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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
may2025 · 21/05/2025 10:36

I don’t think I would enjoy a holiday with someone who only wanted a cereal bar until dinner

GoldieFish · 21/05/2025 10:36

healthybychristmas · 21/05/2025 10:34

Sounds like he should have gone on an AI holiday where there was nothing to do except sunbathe.

Exactly. And if the OP had then said, 'No, that's not my type of holiday -- I like museums and hiking and sightseeing', then they would have recognised their fundamental incompatibility before they actually found themselves away together.

Charlottejbt · 21/05/2025 10:36

This is making me want to go to Lake Garda! (Not with that guy, obviously.) YANBU.

Jujujudo · 21/05/2025 10:36

Not unreasonable at all. He’s a lazy inconsiderate twat. Get rid. It’s only going to downhill from here. You deserve better!

DidILeaveTheGasOn · 21/05/2025 10:37

I don't think it's being 'obsessed with food' to want to exist on more than a cereal bar on holiday. Blimey.

sweetpickle2 · 21/05/2025 10:37

You're incompatible OP, that's about the size of it.

Also I'd be obsessed with where my next meal was coming for if the person I was dating existing on a cereal bar all day as well.

LimitedBrightSpots · 21/05/2025 10:38

may2025 · 21/05/2025 10:36

I don’t think I would enjoy a holiday with someone who only wanted a cereal bar until dinner

I agree. If holidaying with other people, I think you need to accept building in time for 3 meals a day at the conventional times even if it's not what you'd usually do.

Epli · 21/05/2025 10:38

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 10:31

I don’t eat much until evening. I have a cereal bar in a morning but that’s about it until evening time. This is another way we are incompatible as he’s obsessed with food and eating. It’s all he’s interested in

Did he go out to eat? You were it Italy FFS, one of the best places for food obsessed people!

StrawberrySquash · 21/05/2025 10:38

SwingTheMonkey · 21/05/2025 09:20

Op sounded very reasonable to me. Took herself out for a walk when he didn’t want to go, left him to sleep until 11.30. Again took herself out when he said he just wanted to go to the hotel pool. Are we reading different posts or something?

Agree! By all means have the 'do lots' person head out alone for a bit. But I'd expect some communication and a rough sticking to the plans that we do make. Asking for and leaving the coffees would annoy me as would the constant flakiness and lack of grown up communication.

UnemployedNotRetired · 21/05/2025 10:39

I have one friend who arrives on holiday and sits by the pool all day reading books. Another sees a holiday as an adventure to rough it in little explored areas.

Each is different -- compatibility sounds like an issue though.

Babybirdaugust · 21/05/2025 10:39

Maybe you are incompatible.
Maybe you had different expectations of a holiday.
have a conversation to find out which one

Fruitbat99 · 21/05/2025 10:40

It sounds like you've got totally different ideas to what you want to do on holiday. I dont think he's unreasonable to want a lay in. And I don't think its unreasonable to want dinner at 5pm if you're wanting him to get up at 6am on holiday. Going out exploring on your own does sound sad though. But I've seen loads of posts online recently where 1 half of a couple just want to lounge by the pool and the other half wants to explore. Hmm but it sounds like he wants to spend most of the morning in bed.

Housemouse245 · 21/05/2025 10:41

You both sound very extreme, he would just sleep 24/7 and never see daylight and you get up at sparrowfart o’clock and never eat! I couldn’t holiday with either of you 😅 I think you’re just incompatible.

Flatbellyfella · 21/05/2025 10:42

What a sad excuse for a man….. I am 78 years old, & would have been up at the crack of dawn , out on my bike, going for walks, loving trips to museums etc.
Life is too short to be lumbered with a man like you have there, send him on his way.

ThatCyanCat · 21/05/2025 10:43

He's not wrong to want a different kind of holiday, but he should have communicated that before booking so you could have arranged somewhere suitable. And he's definitely wrong to sit around and complain rather than get on with whatever he wants to do like go to the shop or whatever or refuse to do it until you get back.

Not sure you sound compatible. You can make different types of holiday work together but not if he's going to act like this.

VaddaABeetch · 21/05/2025 10:44

WhereIsMyJumper · 21/05/2025 09:24

YANBU what a lazy, selfish prick.
Take me on holiday next time OP, I reckon we would make great travelling companions 😂

Me too, we’d be up out, have a good walk & explore before breakfast. We’d make a great trio

hangingonfordearlife1 · 21/05/2025 10:44

at least you know he’s not for you. that would infuriate me. i mean im not a morning person by any means but i like to have a plan and get out. hubby very much a morning person so he kicks me into gear

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 10:44

Bumcake · 21/05/2025 10:35

So you’re up at 6am and eat one meal a day? Yikes. I’d not enjoy a holiday with either of you.

Well no, I’m happy to eat lunch if the other person wants lunch but if I’m on my own I don’t bother as I don’t get hungry. I would have been happy to go out for lunch but he couldn’t even be arsed to do that - he’d get up at lunch time, start whinging about food but “couldn’t be arsed” with a sit down lunch - just wanted take-away type stuff like a McDonald’s or subway - obviously these places don’t tend to exist in Garda. He got his McDonald’s fix in Verona though 🙄

OP posts:
MarioLink · 21/05/2025 10:45

You both would have given me the ick. He is sleeping through a beautiful location but you are calling him obsessed with food for wanting normal meals before the the evening. Most people get up before 10am (and an early riser and late sleeper could compromise on 8 or 9am with the early riser walking or getting a coffee first thing) but they also eat three meals a day and enjoy sampling and savouring lots of the local food on holiday. His inability to go to the pool alone is very strange if he's a grown-up.

Gloriia · 21/05/2025 10:45

But you've been together a year surely you had some idea of what a lazy, boring arse he was?

DecayedStrumpet · 21/05/2025 10:46

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOA!
One cereal bar all day?!

Not being interested in Italy's delicious food is not a million miles away from not being interested in the glorious scenery

I'm afraid that wanting to eat three times a day - maybe even with an additional snack! - does not count as being obsessed with food and I think you may have to put up with that in any relationship you're in

wizzler · 21/05/2025 10:47

Throw this one back op

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 10:48

MarioLink · 21/05/2025 10:45

You both would have given me the ick. He is sleeping through a beautiful location but you are calling him obsessed with food for wanting normal meals before the the evening. Most people get up before 10am (and an early riser and late sleeper could compromise on 8 or 9am with the early riser walking or getting a coffee first thing) but they also eat three meals a day and enjoy sampling and savouring lots of the local food on holiday. His inability to go to the pool alone is very strange if he's a grown-up.

Edited

Hard to eat breakfast when you’re snoring away in bed! I would have been happy to go out for breakfast but he wouldn’t get up

OP posts:
DecayedStrumpet · 21/05/2025 10:48

Oh cross posted - ok moaning about McD's would totally give me ick as well, I'm with you there

Gottogetoutofthisplace · 21/05/2025 10:48

It just sounds like you’re not compatible. How hard does he work when he’s not on holiday - maybe he was just knackered?

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