To be in a different room to my kids

[Pinksundress]

Kids are four and a half and (nearly) two

by 6 I’ve had enough of them (I know!)

Four year old goes in the shower. I can see and hear her. She likes playing in there.

Two year old I pop in the spare room and watches CBeebies on the TV in there. And I sit in my room.

I feel a bit mean sometimes like I should be interacting with them but … Anyway I guess I’m wondering if I’m BU?

What time do they go to bed @Pinksundress? Do you have a partner to help out?

I get needing a break - I solo parent 50% of the time as DS works at sea for long periods of time. But can you really not push yourself just a little bit longer and then have your free time while they sleep?

People are bizarre on here - advocating for 70s style childhoods where kids roamed all day and surprised schools won’t let a nine year old walk home alone but horrified by a four year old showering by herself.

I’d happily let my four year old shower in my en-suite while I watched them from the bedroom. Unless I literally showered with them I couldn’t stop them slipping anyway. Four year olds don’t drown in a shower in the time it takes an adult to move ten feet and intervene.

Where's your partner in all this? Why are you doing it by yourself?

I think it's sad that you want your 2 year old to sit quietly and stare at a screen instead of interacting with you. Is this every night?

But what difference does it make in terms of the possibility of slipping and falling if OP is in the room or not?

I'm surprised at these replies.

I think it's a bit mean to leave the 2 year old on their own rather than a 4 year old having a wash.

I've just stopped being around when ds 10 has a shower!! Great opportunity to blitz the bathroom and have a catch up with ds!! Very sad you don't seem to want to engage with basically 2 toddlers....

It takes a tiny amount of water to drown. A child playing in the shower is high chance of slipping and falling.

Most people are of the view that risk simply isn’t worth taking for a few minutes peace and quiet!

Lol have you ever heard of single parenting? Not sure whether OP is a single parent but lots of people are so that’s a rude and presumptuous question.

I'm posting to give you moral support. It's hard parenting two young children. I have ds3 and dd8, I will hide from them at times. I don't think your daughter can drown whilst standing up in a shower so I shouldn't worry too much about that. I don't know if you have any help at home? doesn't sound like it. Nor do I for 5 out 7 days, its not a crime to need 5 minutes xx

She's already standing up. She could slip and smash her face just as easily with OP in the same room with her.

Clearly if you are in arms reach of your child interacting with them you have more chance of catching them before their head smashes into the basin if they slip. Might see if if they drop a big lump of shower gel and then go to stand on it etc. if there was a need then it would make more sense but OP implying their is no risk and it’s not possible to be in the room with both kids is a bit disingenuous really. She just doesn’t want to be and isn’t fussed about the minor risks. It’s not like it’s a massive deal but OP literally started a thread asking for opinions so here we are.

As you are posting, there is enough doubt in your gut to give you pause.

My suggestion would be to use any one of the scenarios suggested here; where there is a chance of an accident. If any were to happen, how much would you beat yourself up with ‘if only I had…’.
Think of it too in terms of say explaining an accident to the other parent…what would their reaction be?

I was once told if your behaviour or action was to be printed on the front page of a newspaper, would you be ok with the whole world knowing, or would you cringe with shame? That should tell you what your gut thinks of what you are currently doing

There isn't a shower in the family bathroom.

The child wouldn’t melt if she bathed. And OP could bring 2 year old into the bedroom with her. It is 100% possible for the OP to be in a room with both kids, she doesn’t want to.

You are doing absolutely nothing wrong with either child.

PP must be so risk adverse they shower with their children or never leave one unattended while they go the loo or make a drink.

OP is effectively in the same room already, it's just there is the en suite partitioning there also. She is watching her child so can see if the shower gel accident happens. Realistically, if she were sitting on the loo in a bigger room, she still isn't going to get to her in time to stop her falling if she slips unless the loo is right next to the shower opening, which would be unusual in most bathrooms. Much more effective to have non-slip flooring there in the first place, which it appears is what she has.

You can’t leave the nearly two year old on her own in a room whilst you sit in your bed and relax. She’s not even 2, she’s 1. She could easily choke on something and you’d never know until too late. A 1 year old also shouldn’t really watch tv for an hour, thats way to much screen time at that age. Have her in the bedroom with you whilst your 4 year old showers.

Well unknock it on the head in that case because what you're doing now isn't ok.

Oh, I missed the bit where the OP said her DD stands up.

She should at least tell her to play sitting down.

And the 1 year old?

DD1 was in the toilet when DD2 fainted in the shower and cracked her head on
the sink. DD1 being within arms reach of DD2 made fuck all difference to the outcome. DD2 still ended up with stitches. They were 17 and 19 at the time.

If OP can see and hear the child, assuming she has regular human reflexes and is not Wonder Woman, then her child is in the same amount of danger from slips and falls as she would be if OP were in the same room.

Obviously there is a difference between 2 teenagers happening to be in the room at the same time, and a mum supervising a 4 year old in the shower. Much easier for an adult to catch a small child they are supervising for one thing.

My shower is in my ensuite. I can see it from my bed when the door is open. It's not really that unbelievable.

You never leave a young child near water unattended.

Leaving the 2 year old unattended is not great, but sitting in your bedroom with a 4 year old in an ensuite shower is totally, completely fine.

I have the same setup and used to sit on the bed while the kids had a shower. Nobody can drown in a shower cubicle as there won't be a plug, and if they do slip then it's like 3 steps anyway through the open door. The fact that it's "another room" is completely irrelevant if you can see, hear and attend to them.