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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
Blondiney · 21/05/2025 10:49

Cut down on the coffee, it may help you relax and also improve your appetite.

snowmichael · 21/05/2025 10:50

> we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.
Did he ever mention that holidays were his time to just relax, rest, sleep, recharge etc.?

Todayisaday · 21/05/2025 10:52

Its incompatibility. He is perfectly within his rights as a human to spend a holiday doing nothing and chilling, you are in your rights to want to get out and about and see and do things.
Nothing is wrong about either approach, but as a life partner you want someone who enjoys life in the same way you do.
Some peoples idea of a good holiday is sitting by the bar all day, some its sightseeing and hiking, some its chilling in the room and food, one persons dream holiday can be someones elses idea of a hell holiday.
Are you compatible in any other way? Are holidays a big part of your life?

rebmacesrevda · 21/05/2025 10:52

Of all the food in Verona... McDonalds?!
I'm surprised it's taken you a year to see what he's like. Have you not been on dates/ day trips/ gone out for dinner together at home?

SwingTheMonkey · 21/05/2025 10:53

DidILeaveTheGasOn · 21/05/2025 10:37

I don't think it's being 'obsessed with food' to want to exist on more than a cereal bar on holiday. Blimey.

Totally agree with this. Imagine going to Italy and only eating once a day! As much of a waste as laying in bed all day.

SwingTheMonkey · 21/05/2025 10:54

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 10:44

Well no, I’m happy to eat lunch if the other person wants lunch but if I’m on my own I don’t bother as I don’t get hungry. I would have been happy to go out for lunch but he couldn’t even be arsed to do that - he’d get up at lunch time, start whinging about food but “couldn’t be arsed” with a sit down lunch - just wanted take-away type stuff like a McDonald’s or subway - obviously these places don’t tend to exist in Garda. He got his McDonald’s fix in Verona though 🙄

You’re answering your own question here aren’t you - this guy is not for you.

MyCyanReader · 21/05/2025 10:54

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 10:44

Well no, I’m happy to eat lunch if the other person wants lunch but if I’m on my own I don’t bother as I don’t get hungry. I would have been happy to go out for lunch but he couldn’t even be arsed to do that - he’d get up at lunch time, start whinging about food but “couldn’t be arsed” with a sit down lunch - just wanted take-away type stuff like a McDonald’s or subway - obviously these places don’t tend to exist in Garda. He got his McDonald’s fix in Verona though 🙄

You went to Italy and he opted for McDonalds?!?!?!

This guy sounds awful!! I'm not surprised you got the ick!

CharityShopMensGlasses · 21/05/2025 10:55

I think he is ill
But I still think you should get rid, be sounds awful...that he couldn't make the effort for you to enjoy yours first holiday together is not a good sign.

Frauhubert · 21/05/2025 10:55

I bet he referred to his McDonald’s in Verona as ‘cheeky’ 🤌

Pluvia · 21/05/2025 10:56

Get rid. OP. For me, the basic requirement of any holiday companion is that they have some curiosity and an interest in exploring the place — the history, the landscape, the food, the culture. Why waste money on going to Lake Garda if all he wants is to eat and sleep. He sounds boring as hell, as well as appallingly bad-mannered. Choose better next time.

SuperTrooper14 · 21/05/2025 10:56

Agix · 21/05/2025 09:17

That's not laziness. It's a difference on energy levels and different ideas about what relaxing is.

You would sound really hard work to a lot of people who also like staying in, sleeping late, and lounging on their holiday.

I'm an early riser too, and I can't just sit around waiting/nothing to really do. But it's not laziness just because someone is different to me, and it's not fair for me to drag them about on their holiday.

My father is on the other end of the scale, and is all go go go on holiday... Does. Not. Stop. And has to drag everyone with him. It's hell, even if I am more on that side of things... He's extreme. He thinks like you, that everyone has to match his energy levels and enthusiasm else they are "wrong". Don't go on holiday with him anymore. It's an unpleasant experience.

You probably gave each other the ick on that holiday.

This. ^

He's not lazy, you are holiday incompatible. His idea of how to relax on holiday is very different to yours and he probably thinks you've been a nightmare too. Unless you accept that you want different things from a break and adapt accordingly, you'll always get wound up by it – especially with kids in tow – so it's probably best to end it now.

