To not complain about nursery handing our daughter off to a man they haven’t seen before

[DefendingPan]

So background: my father in law is a silver tongued fox and very personable.

He was visiting the area and decided to pick my daughter up from nursery on the way in, I arrived at the nursery to see him in the doorway, holding her hand and saying goodbye to the nursery staff.

My wife thinks we should complain because they didn’t know him from Adam but I think if we complain they’ll just say that they wouldn’t have let them leave until a parent got here cos he was still technically in the nursery and the nursery is attached to the school and I don’t think kicking up a fuss is the best first impression with the primary school.

Any thoughts? AIBU for not wanting to complain?

Accidentally voted the wrong way.

This needs a discussion with nursery. Pronto.

This is a massive safeguarding fail and you need to complain. There are set procedures about who can collect a child. Where I work we require photos and passwords for anyone new picking up. I wonder how many times they have done this before?

Usually I'm on the nurseries side but this is a massive safeguarding issue. They should not be letting your child go off with someone they don't know. If your FIL isn't on the list of people allowed to pick your child up then absolutely complain. He could have been anyone.
I would speak to the manager ASAP. They need to train their staff on safeguarding now.

There are lots of posts on here about nurseries and schools on here I’d just roll my eyes at, but this one is really bad, OP.

You might be ok with the lax security because your DD was fine and it was all ok. What if the next silvertongued fox that talks his way into taking a child from the nursery shouldn’t have access to that child for a very good reason?

Clearly there is either a massive hole in the nursery’s safeguarding policy or the policy is fine and the staff aren’t trained or are ignoring it. This is a thing it is definitely worth making a polite, but firm official complaint about.

Massive safeguarding issue

Of course you should complain. Prevent a situation like this from happening again whereby the taker may not have the best intentions.

Mental. At my nursery - it needs to be logged in the App with the time of pick up - with a photo of the person - anyone permitted to pick up has to have a profile in the app. That person needs a password and they have to bring a form of photo ID.

And if it's not a usual occurance- they still require an email.

My Mum went to pick up DC a few weeks ago and despite everything being in place she had to go back to her car for her ID. My Mum has picked up before but it's ad hoc.

I'd 100% complain.

Complain. No doubt about it.

Absolutely report as a safeguarding issue. If they aren’t pulled up on it then they’ll continue to have a lax attitude about it. There’s going to be other children that have family members that are unsafe and that they shouldn’t be going with. My autistic child calls every old man grandad and would happily go with a stranger. Horrifying that they aren’t checking first.

Bizarre all round. Bizarre of your FIL to do that without even checking with you. Bizarre of you not to care, and to call him a ‘silver tongued fox’ 😕🥴

shocking of your nursery to let your dd go with him. Definitely have a serious word with them.

I know you don’t want to kick up a fuss, however this is an incredibly serious safeguarding issue. Just be factual and calm when you raise it.

I went to pick up my 9yr old granddaughter from school yesterday and the teacher asked for the password, which I couldn't remember! My gd told him I was her Granny but he wouldn't let her go until I finally recalled the word. The teacher was 100% correct to do this of course. If I hadn't remembered, there's a back up system in reception with my name & photo.

I can’t believe that anyone could possibly think is an ok situation.
If he really was allowed to take her out of nursery with no password or prior arrangement then you should be informing OFSTED as soon as possible.
It is a massive safeguarding issue and they will take it very seriously

My kids nursery wouldn’t even let another parent (with another child in the nursery) collect my child unless they had spoken to me first. Absolutely never.

I would be livid, this is a serious safeguarding failure. And next time it might not be “silver tongued fox” FIL, but a serious predator. Aside from this, there may be children in the nursery - and likely there are - who for very good reason may be in care or adopted etc. whom would be at serious risk if birth family for instance turned up and were able to pick them up unchallenged, or a parent whom is not allowed contact or is a sexual offender. Wise up. I would be coming down unbelievably hard on nursery for this - it is their ultimate responsibility above anything else to keep the children in their care safe - and seriously reassessing your own approach to risk and safeguarding.

I've occasionally picked up a relatives child from nursery and have to give a password before the little girl even sees me.
Ask to see their policy.

I would go nuclear in this situation!! The fact that you don't think you need to complain is very worrying. Most nurseries, including ours requires a password at the door if a different person is doing pick up. I'd be removing my child from that setting with immediate effect if that happened to me. Can you imagine if a parent had escaped a violent abusive household and the child was collected by the abuser when they found out where they were!? Your child was safe, but who knows what could happen to other children if this happened again

Nursery didn’t let my husband (and my kids’ Dad) in the other day until they had double checked because he so rarely picks them up!

Are you sure you didn’t submit a safe people list when the child first joined with FIL on? And have forgotten? Because my kids’ grandparents are all on a list at the nursery.

At the nursery our DD attends, you are asked for a list of people who are authorised to collect your child. This should be standard practice and anyone not on the list should not be allowed past the security door. I would definitely speak to the nursery manager. It’s not acceptable. In your situation it turned out ok but it may not for another child. Definitely needs to be mentioned

Absolutely complain! Huge safeguarding issues! When my dd went to nursery they asked if there were issues with dad picking her up (they knew we weren’t together) had code words for grandparents that they used!!

My grandsons nursery know who I am, recognise me as soon as I go in & yet they STILL wouldn't release him to my care until I showed them the messages from DIL's Instagram account asking me to pick him up - she'd forgotten to tell them I was getting him.

And I was fine with that, impressed even.

Why are you being so calm? They gave your child to someone they didn’t know

OP, even if your child expressed a wish to go to Grandad and his identity could be proved they shouldn’t have released him/her to FIL if he wasn’t registered with them for pickups. Kidnapping situations can occur within families and it isn’t always a parent who takes the child in the first instance.

I’d be complaining, reporting, and moving to another nursery.

This is certainly a breach of safeguarding rules. You should not be down playing this at all. You say they wouldn’t let them leave until a parent was there but your FIL and your DC were saying bye to the workers. That’s not keeping them there. My child’s nursery the children are called as the parents or care givers are seen. If there is someone not recognised the child will s not called but the workers then try to establish if this person is meant to be taking the child. A complaint does need to be filed and retraining is required by all staff involved.