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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
localnotail · 21/05/2025 18:44

You sound too bouncy and overly active (up at 6am on a holiday?!) and he sounds old and boring - why is he sleeping so much?!

I think the main issue is you are too different and have different idea of what holiday is about. But I would prefer you to him, can't imagine being with someone who behaves like he is 80 years old (when I assume he isn't). My holiday would be a balance - lies in plus trips out, lazy afternoons plus sight seeing. Good job I travel with my DC only - who are my perfect travel companions!

HerNeighbourTotoro · 21/05/2025 18:44

MarioLink · 21/05/2025 10:45

You both would have given me the ick. He is sleeping through a beautiful location but you are calling him obsessed with food for wanting normal meals before the the evening. Most people get up before 10am (and an early riser and late sleeper could compromise on 8 or 9am with the early riser walking or getting a coffee first thing) but they also eat three meals a day and enjoy sampling and savouring lots of the local food on holiday. His inability to go to the pool alone is very strange if he's a grown-up.

Edited

Are you serious?
OP is not forcing him to not eat, he is too f* lazy to get out of bed, sleeps until noon instead of getting up to actually eat, and probably expects food to be served in bed for him as he is too lazy to actually go and get it himself or maybe suggest to eat something at a reasonable time. He didnt seem to show any initiative. If he knows they leave at 10, he can wake up at 9 and have a quick bite, not wake up at 13:00 and then be pissed off he is hungry.

SmallSoupcon · 21/05/2025 18:45

Going on holiday together is a true test of a relationship. It will either make or break you. At least you've learned you're not the right fit for each other and don't need to waste any more time.

I'm glad you got out and we're able to see something of the area while you were there. Like you, I don't see the point of going away to a fabulous location only to stay in a hotel room and eat the same food you do at home.

Illegally18 · 21/05/2025 18:46

Agix · 21/05/2025 09:17

That's not laziness. It's a difference on energy levels and different ideas about what relaxing is.

You would sound really hard work to a lot of people who also like staying in, sleeping late, and lounging on their holiday.

I'm an early riser too, and I can't just sit around waiting/nothing to really do. But it's not laziness just because someone is different to me, and it's not fair for me to drag them about on their holiday.

My father is on the other end of the scale, and is all go go go on holiday... Does. Not. Stop. And has to drag everyone with him. It's hell, even if I am more on that side of things... He's extreme. He thinks like you, that everyone has to match his energy levels and enthusiasm else they are "wrong". Don't go on holiday with him anymore. It's an unpleasant experience.

You probably gave each other the ick on that holiday.

I agree. It is a difference in energy levels and ideas about what relaxing is. That said, this needs to be before discussed before you go on holiday. For me personally , a holiday is first and foremost relaxing, lounging around and recuperating (maybe a week or so), and then, moving around and doing things.

EdithBond · 21/05/2025 18:46

spoonbillstretford · 21/05/2025 18:36

But great thread title 😂

Indeed.

Especially as it fits with Mattinata.

🎵 L'Aurora, di bianco vestita... 🎵

🎵 He gave me the ick in Lake Garda...🎵

🤣

Haha! Yes, it does work!

No chance of him seeing the dawn. That’s for sure.

HerNeighbourTotoro · 21/05/2025 18:46

localnotail · 21/05/2025 18:44

You sound too bouncy and overly active (up at 6am on a holiday?!) and he sounds old and boring - why is he sleeping so much?!

I think the main issue is you are too different and have different idea of what holiday is about. But I would prefer you to him, can't imagine being with someone who behaves like he is 80 years old (when I assume he isn't). My holiday would be a balance - lies in plus trips out, lazy afternoons plus sight seeing. Good job I travel with my DC only - who are my perfect travel companions!

When we holiday we always get up early and you would not believe how many beautiful sites we saw because all the lazy tourists were still in bed. I hate hitting beautiful spots when they are so overcrowded you need elbowgrease to make your way and see anything.