TheBigFactHunt · 21/05/2025 10:56

Prioritising McDs would be enough to make me run a mile.
I'll bet he usually wears tight trousers and no socks too.
You've lasted a year with this dullard man-child. Get yourself a real man.

treesandsun · 21/05/2025 10:57

There are zero point going away if that's the type of holiday that he wanted. He could have just taken annual leave and done that in his own place. H I'm not a jam as much as yu can into a holiday type of person r fill every minute of the day but theres a happy medium between that and doing absolutely fuck all and lying on the bed with your phone.

SuperTrooper14 · 21/05/2025 10:57

To add, having a McDonald's in Verona is rank. Have a bloody pizza mate!

Ihmppmmwtbwote · 21/05/2025 10:57

You obviously aren't compatible at all, but you seem so polar opposite I'm really surprised you haven't noticed your differences over the past year.

If he's that lazy and not just wanting a holiday relax and to enjoy sampling the delicious local food, then his whole personality would be of a lazy person, and I can't believe you haven't picked up on this before.

Blondiney · 21/05/2025 10:58

Frauhubert · 21/05/2025 10:55

I bet he referred to his McDonald’s in Verona as ‘cheeky’ 🤌

Now I’ve got ‘the ick’. 🤢

honeylulu · 21/05/2025 10:58

As per earlier comment, I'm on your side but not eating until the evening is definitely a bit extreme! I don't usually eat breakfast at home (sedentary job) but I do on holiday, its a nice opportunity to plan the day, check the guidebook etc. Might skip lunch ourselves (the adults) if it's going to be a lazy day but still have to factor in a lunch stop for the kids or they would go ballistic otherwise.

And if it was going to be an active day - lots of walking, hiking or cycling - I would definitely need breakfast and lunch.

I still think your boyfriend is a lazy moaning arse but you do seem rather ... excessive yourself, in the other direction. Whatever you're charging your batteries with, I need some of that!

Roxietrees · 21/05/2025 10:59

I call this the holiday test. In the past I’ve never fully trusted a relationship until I’ve been on holiday with them. If they fail the holiday test they’re in the bin - going on holiday with someone really shows their true colours. However I’d usually perform this holiday test after about 3 months with a weekend break or something. After a year you really haven’t noticed any of this behaviour before?? Generally I think once you have the ick it’s very difficult to go back, however I do know of a married couple who are just terrible holiday companions and drive each other absolutely mad, but when not on holiday they live together perfectly happily. So they have just decided to stop going on holiday together. Wouldn’t work for me but seems to work for them

EnjoyingTheArmoire · 21/05/2025 11:00

He wanted to eat Subway or McDonalds in Lake Garda?

Is he a teenager?

Ladamesansmerci · 21/05/2025 11:00

If you want a holiday where you're going to sit around all day, book an all inclusive in Spain.

Lake Ghada is expensive. It's also stunning. Not getting up until gone 11am somewhere like that is ridiculous. It's hardly somewhere brimming with nightlife either, so it's not like you can stay up and make up for it.

If OP was expecting her partner up at 6am and ready to go she'd be unreasonable, but wanting to leave somewhere by 10am is perfectly normal.

bookmarket · 21/05/2025 11:01

You are not compatible. Often a holiday is a good way of finding this out. Even if he has a very tiring job and likes to lie in and do nothing on holiday - his eating McDonalds in Verona would be the end for me🙄

ruethewhirl · 21/05/2025 11:01

AntiHop · 21/05/2025 09:47

Genuinely, I wonder if he has an undiagnosed health condition. That level of exhaustion is not normal without an explanation like illness or small children.

This is what I'm wondering too, this feels like more than laziness. I have chronic fatigue and sometimes on holiday I feel like I just need to veg, having said that I do make an effort and get myself in gear otherwise it's not fair on whoever I'm with. If I need time to veg I just say so, I don't keep people hanging around waiting for me. It's reasonable to want some unstructured downtime on holiday, but if he really just wanted to lie around all day he could have just booked some time off work and lain around at home.

That said, I don't think still being asleep at 8 a.m. on holiday is such a heinous crime either, 'up with the lark' isn't how everyone wants to do things while they're on holiday. Personally with my energy levels that would feel more like boot camp and I'd return more tired than before I went away. This thread just illustrates why going away with other people can be such a minefield.

NeedthatFridayfeeling · 21/05/2025 11:02

Yeah that'd be it for me, too incompatible. I'm with you, i'd be wanting to get and explore on a trip like that.

AdoraBell · 21/05/2025 11:02

YANBU.

nonmerci99 · 21/05/2025 11:02

Straight in the bin.