Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
Iceandfire92 · 21/05/2025 16:26

I'm wondering if he was pretending to be asleep to avoid spending time with you OP. It sounds like he lacks assertiveness and is conflict avoidant; pretending to sleep to avoid being herded around doing things he isn't keen on certainly sounds like the easier option.

There seems to be an extreme disparity between energy levels in this case. OP sounds like the more assertive planner out of the two; did he have much say in the holiday planning? Do people who prefer to spend their holiday lounging around a pool usually choose Lake Garda for a holiday or do they choose an all- inclusive in Crete or similar?

Edit: I just saw someone posted he ate Maccy Dz in Verona! Bin immediately and if it isn't rubbish day yet, a trip to the tip is in order!

SamDeanCas · 21/05/2025 16:28

Sounds like you have very mid matched ideas of what you want for a holiday. Why on earth did he agree to lake gada if all he wanted to do was sleep sleep and eat. He might as well just stayed at home.

my DH is an early riser and I like a lie in, so he will go off and do his stuff first thing and then we’ll both head out at 10 ish. I wouldn’t dream of staying in bed and play on my phone all day. What a boring sod.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 21/05/2025 16:29

How old are you and how old is he?

You sound incompatible girl - a man wanting mcdonalds in Italy is insane. Childish.

Does he like to go out at night? Clubbing, that kind of thing? Because that could be fun

It reads to me that he's older than you, and is tired 😫 - I can understand tbh, i wouldn't have the energy to be up at 6am everyday, biking xx

Coffeislife · 21/05/2025 16:31

This is why you holiday together before living together!! Very incompatible.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 21/05/2025 16:31

Do you know what, i haven't read the full thread because mumsnet have taken away the page numbers?!? I thought it was on the first page of the thread 😅

Apologies if I've repeated what's already been said x

butteredhorseradish · 21/05/2025 16:34

You're not compatible.
You wouldn't be compatible with me either because I couldn't be doing with someone who was up at 6 am and only ate a cereal bar all day.
On the other hand I couldn't be doing with him either lying around until midday every day and not bothering to go out and see things on holiday.

I think you should dump him and find someone else who is a better match.

Rhibug · 21/05/2025 16:36

You’re definitely NOT being unreasonable. It’s bizarre to travel to a beautiful place like Lake Garda, to pay for a hotel there but then try to spend the entire time just stagnating in bed, sleeping, wasting coffee and then trying to hunt down greasy fast food places that can be found everywhere at home, rather than trying out the restaurants that serve local fresh food. He may as well have stayed at home and saved the money or stayed in a hotel next to McDonald’s in his local town lol. What a waste of a holiday, money and the opportunity to explore a new place.

Also, your relationship is still in the new and exciting phase, so you’d think he’d be happy to take sunny walks with you in a beautiful setting, whilst having great uninterrupted conversations getting to know you better, a little relax by the pool and some nice dinners that you don’t get to experience at home. I think you deserve better and should probably let him go after this, he sounds really boring and quite selfish too 🤷‍♀️❤️

Cherrysoup · 21/05/2025 16:36

Didn’t want to go for a walk by the lake when you’re staying opposite? I bet the OP does everything at home, too. I’d be so bored, hanging round for hours while he slept.

My family has a rule, try to be out by 9/10, sometimes a bit late due to numerous dc, but I don’t see the point of going somewhere to stay in bed half the day. What a waste of money!

Rhibug · 21/05/2025 16:42

I’m also not sure why people are kind of attacking you for getting up early and not eating much. That’s not really relevant to the topic here, since you aren’t the one spoiling the holiday. You weren’t forcing him out of bed at 6am, nor were you telling him he was only allowed to eat a cereal bar. You sound like you just wanted to enjoy your holiday and this lazy guy spoilt the entire thing. I’d love to know more about how he behaved prior to the holiday. Did he already do stuff like this that would annoy you? Did he have a problem with staying in bed all day at home too, or is he only like this when travelling? Does he have lots of amazing redeeming qualities, aside from this behaviour when on holiday? Lol.

abanemare · 21/05/2025 16:43

Close call. Move on, no rights or wrongs, you're chalk and cheese, that's all. Good you found out now, though

CornishDew · 21/05/2025 16:51

Your holiday has taught you that you’re not compatible. Some on here will be shocked at your idea of a holiday and others will side with you. I personally am similar with my holidays as you are. However you’re best jumping ship now as it just isn’t going to work

Burnout50 · 21/05/2025 17:04

tartancarpetslippers · 21/05/2025 09:23

You would sound really hard work to a lot of people who also like staying in, sleeping late, and lounging on their holiday.