NewShoesForSpring · 21/05/2025 18:47

Illegally18 · 21/05/2025 18:46

I agree. It is a difference in energy levels and ideas about what relaxing is. That said, this needs to be before discussed before you go on holiday. For me personally , a holiday is first and foremost relaxing, lounging around and recuperating (maybe a week or so), and then, moving around and doing things.

What do you do in the evenings?

TakeMe2Insanity · 21/05/2025 18:47

I’d look at this way, the holiday’s money is well spent. Now you know what he is really like. As long as you move on all is good.

Fruitbat99 · 21/05/2025 18:48

I dont understand how you didn't know he likes a lay in? Surely you've spent a weekend with him?

Mozzarellaballs · 21/05/2025 18:50

Could have just booked a Travel Lodge if he wanted to stay in a hotel all day and be lazy. Does he smoke weed? Sounds like it

EdithBond · 21/05/2025 18:57

ClareBlue · 21/05/2025 18:37

He ate McDonald's in Verona when you were there as a couple. This has left me lost for words. There's a 100 romantic places serving fantastic food in Verona. If you move off the squares it's not even that expensive for one of life's great experiences. Wow.

I agree. IMHO eating McDonalds anywhere is a nasty experience.

But in Italy, it’s sacrilege. There’s wonderful food in the cheapest of places.

BusyMum47 · 21/05/2025 18:59

mixedcereal · 21/05/2025 09:19

You’re incompatible

This. Plain & simple. ⬆️ Ditch him.

menopausalfart · 21/05/2025 19:01

Sounds as if he'd prefer an all-inclusive somewhere. I like to do both. His attitude would really piss me off. I'd probably ask for another room and carry on the holiday by myself.

OVienna · 21/05/2025 19:03

I'm sorry OP but I wouldn't go on holiday with either of you.

I pressed YABU when I saw the little narrative about being up at 6am and the eye roll he was STILL asleep at 8am. On holiday? Not the crime of the century. Wondering why he didn't want to go to the corner shop for some food but enjoy a nice meal?

The bit if Verona would have driven me mad, I agree.

You're just incompatible.

surreygirl1987 · 21/05/2025 19:06

Agix · 21/05/2025 09:17

That's not laziness. It's a difference on energy levels and different ideas about what relaxing is.

You would sound really hard work to a lot of people who also like staying in, sleeping late, and lounging on their holiday.

I'm an early riser too, and I can't just sit around waiting/nothing to really do. But it's not laziness just because someone is different to me, and it's not fair for me to drag them about on their holiday.

My father is on the other end of the scale, and is all go go go on holiday... Does. Not. Stop. And has to drag everyone with him. It's hell, even if I am more on that side of things... He's extreme. He thinks like you, that everyone has to match his energy levels and enthusiasm else they are "wrong". Don't go on holiday with him anymore. It's an unpleasant experience.

You probably gave each other the ick on that holiday.

Yeh I agree with this. I'm more like the OP, so his behaviour would give me the ick... but it's not his fault either. He views holidays as something different to the OP. I went on a holiday with friends like this once. Basically you're just not compatible. Good to know now!

surreygirl1987 · 21/05/2025 19:06

OVienna · 21/05/2025 19:03

I'm sorry OP but I wouldn't go on holiday with either of you.

I pressed YABU when I saw the little narrative about being up at 6am and the eye roll he was STILL asleep at 8am. On holiday? Not the crime of the century. Wondering why he didn't want to go to the corner shop for some food but enjoy a nice meal?

The bit if Verona would have driven me mad, I agree.

You're just incompatible.

Agree with all this.

surreygirl1987 · 21/05/2025 19:09

HerNeighbourTotoro · 21/05/2025 18:46

When we holiday we always get up early and you would not believe how many beautiful sites we saw because all the lazy tourists were still in bed. I hate hitting beautiful spots when they are so overcrowded you need elbowgrease to make your way and see anything.

Hmmm. I find it patronizing to call them 'lazy'. You do you, but no need to judge others for not wanting to also get up early. I say this as someone who has got up at 4am to see sunrises at gorgeous temples in Indonesia by the way.

