the same as a bug.

I strongly suspect your manager isn't actually following HR advice and you could argue she is acting vexatiously considering your previous complaint about her. Have a chat with HR together with the union rep, without your manager. Hopefully it'll be positive and constructive and you can cc HR in any emails to her. You might even be assigned a new line manager if you're lucky!

bigboykitty · 22/05/2025 12:47

If it's NHS, planned surgery is exempt from the sickness policy and it sounds like it is in some other workplaces too.

MushMonster · 22/05/2025 12:48

Do as the union rep advises.
Do not miss that op. Health comes first.

ruethewhirl · 22/05/2025 12:52

I agree with your rep, take it as AL if you need to, but do have the op. Health must come first.

Mischance · 22/05/2025 12:53

You should not have to use annual leave for planned surgery. I think your union rep is wrong there.

Funnyduck60 · 22/05/2025 12:54

Put your big girl pants on and speak to your line manager, copying in HR if you have one. I'd take it as annual leave.

KellySeveride · 22/05/2025 12:56

Ahsheeit · 22/05/2025 10:52

Planned surgery is treated separately to normal sickness policy where I work. Do look further at your employer's policies here. Absolutely don't delay the surgery, your health is more important.

Your previous sickness has also been fully authentic and valid. Any sickness meetings at this point should be to talk about any support needed and to check in with you that everything is okay, and you're being proactive with your health. This surgery is proactive.

This. I recently had 12 weeks off for planned surgery and my manager explicitly told me it would not count towards and trigger episodes for sickness management. I work for the NHS.

Butterflyarms · 22/05/2025 12:58

Your manager has it in for you.

Handbagcuriosity · 22/05/2025 13:00

Have the surgery. Don’t do what your rep advised as you could be disciplined if found out. If you go to stage three so be it. If you’re generally a good worker and generally have good attendance till recently then what next step would your employer likely take? Am guessing you work for the NHS or other public sector?

Cakeandusername · 22/05/2025 13:03

I’m public sector and we have policies eg so many absences trigger but there is discretion. I wouldn’t count surgery absence within that. I’d rather employ had surgery and got better. It sounds like a total breakdown between you and manager. You shouldn’t be having to use annual leave imo for medically necessary surgery (our policy differentiates between that and cosmetic)

aster10 · 22/05/2025 13:05

Handbagcuriosity · 22/05/2025 13:00

Have the surgery. Don’t do what your rep advised as you could be disciplined if found out. If you go to stage three so be it. If you’re generally a good worker and generally have good attendance till recently then what next step would your employer likely take? Am guessing you work for the NHS or other public sector?

Out of curiosity, why would we be disciplined if we have some sort of surgery during our annual leave? What in your view is not allowed during annual leave?

Handbagcuriosity · 22/05/2025 13:07

Just seen your updates. Your manager telling you to postpone your surgery is terrible advice from them! Your health is important. If you hit stage 3 then is there a period of monitoring? If so would you have to have another batch of sicknesses to progress to stage 4? I would really rethink booking in the annual leave as it could leave you in trouble. I’m not saying this to scare you but what if something goes wrong, your surgery is delayed? Or you need longer to recover? You’d be playing right into your managers hands. Unless hitting stage 3 is a guaranteed dismissal which I very much doubt. It would be better to just be honest

NewsdeskJC · 22/05/2025 13:09

I'd love to see them pursuing a disciplinary for planned surgery.
The sickness framework exists to ensure that everyone is treated fairly ( hence suggesting that a/l shouldn't be used). But the outcome had to be that you are treated fairly. It's not intended to penalise illness.

Handbagcuriosity · 22/05/2025 13:10

aster10 · 22/05/2025 13:05

Out of curiosity, why would we be disciplined if we have some sort of surgery during our annual leave? What in your view is not allowed during annual leave?

Show quote history

Because annual leave is for rest and relaxation. Not getting surgery. Because OP may need annual leave to enjoy work life balance the rest of the year or for childcare and won’t have enough to do this

Because it can mask issues. If someone has an underlying health condition and hides it and uses annual leave instead of sickness then their employer won’t be able to support with adjustments

Lots of reasons

RosesAndHellebores · 22/05/2025 13:10

Impossible to advise without start date in role and the start and end date of each episode of absence.

Sadly it sounds as thoughyour relationship with your manager is already fractured.

daisypond · 22/05/2025 13:16

suki1964 · 22/05/2025 11:14

Planed/elective surgery has always been AL situations in places I have worked, because you arent actually sick

You need to check your sickness policy

I had “elective” surgery for cancer four times. I was hardly going to refuse it, was I? It was necessary to save my life. I was sick. Virtually all surgery is planned and elective. I’m shocked that you feel you should take this as AL. It would definitely be sickness where I work and wouldn’t count against you.

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