To be in a different room to my kids

[Pinksundress]

Kids are four and a half and (nearly) two

by 6 I’ve had enough of them (I know!)

Four year old goes in the shower. I can see and hear her. She likes playing in there.

Two year old I pop in the spare room and watches CBeebies on the TV in there. And I sit in my room.

I feel a bit mean sometimes like I should be interacting with them but … Anyway I guess I’m wondering if I’m BU?

Well, I was really wondering about DD2, but most posts have fixated on DD1 being alone in the shower, even though she isn’t.

Realistically, with more than one child if you’re watching one closely enough that one doesn’t slip in the shower, so like a hawk, not briefly turning to put toothpaste on a toothbrush or similar, then you aren’t watching the other.

DD1 actually sits in the shower. I think she just likes the water!

All I’ll say is my mum never did anything with us when we were kids. Plonked us on our own to our own devices. Our relationship is completely crap now and this lack of effort plays a major part in that.

She isn’t, and I haven’t said that she is.

None of the children in her preschool nap.

most people seem to think leaving the two year old is OK!

I find it shocking, from a safety perspective. You must have a very different toddler to the one I have! Mine would be climbing, eating things, launching off the bed, going down the stairs etc. Why can’t 2 yr old go in their bed whilst you’re quickly showering your 4yr old and then you have a quick 20 min sit down on your bed whilst 2yr plays with toys in their bed and your 4yr old gets in to bed with a book. Timers would be life changing for you I think! We use Siri constantly in my house to let my children know expectations and when they have to be quiet and do an activity etc

My other is in a play pen or his bed safely whilst I shower and help dry my 4 1/2 yr old. Otherwise I’d have no idea if he was safe or not.

My partner was in the shower (hadn’t even started running the thing), slipped and caught his shin on the bath handle. Sliced into his leg like a hot knife in butter. 7 weeks later ( and many many nurse visits) it’s healed. Was a blood bath (no pun intended!!). Accidents can happen anywhere. He is clumsy though!!
OP maybe a bit of screen time for the older child whilst the little one naps maybe for some down time! I must be a horrid parent though. My almost 6 year old has been up since 5 worried he would be late for school…. And I’m shattered so we’ve agreed on a wash in the morning tonight!! Straight into his jamas and bed at 7!!! Scruffy little monkey!

@JIMER202 , there isn’t a TV in her bedroom. She enjoys watching Moon and Me on CBeebies and she watches that while DD1 is in the shower. I guess it is quite calming as she doesn’t move from the bed!

She is a fairly chilled out soul to be fair to her.

So my 4 1/2 yr old showers daily and I have caught him when he’s slipped before. I’m not physically in the shower but I do stand there for the 5 mins he takes to wash and shower off his body and then he’s right out. We have a shower curtain however and previously our house had a partial screen, we haven’t lived in a home with a fully enclosed shower but I imagine if we did we would add a shower attachment to the bath most likely. I can see how a fully enclosed shower would mean you couldn’t avoid a fall.

Of course leaving the two year old is not ok.
None of it is ok, but op is totally happy that it’s all fine, despite posting for opinions (just to argue against, it seems).
Maybe she’s just bored.

Ok what i would adapt then is put her in her baby bed/crib with some toys. I do this with mine if I need a minute without panicking he may sneak down the stairs. Adding an Alexa to his room to play music and rain sounds has been so helpful too but a radio would also work! That way she isn’t at any risk of any harm from getting to the stairs or climbing furniture etc and you can let go of the guilt! I think you’d actually relax better then too. It’s no good if you’re getting 20 mins but worrying.

I’ve repeatedly said that leaving the two year old is really what I’m asking about, but the answers have almost exclusively focused on the four year old.

The thread has gone bonkers though, to the point where I’m lost. I’m sitting on a bed with my children in full view and somehow from that we’ve extrapolated my children never leave the house and that they are left to their own devices on screens all of the time!

We’ve got a fully enclosed shower and it was never a problem to be within touching distance of my daughter when she was little - I just left the door open and put several bath mats down to catch any splashes. On the two occasions I can remember that she slipped, I was able to grab her before she hurt herself.

Watching 2 simultaneous little kids in different directions. Only takes a couple of minutes

Is that so tricky to guess? Surely her preference is you and any attention you offer, over a machine.Though careful, soon enough with such habitual patterns, she may start to favour the machine.

If your eldest like the sensation of water, have you tried filling a plastic container with water and giving them some toys and objects to play with. Like a Beth but they themselves are not in wAter (and safe). Or playdough or genetic sand?

As another poster has suggested, why don’t you put your younger daughter in a playpen? I found it a godsend when my daughter was very young. If I needed to answer the door or pop up to the toilet I could just plonk her in the playpen for a couple of minutes and know that she way completely safe. My mother in law bought her a big activity playpen and she was happy to stay in it for ages.

I think this is the nearly two (as opposed to just turned one) is relevant: there’s absolutely no way she’d stay in a playpen happily. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with twenty minutes TV; she’s happy. What I’m questioning is if I should be in the room with her and I probably will change that. It’s just so nice not to have a child climbing on me …

At those ages I'd be more inclined to leave them both in front of CBeebies for half an hour at 6 pm while I recharge, then gather them up for a hands-on bedtime routine. The situation you describe seems risky - I wouldn't do it when looking after someone else's DC so why do it with your own? I'd also be worried about the 4yo not washing properly.

I definitely wouldn’t trust her to wash herself

OP I would never ask something like this on AIBU, people are nuts.

I used to leave all 3 of mine on their own in front of TV from 2yrs old so I could have a shower - you know your own kids and if they can be trusted with this. It would never have crossed my kids' minds to do all this 'eating stuff, pulling the TV down, unlocking the front door' crap that everyone says all small children do - if you feel ok about what you're doing then screw what anyone else would do.

But if you're interested, I think what you've described is absolutely fine. I work with actual neglected children and this is not it.

YANBU

Seriously, some of these replies are ridiculous.

It's 20 min of TV for the little one and a supervised shower for the older dc.
I really don't see the issue.

I don't think you should leave your toddler on her own.

Why can't she use a tablet or watch tv in your bedroom with you, while her sister showers?

If you've had enough, just make it to bedtime- it can't be that far away?

If you used a playpen, you could leave her safely in a separate room on her own for a little while. She might not like a playpen at first, but she would soon get used to it.

She could @category12 . The problem is when I’m there she doesn’t really settle and calmly watch the programme. And it’s so nice to have that peace and quiet.

Initially I just popped her there with the TV while I sorted her sister out but then she was enjoying it and then it became a little routine. I only thought today ‘aww, dd2 is on her own in there!’ She doesn’t seem to mind though so part of me thinks it ain’t broke. Definitely don’t see the point in buying a playpen, dragging it upstairs for her to cry and whinge when she’s happy otherwise.

Things do change and evolve with young children, and I’ll keep doing so. I might try her in the room with me tomorrow, see
if she’ll settle a bit better.

I wouldn’t leave them in another room - i hear you on the being tired by 6pm - my secret toddler hack is the “Paw patrol eye spy rescue” podcast series which is free on audible.
my three year old has to be quiet to listen and will sit very happily with a plate of snacks listening to the stories whilst I get my evening jobs done- you can put it on your phone and then have them in the room where you are! I think it’s a great alternative to the TV which I can never turn off without a huge meltdown.

We all feel burnt out sometimes but if you are regularly doing this at 6pm that is sad for you & your kids