Actually, if everyone did get up early, you'd not be able to avoid the crowds. So.. I guess you should be glad everyone is different!

SALaw · 21/05/2025 19:10

Do you know what kinds of holidays he’s gone in in the past? Maybe he’s a laze about a pool type person and so Garda and city site seeing isn’t for him. I’d hate a lazing about trip but I’d not be with someone that did.

FKAT · 21/05/2025 19:15

Don't really have much to contribute apart from YANBU OP but I do have to say that "He gave me the ick in Lake Garda" is a great thread title and very much in a Muriel Spark or possibly Victoria Wood vein.

SortYourselfOut · 21/05/2025 19:25

OMG, OP, I could've written this word for word about my ex !

If people haven't ever been in a relationship with someone like this then they have no idea how draining it can be, the constant whingeing about being tired, the napping, sleeping in, always complaining that they're 'starving' - it dirves you mad !

My Ex was a heavy drinker / alcoholic, is there anything like this with your partner ? I definitely think that it caused his issues around his (lack of) energy levels and messed up relationship with food.

SortYourselfOut · 21/05/2025 19:26

FKAT · 21/05/2025 19:15

Don't really have much to contribute apart from YANBU OP but I do have to say that "He gave me the ick in Lake Garda" is a great thread title and very much in a Muriel Spark or possibly Victoria Wood vein.

I thought that too, Victoria Wood or maybe a Morrissey lyric 😆

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 21/05/2025 19:26

Your just incompatible but yes that would give me the ick too.

What's he knackered from anyway?

Titasaducksarse · 21/05/2025 19:32

Borobudur by any chance??...
Sorry this was in reply to PP who said re 4am start for temples in Indonesia

Titasaducksarse · 21/05/2025 19:34

SortYourselfOut · 21/05/2025 19:26

I thought that too, Victoria Wood or maybe a Morrissey lyric 😆

I can hear Manic Street Preachers.

'You, you gaaavve me the iiiiiccccccck'
Sung to 'you stole the sun from my heart ' tune

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 19:35

Ok trying to catch up - if I miss anything please let me know:

“surely you knew what he was like before the holiday?”

We don’t live together but yes, I did see signs of it. On a Saturday he gets up at 10am and goes for a hair cut (every week!). He then comes to my house and admittedly never wants to do much unless it’s pre-planned. On a Sunday he does lie in every week and would 100% stay in bed until 2pm if I let him (I don’t let him as I don’t want him stinking my bedroom out sweating and farting and if he wants to lay in bed all day he can go home and do that. So yes I probably should have seen this coming but we had talked about the holiday so many times …

For example, I suggested it would be nice to have a short stroll on our first evening there as the lake is opposite the hotel. He said “yes definitely, once we’ve had “a bit relax” we can head back out and get our bearings”.

i told him there was a bike hire place next to the hotel, he said that was great as we can cycle to town to town. When we got there he decided the bikes were “too basic”. He used them once and after half hour said he was taking it back as it’s “ancient” and “a death trap”. (I used mine all week, still alive).

HE had suggested the trip to Verona - I was very much looking forward to it and we had planned to go to “Juliette’s balcony”. The amphitheater and the museum. By time we actually got there and he’d had his pizza slice we only had time for the museum. He moaned the whole way around it saying if we wanted to see old stuff we should have gone to Rome. He then tried rushing us out of there as he was “so hungry” and “needed a McDonald’s”.

We had planned to go to mt baldo. It was HIS idea. We got to the top with the cable car and he then decided his hayfever was too bad and he couldn’t breathe etc etc …. Again all he was bothered about was sitting and eating. I went off exploring on my own, got a video of an eagle. I came back to find him sat there sulking saying because there was no WiFi?!

He later decided that Italy is more “backwards” than he thought it would be. I’m going to Florence next year on my own. Now he has a face on about that saying we should go somewhere we’ll both enjoy. I think that’s impossible.

OP posts: