To be in a different room to my kids

[Pinksundress]

Kids are four and a half and (nearly) two

by 6 I’ve had enough of them (I know!)

Four year old goes in the shower. I can see and hear her. She likes playing in there.

Two year old I pop in the spare room and watches CBeebies on the TV in there. And I sit in my room.

I feel a bit mean sometimes like I should be interacting with them but … Anyway I guess I’m wondering if I’m BU?

OP for what it's worth, what you are doing is fine. It's absolutely fine to feel worn out and want to catch a breath. You can see and hear your 4 year old and the 2 year old is safely contained in the spare room.

Honestly MN is batshit sometimes, it is in no way neglect. Some MN'ers are so risk averse I don't know how some of them leave the house.

I can't understand why you just dont shower them together?

I didn't explicitly ask because I assumed it was a given, but DD tried to catch her sister. It's a reflex, isn't it, to try to catch someone if you see them falling? Sadly, it's rarely a successful reflex.

How often has your child tripped right in front of you while walking/running/playing, and you've gone to catch them, but they've ended up face-first on the ground anyway?

The toddler is 1. People aren’t all saying that’s neglect, but OP asked for opinions, giving them is not batshit.

This^

When they were that small if right next to be it’d be quite rare for them to actually face plant! They are tiny and easy to catch! Catching my adult sister wouldn’t have been as successful I’m sure.

I think it's fine to need a bit of me-time and not at all mean. I also don't think it's dangerous to put a 4 yo in the shower, especially if the door's open and she's visible.
However it seems like you're struggling a bit OP. What's the background here? Do you have support from their father or are you a single parent? Can you access any childcare at all? Family, friends, nursery?
Kids need social input from a variety of different sources, it's not great for them or for you just to be alone with you the entire time.

Fall over and drown. I've seen it as a Dr (their body blocked the plug hole)

@Destiny123 but as she’s watching the 4 yr old on the shower she would immediately rush over if she slipped and fell.

OP has said she can see and hear the child, even in the post you have quoted. I'm fairly certain she'd act if she noticed her child slowly drowning whilst passed out on top of the drain.

That doesn't seem right to me.
DCs had baths together at that age and DH or I would supervise. Usually one would do bedtime and the other would cook our dinner.
Witching time was from 5pm onwards and I'd stick on Cbeebies for a bit but I would be in the same room. They'd have dinner, bath, bed with stories and lights out by 7pm. Then it was time to relax...

I’m really surprised at how many people consider sitting on your bed with the en-suite shower visible in front of you is “leaving a 4 year old alone”.

When my 5 year old is in the bath, I often sit in the doorway of the bathroom, simply because the landing has carpet so it’s comfier. She’s right in front of me. I’d never describe that as “leaving her alone in the bath”.

Thanks. I do appreciate replies.

I honestly wouldn’t leave the four year old if there was anything remotely dangerous.

They aren’t alone with me all of the time; the older one attends preschool three days a week and we attend a range of activities.

I was expecting to get a harder time over the little one to be honest; it’s her I feel bad about as I feel like sitting on a bed on her own is a bit mean!

Yes it’s similar here only I’m sat on the bed as that’s right opposite the en suite. I do think some think she’s in a totally different room though.

Oh don't be ridiculous.
OP can see the child and the statistical likelihood of this actually happening is miniscule. Meteorites occasionally fall out of the sky and brain people, that doesn't mean we all need to wear helmets 24 hours a day.
The psychological effects of having a terminally anxious parent hovering constantly over you are likely much more pernicious than sometimes letting small children have a bit of autonomy.

And did that happen while the parent sat a few feet away watching? Because if not, it’s not particularly relevant since OP is watching her child. She’s not going to not notice her lying unconscious in the shower.

I'm also surprised at the number of posters insisting the almost 2-year-old is actually 1. There is a huge difference, developmentally, between 12 months old and 23 months old. It's almost twice the age and certainly more than twice the cognitive and motor abilities.

Leaving a 22/23 month old for short periods in a safe environment like their bedroom is fine.

Well if you think it’s mean, why are you doing it?

How on earth is that going to happen with OP watching her?

‘Almost 2’ is in fact 1. Bizarre to suggest the number below 2 is not 1. Huge difference between 24 months and 32 months developmentally too. Your comment on this is just a little silly though.

Your 4 year old is too little to be on her own in the shower in my opinion. It's slippy and easy for an accident to happen. My son slipped in the bath when he stood up at similar age and fell backwards, I caught him before he smacked his head because I was right there. 2 year olds are devils for putting everything in their mouth or exploring at this age and so more likely an accident or choking could happen unsupervised.

Totally understand the overwhelm and sympathise but in this situation I'd bathe or shower them together and wait until they are in bed for me time. I know it's really tough and exhausting. If you have no support to get a bit of a break is nursery and option at least for older one?

I’m surprised nobody has mentioned yet that OP can’t be watching the kids that closely while she’s on MN.

So tell us about the difference between 23.5 months and 24.1 months. Yet the second one is undoubtedly two years old, not one.

Actually, in maths, almost 2 would be 2, not 1. You round to the nearest whole number. So, not only is insisting the child is half their age hyperbole at its finest, it is also factually incorrect.