To not complain about nursery handing our daughter off to a man they haven’t seen before

[DefendingPan]

So background: my father in law is a silver tongued fox and very personable.

He was visiting the area and decided to pick my daughter up from nursery on the way in, I arrived at the nursery to see him in the doorway, holding her hand and saying goodbye to the nursery staff.

My wife thinks we should complain because they didn’t know him from Adam but I think if we complain they’ll just say that they wouldn’t have let them leave until a parent got here cos he was still technically in the nursery and the nursery is attached to the school and I don’t think kicking up a fuss is the best first impression with the primary school.

Any thoughts? AIBU for not wanting to complain?

This is such a weird post it makes me doubt how real it is

Obviously you complain. I'm presuming from what you said that hadn't given nursery permission for this. So what if the had let her go off with the wrong person? You need to complain purely because it shouldn't happen

I also think this is so unlikely to happen.

(Add in that the OP hasn't been back to thread 793 posts in....)

No Nursery is going to let any random person they've never met anywhere near a child. You can't just stroll up and say "I've come to collect child X" and think they would hand child over to you.

This is a massive safeguarding issue. It needs to be reported. Why did the nursery let him anywhere near the child in the first place? Speak to nursery manager or headteacher about it. The next child who they let leave with a 'relative' might be being taken by someone who's banned from contact but has the gift of the gab.

Without your consent. That is a problem.

Of course you report it.

Whether he's a "silver tongued fox" or not, he's unknown to the nursery. They absolutely should not have let him leave with your child.

Very strange that you don't seem to see an issue with them effectively letting anyone just take your child home.

@DefendingPan

HUGE safeguarding issue!! They should NEVER take a small child's word for it & let them go with anyone that you haven't specifically given permission for - NEVER! I say this as a teacher in a Primary School. If you have a pre-agreed list of people or even ring ahead in the case of an emergency & the child clearly knows the adult, then fine. Otherwise, categorically not - the instant your FIL turned up to collect, they should have been on the phone to you. DEFINITELY raise your concerns. Don't worry about looking bad to the school at all. You have the right to be bloody fuming!!

Oh yeah, I totally agree! I was just saying that it was likely a judgment call (wrongly made of course) and then suggesting that a way to take judgment calls off the table so they can’t be made correctly or incorrectly is to enforce a password.

I would be apoplectic. Massive issue.
Even if it is "fine" for your child it isn't fine for many.

I wouldn’t complain. I’d raise polite feedback that it was safe and ok in this case, but the nursery should consider reviewing the process on future regarding non-named adults

It’s worrying the staff even made the judgement call in the first place, luckily it was a loving grandfather but if they made that judgement and it was the wrong person it would be unthinkable the outcome.
A lot of nurseries do the password thing, it’s a good idea to keep them safe. We also had a list of people allowed to collect, I wonder if grandad was on the list maybe

Pointing out a safeguarding risk is not 'kicking up a fuss'.

It's 100% a safeguarding issue and should be flagged. Even though it was fine for your child as FIL poses no threat to your child- think about the children who do have adults in their lives that may pose a threat to them and that may attempt to gain access to them via nursery. The rules are there to protect all children and it is vital they are followed.

**edited to add that you also don't have to complain as such, just point out that it was a risk and not to allow that to happen again.

Yeah so it’s not just a list of what can’t with the rest of the world allowed then is it.

I absolutely love and trust my Dad and he adores my children, but if he wasn’t stopped from collecting my kids in the situation you describe, I’d lose my mind. The nursery are absolutely at fault here and you must complain and report.

My (step)FIL is a convicted paedophile who spent 3 years in prison for child sexual offences.

Now my children would never go with him because they wouldn’t know him from some random on the street as we are NC obviously. But the idea of it fills me with horror.

Our nursery would only release children to someone other than the parent if they had express permission for that specific day and they needed a photo ID sent in advance so they could ID them at the door.

I would lose my mind at them. It’s a huge safeguarding issue.

I wouldn't "kick up a fuss", more helpfully point out that there might have been a breach of their procedures and perhaps they'd like to check processes.

The nursery should not be letting anyone in they do not know. Even if child says that’s grandad. There has been no communication from parent to give permission and provide photo or description of grandparent. Massive safeguarding failure. Complain and possibly report to ofsted. Ask for nursery safeguarding policy and procedures. For example: No person let in to nursery who is not known or expected. No child let go with other adult other than parent without permission from parent. If adult is unknown there should be a process to follow eg a password or photo id, etc.

The nursery is its own building, it has a little section by the front door for the coats and bags so he walked up to the open door at pickup time.

For those asking no, the nursery staff had never seen him before. There are no passwords or passcodes needed to enter.

We also live in a small quiet town where not much goes on.

I can’t believe this tbh. You are too blase and don’t seem bothered that the nursery basically handed over your baby to a random person. You must be trolling for a reaction because any other parent I know would be furious. This is worrying for every child in the nursery, as well as yours. You are effectively saying that any decent looking bloke can sweet talk their way into taking a child away from a care setting that should be protecting them. There should be passwords and procedures in place to stop this. It chills me that this could happen and more that you are so lax and don’t mind

I work in a primary school and we only hand over children to those relatives specifically named as contacts. In the past we have let dgps sit with sick dcs until the parents arrive but only in the school office ie behind a secure door. If your dc was on the other side of that door, meaning your father in law could walk away with her, that’s completely unacceptable.

I work in early years and have even refused a grandparent who had collected from me before, because I'd forgotten I'd met him

@DefendingPan

We also live in a quiet small town where not much goes on. And our nursery is in its own building. There are still multiple locked doors before you get to the kids room.
I can’t even get in the very front door without pressing the buzzer entry and staff allowing me in when they see me on the camera. Is it literally just a case of anyone can walk in and up to the open door at pick up? It sounds very casual for what should be a very strict part of the day IMO!

Just for comparison - our nursery pick up/drop off protocol is:

Drop off-

• camera buzzer entry at front door. Nursery head/deputy head buzzes us in through 2 locked doors. We’re greeted by them at the front desk where they then radio along to the kids room “That’s Callum on his way with mum” while we head along to hand up his bag and coat. A key worker is then waiting at the locked playroom door to welcome him in there. I tell them at that point who is picking up that day. They’re fine with “it’ll be me or dad” or if it’s someone else then they want specific name and for me to send a photo via the app if they haven’t met them before.

Pick up-

• Again, I’m buzzed in through 2 locked doors and then greeted by head/depute head. They then radio along “that’s mum for Callum” and I go along and he is signed out at the door by a key worker.
• If anyone else came to pick up they’d automatically check the sign in sheet to see who was down for pick up. If it was “Auntie Jane” they’d then check the app and double check the photo id sent before allowing her along to get our child.
• any doubt at all they would call me.
• My mum collects my son frequently and even if I’d said “mum or dad will pick up” and she turned up instead they’d call me or DH just to double check.

Personally I’d raise it as a formal complaint.
What about the kid who loves Grandpa but isn’t allowed to see him because he’s a danger? I’m sure that kid would act excited to see him too. Would you be happy for them to make a judgement call in that situation?

COMPLAIN!

What happens if the neighbour or local weirdo from the park pop in and as your daughter has seen them around recognises them so smiles when the staff hand her over- would you be ok then?

I can’t believe you are even questioning it!

@daffodilandtulip Good!! This is exactly what any decent parent/caregiver would want you to do 😊