But those people book holidays to lazing-about resorts, and beach locations, not Lake Garda.

Omg so this!!!

Lake garda is amazing, you have get out and about. It doesn't have to be all go, a leisurely wander around the towns, jump on a boat. Sit at a lakeside restaurant enjoying the view, aperol spritz, wine, whatever! You do not just sleep... what a waste. Go to a beach resort and lie by the pool all day every day if thats what suits you but f**k, lake garda is to be enjoyed!

TrainGame · 21/05/2025 17:05

How hard does he work? What does he do on the weekends normally? And how hard do you work? Some people need holidays to catch up on sleep and feeling normal. They need to sleep for a few days and then they regain their energy.

It really depends if this is a holiday to catch up on sleep because he's been working like a dog - or if this is his normal setting.

All the same, not everyone has the same energy levels.

However you sound incompatible. Your eating habits and choices of foods are completely different, as are your energy levels and need for sleep.

I can't see how this would work long term.

Greyhound98 · 21/05/2025 17:08

Sounds awful. He can lie in bed all day at home. What a bore.

Candymac · 21/05/2025 17:16

I'm married to this man and regret it
Leave immediately.. it won't improve

JudgeJ · 21/05/2025 17:17

a lot of people who also like staying in, sleeping late, and lounging on their holiday.

All of which can be done far more cheaply at home, what's the point of paying for flights, hotel, meals ?

Jollyjoy · 21/05/2025 17:21

Someone once told me that before you marry someone, you should travel together, be ill around them and experience them being ill, and if all of those experiences you can rub along smoothly, then all good.

Chloe793 · 21/05/2025 17:22

It sounds like he would be more suited to an AI beach holiday. I don't think that is necessarily lazy but it's not my thing either OP. Your holiday sounds amazing (apart from him).

MissJeanBrodiesmother · 21/05/2025 17:22

God he sounds dreadful. Who travels somewhere beautiful and spends all day in the bloody hotel. Ditch.

BotterMon · 21/05/2025 17:27

Have you dumped him yet?

SwingTheMonkey · 21/05/2025 17:29

JudgeJ · 21/05/2025 17:17

a lot of people who also like staying in, sleeping late, and lounging on their holiday.

All of which can be done far more cheaply at home, what's the point of paying for flights, hotel, meals ?

Absolutely. If you want to catch up on sleep, have a staycation. Ridiculous to fly to somewhere like Italy and lay in bed all day.

Hadmysay · 21/05/2025 17:32

YinYangalang · 21/05/2025 09:38

I can’t sit still on holiday. He would not be somebody I could be with. But, others find me irritating. I am learning to relax more now as I am older but it is hard. I’m okay if I have a pool I can swim in.

Edited

He would not be somebody I could be with.

Why not ? Why can't you do your own thing on holiday and he does his

DilemmaDelilah · 21/05/2025 17:33

You obviously have very different ideas of what a holiday is and expectations of each other - you should really have discussed it before you went!

I like to have time to read and look at views, maybe do a little gentle shopping (I can't walk very far). My DH likes to explore, so he will go out and do that on his own, with his camera, then he comes back and shows me what I have missed. But we both know what the other one wants from our holiday and are happy to let them do it.

MarySueSaidBoo · 21/05/2025 17:35

I get it, OP. DH and I went for a city break to NYC, somewhere I'd wanted to go for years. Spent weeks planning a loose schedule with one place in the morning, somewhere else in the afternoon and evenings free to eat/cinema etc. The reality was that we did a tour of Starbucks, bakeries, diners, followed by searches for toilets. We were there for 5 days and DH was an absolute fucking misery for all of it, moaning about walking, being tired, being hungry/thirsty and just wanting to have a lie in. I vowed on the flight home never to book another. Now we holiday in the UK, I book a cottage and he can sleep in a chair while I walk miles with the dogs - and we're both a lot happier.

TheHerboriste · 21/05/2025 17:41

Littledidsheknow · 21/05/2025 09:16

Bloody hell, what a lazy, selfish dullard.

You need a much better boyfriend/holiday companion.

This x1000.

What a lump. How old is he?

Sounds so incredibly inconsiderate, unenthusiastic and lazy.