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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
Morningsleepin · 21/05/2025 17:43

I'm over 70 and have more zest for life

andthat · 21/05/2025 17:45

You’re holiday incompatible.

Either travel alone. Or end things.

Nanny0gg · 21/05/2025 17:53

Agix · 21/05/2025 09:17

That's not laziness. It's a difference on energy levels and different ideas about what relaxing is.

You would sound really hard work to a lot of people who also like staying in, sleeping late, and lounging on their holiday.

I'm an early riser too, and I can't just sit around waiting/nothing to really do. But it's not laziness just because someone is different to me, and it's not fair for me to drag them about on their holiday.

My father is on the other end of the scale, and is all go go go on holiday... Does. Not. Stop. And has to drag everyone with him. It's hell, even if I am more on that side of things... He's extreme. He thinks like you, that everyone has to match his energy levels and enthusiasm else they are "wrong". Don't go on holiday with him anymore. It's an unpleasant experience.

You probably gave each other the ick on that holiday.

But he didn't even want to leave the room?

What the hell was the point?

Moonlightfrog · 21/05/2025 17:54

a holiday is a great insight to what it would like to be living together. Run 😬

polkadotmonstera · 21/05/2025 17:54

You are not compatible, he will be happier with someone who likes holidaying in a resort just sleeping and eating. You would be happier with someone who are more cultivate and likes to experience new cultures.

Nanny0gg · 21/05/2025 17:55

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 11:31

Just want to say my post about the eating seems to have confused people - I do eat! I got ill with Covid years ago and my appetite never returned. I never feel hungry so if I’m on my own I don’t tend to bother unless I feel actual hunger pangs. If I’m with someone I do of course eat 3 meals a day as a social thing.

Breakfast - would loved to have gone out for breakfast by the lake but he was never up so I had a cereal bar.

Lunch time he was just getting up and just wanted to find fast food - so I wouldn’t bother eating myself.

Of course if I’d gone away with a normal person I would have had breakfast by the lake, lunch and dinner in one of the many many lovely restaurants. However he only wanted burgers and chips. So I only ate evening meals where I could get pasta/pizza etc

Have you dumped him yet?

All that money to sit in a room!

spoonbillstretford · 21/05/2025 17:56

Christ, how old is he? Sounds like someone in their dotage.

MixedFeelingsNoFeelings · 21/05/2025 17:58

Well, you're both being unreasonable in your different ways. He's a tired slob and you despise him for it.

So what's the problem? You're incompatible, and both I imagine looking forward to going your separate ways in the near future. Hopefully you'll both be more aware of Theory of Mind before taking a holiday with your next partners.

EdithBond · 21/05/2025 18:11

Haven’t even read your posts yet. But great thread title 😂

Carodebalo · 21/05/2025 18:13

Sounds like you are not a good match, OP. (I wonder, did this come as a surprise? For example, if he wanted McD in Verona, then what does he like to eat at home?) I think life is too short to be with someone you really aren’t compatible with … I would seriously reconsider this relationship.

CoraPirbright · 21/05/2025 18:17

I love a slobby horizontal holiday! However it’s breakfast at about 9.30/10 for a leisurely hour or two then onto a lounger on the beach for reading and swimming for the day. Big supper outside in the warm evening. Not junk food. Bliss.

I also like interesting holidays where you go and see/do stuff. I think you can be both as long as everyone is in the same page!

All the people saying “oh, the poor lamb, he must be ill”, I would be interested to know what illness has the following symptoms: extreme selfishness, sulking like a 3 year old and inability to do stuff by yourself eg go to the pool. What a pathetic man-baby!!

smallstitch · 21/05/2025 18:19

Put him in the bin

AlwaysAnExcuseForEverything · 21/05/2025 18:22

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/05/2025 14:45

You're my mother!

We went away together and I had to explain that I spend my life working, and looking after people. She is retired (from part-time). I only wanted one day lounging around the hotel, reading, napping, lying in a hammock. Yes, I wanted to see the sights. But I also needed to relax, because I never do. I like a mixture.

TBF in Italy, mooching around lovely towns, eating is relaxing. But bus to Verona isn't.

