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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 21/05/2025 11:03

I’m amazed you got as far as going on holiday with him. You sound completely incompatible.

rebmacesrevda · 21/05/2025 11:03

I love eating, and would definitely want 3 meals a day, but I also think one meal a day is fine. Lots of people do intermittent fasting and it works for them. OP would've happily gone for lunch, but boyfriend couldn't be bothered to get out of bed (despite being starving). I think the food issue is his fault, not hers!

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 21/05/2025 11:03

Yeah I'm really not surprised you got the ick. I would too.

amybabysa · 21/05/2025 11:04

Is he feeling ok? As in he’s not ill, or on meds that can make him really tired

I’d be concerned he was unwell being so lethargic especially if it’s OOC

BigDahliaFan · 21/05/2025 11:04

Your other half sounds really dull to go on holiday with.

Katbum · 21/05/2025 11:05

Hmm. I am someone who likes to lie in and relax on holiday. However, going away with someone means compromising. I went to Venice a few years back with a friend who is similar to you, the agreement was we start the day at 9.30/10, she would get up at 6am go for breakfast chill etc and then we'd head out to an activity or sightseeing at 10ish, lunch, maybe an afternoon chill then dinner/drinks. I generally like to take it really easy on holiday, and if he has been working it is probably fair enough he doesn't want to rise at 6am. Still, lunchtime is wasting the day. But I also think if you are this incompatible with your OH it isn't going to work.

Patricia1704 · 21/05/2025 11:06

Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 21/05/2025 11:03

I’m amazed you got as far as going on holiday with him. You sound completely incompatible.

Tend to agree, sorry OP!

MagpiePi · 21/05/2025 11:06

In the OP you say you discussed expectations for the holiday. What did you actually discuss, and did you agree on anything?

It sounds like you have never spent even a weekend away together, or even a weekend at home together. Surely he knows that you like to get up really early and don't eat during the day, and you know that he wants to lie in bed and eat Mcdonalds?

gillefc82 · 21/05/2025 11:07

Not sure if you’ve answered this already but how long was the holiday? 7 days or more, I can understand a mix of “tourist” days alongside some of just relaxing at the hotel/pool etc. For a short break, surely you’re wanting to make the most of the days you have so I also wouldn’t be happy with the 11am wake ups. After all nothing stopping him having a siesta in the late afternoon / early evening.

Although, as someone who loves the experience of trying local food when away, I’m with him on the meals.

I think at less than a year into the relationship, I’d take it as a good thing that you’ve been able to get a relatively early insight into the lack of compatibility and be able to make a graceful exit.

MumWifeOther · 21/05/2025 11:09

Take this as your sign to end things now. Who wants a life like this? He sounds like a loser.

MarioLink · 21/05/2025 11:11

Your update has made me have more of the ick for him: all the wonderful food in Italy and he wants plain, boring, greasy McDonalds like he has at home?! It just does first the location or holiday at all. I think he's confused about what the holiday is. Where does he normally go?

Flutterbees · 21/05/2025 11:13

My DH and I like to go away on holidays and relax. We often spend whole days at the hotel relaxing around the pool, and alternate that with days when we sightsee, but not all day. My SIL goes hard on holidays…everyday is planned before they get on the plane, and they rarely get a moment to stop. That’s why we don’t holiday together. Your partner isn’t lazy, he just holidays differently to you.

Knightonabike · 21/05/2025 11:16

I’d feel like you and you’re probably incompatible.
However , I do understand that for lots of people, after the exhaustion of airports and stuff they typically spend the first day chilling and relaxing , especially if there’s been a lot of loose ends to tie up at work before the trip or similar . My partner for example is self employed and there are always a million things to do at the last minute just to be able to take a break.
I just entertain myself, pop to the shops for supplies or something while he takes time to recuperate. But I love my own company and feel stifled if I don’t get some time alone so it works out ok.

doodahdayy · 21/05/2025 11:17

You’re both different extremes. End it now as it won’t work. Someone up at 6 every morning and fasting until the evening would drive me mad but he’s bloody lazy and boring at the other end of the spectrum.

Lins77 · 21/05/2025 11:19

Weefox · 21/05/2025 10:03

It sounds like he could be unwell or with an underlying health issue.

Not necessarily. My stepfather when I was a kid would lie in bed till 4pm on days off. He didn't have a medical issue or an exhausting job. He was just a lazy arse.

Roxietrees · 21/05/2025 11:19

Having read your updates I just can’t understand how you have not noticed how incompatible you are in the last YEAR!! Do you not see each other much? Or not talk much?

I was thinking about what might make me behave like this - have you considered he is perhaps depressed? Or unhappy in the relationship? Sleeping in very late, not wanting to have a long sit down meal with you, a general lack of interest - if it’s not his personality - sounds like either depression or unhappiness in the relationship. Just to give another possibility if you’ve never seen this behaviour in him prior to the holiday

Wexone · 21/05/2025 11:19

Lord you are not compatable at all. People have differnt ideas of holidays, as well as that people need their holidays to unwind and relax. I have been to lake Garda, went with my husband who cant relax and has to have things planned. However he also needs a rest and has been close to burn out so have had to force him to relax a bit on holidays. We do a combination of planned and relaxing. Get up around 9 and have a nice breakfast then head on to what ever we do, Food is important to both of us, you need to eat plus in countries like Italy the food is unreal ( aswell as the wine) If you are going exploring would you not fill up on a good breakfast to keep you going ? Then a light lunch and plan somewhere nice for dinner ? You haven't said what either of you do? Did you discuss this holiday before you went ?

HorrorFan81 · 21/05/2025 11:19

I do like a bit of down time on holiday but absolutely wouldn't be spending this much time lolling around a hotel room / sleeping in such a beautiful place - he would have driven me mad and I couldnt be with someone like this.
Actually I couldnt be with some someone who eats McDonald's in Italy (wtf)

Have you decided what to do OP?

Rollonsummer2025 · 21/05/2025 11:23

You are so not compatible and never will be. Get rid.

Cherrytree86 · 21/05/2025 11:23

Ick

you are the normal one, he is the abnormal one.

who lies in bed all holiday?!

what a waste

Itsjustgonenoonhalfpastmonsoon · 21/05/2025 11:25

It sounds like a lovely part of Italy was entirely wasted on him. Did he know anything about the area before you went? Maybe he expected it to be a lazy holiday rather than a cultural one.

TeiTetua · 21/05/2025 11:28

YANBU, and I can't see how this relationship is headed in any kind of a good direction.

Communitywebbing · 21/05/2025 11:29

Well now you know how incompatible you are and can end things amicably!

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 11:31

Just want to say my post about the eating seems to have confused people - I do eat! I got ill with Covid years ago and my appetite never returned. I never feel hungry so if I’m on my own I don’t tend to bother unless I feel actual hunger pangs. If I’m with someone I do of course eat 3 meals a day as a social thing.

Breakfast - would loved to have gone out for breakfast by the lake but he was never up so I had a cereal bar.

Lunch time he was just getting up and just wanted to find fast food - so I wouldn’t bother eating myself.

Of course if I’d gone away with a normal person I would have had breakfast by the lake, lunch and dinner in one of the many many lovely restaurants. However he only wanted burgers and chips. So I only ate evening meals where I could get pasta/pizza etc

OP posts:
Renabrook · 21/05/2025 11:32

So what about him before the holiday made this seems a great idea?

DH and I have different energy levels but we have always compromised so we both get a bit of what we want but we agree on the basics

I just swe you as both being different but if it was the other way around the women be called someome who likes to relax on holiday but of course in a man it is called laziness