To be in a different room to my kids

[Pinksundress]

Kids are four and a half and (nearly) two

by 6 I’ve had enough of them (I know!)

Four year old goes in the shower. I can see and hear her. She likes playing in there.

Two year old I pop in the spare room and watches CBeebies on the TV in there. And I sit in my room.

I feel a bit mean sometimes like I should be interacting with them but … Anyway I guess I’m wondering if I’m BU?

I’ve never known anyone with a child of that age who didn’t stand or sit right next to the shower while they were using it. My daughter used to like the shower, and it was much easier to sit on the floor next to it with the door open for five minutes than to sit next to the bath for much longer. And of course your two year old wants to play with you - all young children want their parents to play with them. Surely it’s not too much to ask not to leave her alone in front of the TV? You can have your time to yourself once they’ve both gone to bed.

I was asking opinions on here @ToKittyornottoKitty but most people seem to think leaving the two year old is OK! So the thread did go differently to how I thought.

I think my children are loved and well cared for and that I am sure there are some things I could do better. I was thinking today ‘should really get DD2 from the spare room’ but I could see her quietly watching moon and me and I just couldn’t quite bring myself to!

It’s because the almost two year old is 1. They aren’t 2 yet therefore they are 1. No it’s not ok for them to be in room by themselves watching tv whilst the OP sits they bed in another room for 20 minutes.

Cursory eye 😂

Isn’t little one in bath yet?

She’s asleep now, or close to it.

she could burn herself in the shower, she is far too young to leave

That isn’t what is happening though. Someone who is one year old, is one year old. When they turn 2 they become 2. Same as my son can’t get served in a pub when he’s 17 years old and 11 months, because he is 17 not 18. And to the OPs question, I wouldn’t leave my 1 or 2 year old alone for 20 minutes on a bed in their room as I preferred to supervise then I knew they weren’t putting random crap in their mouths (even some 3 year olds do that!) or falling asleep. So actually for my opinion and provably several others it doesn’t matter if the kid is 12 months or 23.5 months.

I’ve defended you over the shower, but actually I wouldn’t put my 2 year old in front of the tv in another room before bed for several reasons (screen time in general, especially alone, and especially before bed. Plus just being by herself).

I personally think that in the real world all is fine .
Am just interested to know why you posted ? Why would you start a post almost hoping that you will be criticised…seems a bit odd to me .

Yes op I do this with my almost 4 year old. He is in en suite shower, I sit on the bed. I can see and hear him. In fact he talks to me the entire time about his cars and foam. The 2 year old probably needs supervision but it depends on the child.

I don’t doubt that your children are loved and well cared for. I do think the small risks would be lower if you supervised closer in the shower etc, it’s not something I would do. But to be clear I don’t think you are an awful mother. Nothing wrong with properly considering the risks and options but that’s partially what you started the thread for I’m guessing.

@EleanorReally she couldn’t, she can’t reach the shower controls and she isn’t left alone.

I think I do say in the first post ‘I can see her and hear her.’ There’s no discernible difference in sitting in the bathroom itself and sitting just outside of it with the door open.

I do help her to wash herself and her hair on hair wash nights; I wouldn’t expect her to do that independently, but especially in this hot weather she likes spending a bit of time in the cool water which is totally understandable.

A lot of maternal guilt is completely unjustified. Lots of people feel guilty for not liking playing with their kids when we are adults and therefore no longer good at playing and don't enjoy it. Just because she feels bad about it, doesn't mean it's actually mean.
Parenting small kids is tiring and repetitive. It's ok to not love every single second of it and to want to take a break sometimes. And it's perfectly ok for children to not be glued to their mother's side 24/7

Most people I know with children this age are similar, as in they are there, can see the child and hear the child but not necessarily needing to be sat on the toilet hovering in the same way you do with babies / toddlers.

I really can't. Most people can't, even if standing literally at the bedroom door, which wouldn't make much sense anyway.

Being in front of the en-suite instead of IN the en-suite doesn't sound too bad, it wouldn't make much difference if you were in a bigger bathroom sitting down at the opposite end.

but that's not the time I would leave my 2 yo in another room downstairs.

If you have to rush to one, you leave the other one alone, and they're way too young.

It's basically fine until something happens. They are too young.

She could slip in the shower Im 64 and I did.

she can’t reach the shower controls and she isn’t left alone.

she will when you need to rush to the 2 year old, that's your problem and why I think it's wrong.

I wouldn't be able to relax knowing my 4 year old was in the shower alone. If your watching her from the bedroom then might as well be in the same room watching her?

I don't think it would be unreasonable to leave them both watching the tv for 20 minutes though if you need to do stuff.

Although probably best to have your me time once they have gone to bed.

What about your 1 year old though, why are you not with her? It’s dangerous to leave her on her own at that age for 20 minutes.

My mother used to practice what she called "benign neglect". I think it can work with kids who are very good at finding things to explore and interact with in a non-dangerous way. Some kids need more prompts though, a project to get on with or similar.

OP - if you’re there to help your daughter with her hair etc on hair wash days, then on the other days when she’s just showering, you turn on the controls for her, and then surely she’s almost finished by the time you get yourself comfortable for your rest? It hardly seems worth leaving the bathroom!

Age 4 is far too young to be in a shower alone - and by alone , that’s without an adult physically in the bathroom.

2 yo “popped”’in a separate room on CBeebies every evening just because you want some space isn’t good either. Can’t you be bathing and reading to the 2 yo during this time?

Then you can get them to bed, then do your 4 yos story and bedtime, then have your alone time.

I don't see what everyone's issue is, you can see and hear them and would be in the room in seconds should they need you. My 5yo DD showers by herself and has done for a while now, quite often I'll be in my room sorting washing while she's in the shower and 2yo DD is happily playing in their bedroom. Independent play is important and so is having a moment to yourself, don't feel bad about it op!