Haha actually I also very much enjoy lounging at the pool or beach with a book (or at least I did pre kids - I have a 2 and 6 year old so no chance of lounging now). I'm also not a morning person and given the choice would not surface much before 8am.

I just have an absolute aversion to being indoors when the weather is nice, so a day spent in a hotel room is abhorrent to me. Don't mind a bit of time reading on the balcony but I'd still feel the need to venture out at some point, at least as far as the pool 😉 I enjoy sightseeing too but I wouldn't be up for hoofing around all day, every day.

OP actually sounds a lot like my parents who are both very fit and active. They get themselves up and out most days on holiday and cover a lot of ground. I feel lazy in comparison and I admire their (and OP's) get up and go)😁

MadKittenWoman · 21/05/2025 18:23

You are at completely opposite ends of the spectrum. I wouldn't want to be on holiday with either of you. Up at 06:00 on your first day???

Nominative · 21/05/2025 18:24

So have you binned him, OP?

Commonsense22 · 21/05/2025 18:25

OP, you sound like my kind of person. Wanting to explore the surroundings and enjoy everything they have to offer.
Your boyfriend has been dumped I hope.

Sgreenpy · 21/05/2025 18:28

You sound holiday incompatible.
Go on holiday alone or with friends.

EdithBond · 21/05/2025 18:28

YA definitely NBU

What’s the point in flying all the way to Italy and paying for an hotel by Lake Garda (by no means cheap), when he could’ve booked a break in an hotel where you live if all he wants to do is sleep, hang out in the room and get a McDonalds?

Waking up at 6am on a romantic holiday is a bit much. But then totally understand some people can’t help waking early and you didn’t wake him or expect him to be up at that time.

How come he’s so lacking in energy? Sounds like he may be malnourished if all he eats is junk food. Have you not noticed his sleeping and eating habits previously if you’ve been dating for a year?

PeapodMcgee · 21/05/2025 18:31

You've dumped him now, surely? He is contemptuous.

spoonbillstretford · 21/05/2025 18:36

But great thread title 😂

Indeed.

Especially as it fits with Mattinata.

🎵 L'Aurora, di bianco vestita... 🎵

🎵 He gave me the ick in Lake Garda...🎵

🤣

JIMER202 · 21/05/2025 18:36

My kids and I are all early risers (typically up, fed and ready to head out by 8-9am, maybe 10am if being lazy on a weekend). My husband works some
nights and so on a weekend likes to sleep in but is ALWAYS up when we have plans and our last trip he was ready by 7.30 each day!
The laying in bed till 5pm would have me fuming! What a ridiculous waste.

ClareBlue · 21/05/2025 18:37

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 10:44

Well no, I’m happy to eat lunch if the other person wants lunch but if I’m on my own I don’t bother as I don’t get hungry. I would have been happy to go out for lunch but he couldn’t even be arsed to do that - he’d get up at lunch time, start whinging about food but “couldn’t be arsed” with a sit down lunch - just wanted take-away type stuff like a McDonald’s or subway - obviously these places don’t tend to exist in Garda. He got his McDonald’s fix in Verona though 🙄

He ate McDonald's in Verona when you were there as a couple. This has left me lost for words. There's a 100 romantic places serving fantastic food in Verona. If you move off the squares it's not even that expensive for one of life's great experiences. Wow.

JIMER202 · 21/05/2025 18:38

MadKittenWoman · 21/05/2025 18:23

You are at completely opposite ends of the spectrum. I wouldn't want to be on holiday with either of you. Up at 06:00 on your first day???

My last holiday we were up at 5am daily due to the time difference and being in a routine of being up that early. One day my kids were up at 4am 😆

Normals · 21/05/2025 18:39

Morningsleepin · 21/05/2025 17:43

I'm over 70 and have more zest for life

Ha, I believe you but your username amused me on this thread.

iliketheradio · 21/05/2025 18:40

Icanttakethisanymore · 21/05/2025 09:19

I actually think quite a lot of people want to do very little on holiday (although I’m not one of them). It’s very much a compatibility issue. It doesn’t sound like it will work.

There’s relaxing on holiday and then there’s sleeping in your hotel room the whole time.