To be in a different room to my kids

[Pinksundress]

Kids are four and a half and (nearly) two

by 6 I’ve had enough of them (I know!)

Four year old goes in the shower. I can see and hear her. She likes playing in there.

Two year old I pop in the spare room and watches CBeebies on the TV in there. And I sit in my room.

I feel a bit mean sometimes like I should be interacting with them but … Anyway I guess I’m wondering if I’m BU?

I think this post is the third one I have confirmed she attends preschool for three days a week.

I would maybe just suggest having a monitor on for the 2 year old. My DD is 2 and very very smart and vocal. She can express ALOT with words so if I'm giving newborn a bath or need to do something with newborn I have a monitor on and she talks to me through it if she wants anything and I pop miss rachel on and some safe toys x

Is the 2 year old not nearly ready for bed by 6pm? You could be winding down with stories etc. The earlier they head to bed the quicker you get your alone time!

I find it weird leaving a kid in a shower for 20 mins too.

Bit sad reading this post.

She goes to bed at 7. Bath at 620, out by 640, milk, teeth, reads books. Is the sad part that she’s alone? As I am reconsidering that, I’m just not sure what’s wrong with anything else!

It’s a weird post. You’ve posted as if to say you’re doing something neglectful and then every time someone says you’re being neglectful you explain why you’re not 🤷‍♀️ if you feel so strongly that you’re not why on earth post?

Playing in another room, especially one you can see from wherever you are, I think is fine.

4 is too young to be showering alone though.

Because I was really asking about the little one but pretty much every post has fixated on my leaving my four year old alone in the shower, but I don’t, so it’s reasonable to point that out!

Is the 2 year old not nearly ready for bed by 6pm? You could be winding down with stories etc. The earlier they head to bed the quicker you get your alone time!

but the earlier they go to bed, the earlier they get up!
Some parents are happy with 5 or 6am start, not all of us are.

Mine could never have been in bed at 6 or 7. Was 6 pm by time id got back from work and sorted ( or still sorting ) dinner

Have a 2 and 4 yo as well, definitely wouldn't do this. I bath (or shower them together and relax when they're sleeping.

A shower is not a bath, you can't drown in a shower

I would do both these things op. I frequently leave my 2yo in a room without me watching TV. Good heavens, what else is tv for?! Sometimes I leave her there when I go out to hang washing or whatever so neither in sight or earshot.
I do get the guilty feeling that you should be sitting watching with her, interacting etc. I even agree in principle that using screens as babysitters isn't good for kids. But you've got to do what you've got to do, I pick my battles so that I do have the emotional energy for her the rest of the time, including in the middle of the night etc. And I don't think it will damage mine, or yours.

It's also healthy for children to learn to do things alone and to feel independent. Children are capable of doing so much more than parents understand at a really young age. We end up doing way too much for our kids and we don't give them enough opportunities to be more independent.

I'm not necessarily saying the OP's situation is wrong but you can drown in a shower - you only need an inch of water to drown. If a toy were to cover and slow down the water draining away, and she stood up to reach something and slipped and landed face down the yes she absolutely could drown

@Pinksundress you say you can see the nearly 2 year old - but if she got upset over something or accidently dropped the tablet on her face/fell off the bed and you went in to her, could you then still see the 4 year old? Or vice versa, if the 4 year old asked you to pass her something could you still see the 1 year old from in the en suite?

Because the accidents that come into A&E that people regret always happen in a split second and they always say 'I was only gone for a second'...

Other than that I dont think the youngest having time alone is bad so long as it isn't all of the time and she is happy. Same with the 4 year old. Nothing wrong with fostering independence so long as it's done safely

Seriously OP, just ignore them all, they're being ridiculous, and, as you say, bonkers. You'll never convince people on here and nor should you have to. What you are doing is not neglect, it's not dangerous, it's perfectly reasonable. I've studied pedagogy for 3 years and I'm telling you it's actually quite good for your daughter to get a bit of independence in showering alone, and it's good for your stress levels to get a bit of me-time. The TV time per day should be limited to about half an hour, but Moon and Me is a great show and is the absolute antithesis of horrendous dopamine-dump shows like Paw Patrol.
My recommendation would be to ask MN to delete this thread as it will only make you crazy, and rest assured that you are not "mean" or a bad mother but simply a human being who has had enough by 6pm.

She hasn’t got a tablet. She’s watching TV.

Moon and Me is a tad trippy. I do find it very calming in a strange way, though!

I wish there was stars of something, because your post wins on all passive-aggressive and ignorant levels!

but surely they will then go to bed, and you have plenty of time once they are asleep

So so unlikely, first of all, the OP says she can see her, secondly, that could technically happen to anyone. I have never seen such a case reported

During Covid I used to pop my 2 and 4 yo in the shower together with some cups and leave the water going at a very light stream. I would sit on the stairs outside the bathroom door with a glass of wine and let them play, it gave me 20 minutes of peace and they came out all snuggly warm and clean.

I don’t see the problem if you can get to them in a split second. I wouldn’t have headphones or in/music on or anything though.

My 4 and 6 year old don't need me sitting next to the bath. I do help them wash and exit the bath but leave them alone while they're playing in the water. Maybe that depends on the child. If yours is very clumsy/prone to slipping I can understand the extra caution. Of course the house size/layout also matter. We live in an appartment and can hear what's going on in the bathroom from pretty much anywhere.

My 1yo likes to wander around the flat, I'm not gonna follow her around all the time as nothing would ever get done otherwise.

Obviously there are no stairs or other such things.

"@Pinksundress you say you can see the nearly 2 year old - but if she got upset over something or accidently dropped the tablet on her face/fell off the bed and you went in to her, could you then still see the 4 year old? Or vice versa, if the 4 year old asked you to pass her something could you still see the 1 year old from in the en suite?"

But what's your solution then ? If OP is with the 2yo then she can't see the 4yo, and vice versa. If either one of them hurt themselves she'd go to them obviously, which means losing sight of the other child, but that's simply inevitable as soon as you have more than one. Better to be somewhere you can hear/see both, even if not in the actual same room.

lol at plenty of time

but no, it isn’t the time really. The run up to dinner is definitely the most stressful part of the day and it’s nice to have a quiet few moments. That’s all.

It’s more the social aspect of it I was posting about. Not doubting that terrible things do happen to children at home but generally family homes aren’t dens of danger and hazards!

That's not a healthy level of anxiety to live with. A shower is not going to fill and drown a 4 year old in the time it takes to walk over from the next room.
It's simply impossible to be right next to 2 small children at all times, and even if are, you can't prevent every accident. That's why they're called accidents.