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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
TheShiningCarpet · 21/05/2025 15:25

you know what this is a blessing - now you see you have different values and interests. So, if thats not your thing chuck him back.

CaptainMyCaptain · 21/05/2025 15:30

SwingTheMonkey · 21/05/2025 09:18

Really good way to find out that you are not compatible.

This hits the nail on the head. This is who he is and he won’t change. Get rid.

This. It's not going to work.

jaketeckel · 21/05/2025 15:32

He’s got to go!

ethelredonagoodday · 21/05/2025 15:33

Icanttakethisanymore · 21/05/2025 09:19

I actually think quite a lot of people want to do very little on holiday (although I’m not one of them). It’s very much a compatibility issue. It doesn’t sound like it will work.

Yep agree.

I have done holidays where I want to do sightseeing and touring, and others where I’m happy doing absolutely zilch. Luckily my DH and kids are the same.

I think as many other have said, it’s not necessarily that he’s being unreasonable, but you definitely both sound to have had different plans in mind!

YourSignalFadedIntoAnotherWorld · 21/05/2025 15:34

Littledidsheknow · 21/05/2025 09:16

Bloody hell, what a lazy, selfish dullard.

You need a much better boyfriend/holiday companion.

First couple of answers nailed it as per usual.

Bin.

Almostwelsh · 21/05/2025 15:36

How old is he and what does he do for a living? People criticising him seem to be assuming he's relatively young, but he might not be

I know my father used to spend the first week of every holiday just relaxing and then he would explore in the second week. He was over 50 at this point and worked in a heavy manual job. He needed that first week of relaxation.

BountifulPantry · 21/05/2025 15:37

Defo won’t work as you have very different energy levels and different ideas of what fun looks like.

Neither of you is wrong btw- there is nothing wrong with sleeping, relaxing and chilling at the hotel. That’s some people’s idea of a dream. And I have to say I love stopping and properly relaxing sometimes- my body and brain really need it badly, especially in the 24 hours before my period starts.

I am very surprised that you haven’t noticed this at home. When you wake on a Saturday morning is he not still asleep and then wanting a lazy day? Or is it less obvious because you don’t live together yet?

For now, I would tell him your plans and give him the option to opt in or out. I think that when you get home you just need to end things as simply and effectively as possible.

ClairDeLaLune · 21/05/2025 15:41

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 10:44

Well no, I’m happy to eat lunch if the other person wants lunch but if I’m on my own I don’t bother as I don’t get hungry. I would have been happy to go out for lunch but he couldn’t even be arsed to do that - he’d get up at lunch time, start whinging about food but “couldn’t be arsed” with a sit down lunch - just wanted take-away type stuff like a McDonald’s or subway - obviously these places don’t tend to exist in Garda. He got his McDonald’s fix in Verona though 🙄

Dump him for this alone! What sort of philistine eats McDonalds in Verona??? But I’d dump him for the laziness too, I couldn’t bear it. When I go somewhere I want to make the most of it and see as much as I can. He’s wasting his life. Don’t waste any more of yours on him.

waterproofed · 21/05/2025 15:43

Lake Garda sun shines,
he lies still—won’t lift a toe.
The ick floats ashore.

SunshineIdiot789 · 21/05/2025 15:48

I'd dump him. Lazy and immature. He will only get worse.

Think of all the great places you can't visit because all he does on holiday is sleep.

And can you imagine having kids and having to entertain them while he is sleeping until 11?

VirgosNeedGoals · 21/05/2025 15:49

He sounds a right baby

GinAndJuice99 · 21/05/2025 15:51

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda
It certainly dampened my ardour
Lazed in bed on his phone-a
Had junk food in Verona
Just call me the boyfriend discarder

BagelandEggs · 21/05/2025 15:55

It sounds like you're incompatible! Don't give up what you want to do to accommodate someone who can't be bothered with anything!

StopStartStop · 21/05/2025 15:55

CountryQueen · 21/05/2025 09:14

God can you imagine if you had kids with him? Get rid immediately

That's the thing. Do that.

SpookyMcTaggart · 21/05/2025 15:57

He sounds boring. Wanting a bit of a rest is understandable after a journey, but I can't understand arriving in a beautiful place like Lake Garda and not wanting to explore, at least the immediate area around the hotel. Where is his curiosity?

LittleMG · 21/05/2025 15:58

I think you’re both a bad match. One thing I really do like about being with my husband is we do tend to want to do the same things at the same time and it makes being with him relaxing and enjoyable. I’d say no hard feelings but you’re not meant to be. I’m sure there is someone much better suited to you out there just waiting to be found.

Titasaducksarse · 21/05/2025 16:02

Holidays look different to everyone and whilst I can understand he might want a chill, you had planned Verona. He couldn't get his arse up on time for that.

My partner and I have different energy levels but always discuss each evening the plan for the next day so we know if we need to be up and out a certain time or if it's a leisurely plan etc.

WestwardHo1 · 21/05/2025 16:04

Time to say farewell I think. Or go on separate holidays. I like lazing around and doing the odd bit of sightseeing. DP likes tearing around on a horrible noisy motorbike. Other than short breaks we don't holiday together.

Apart from that, I absolutely love the title of your thread 😁. Currently working on a song called "Oh he gave me the ick in Lake Garda". It would be perfect for Kirsty McColl if only she was still alive.

WestwardHo1 · 21/05/2025 16:05

Or a limerick

Oh he gave me the ick in Lake Garda
He really really should’ve tried harder
Stayed in bed til midday
I was repelled, ran away
That lazy good for nothing in Lake Garda

Isthisit22 · 21/05/2025 16:07

Why on earth are you together? He sounds like a child- sleeping all day, not dating to go anywhere without you, and eating macdonalds in Italy.
surely, you knew he was like this? Why be in a relationship with him?

PinkyFlamingo · 21/05/2025 16:09

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 10:31

I don’t eat much until evening. I have a cereal bar in a morning but that’s about it until evening time. This is another way we are incompatible as he’s obsessed with food and eating. It’s all he’s interested in

I don't think he's obsessed with food and eating at all. It's pretty normal thing to do on holiday having breakfast and lunch. Whereas one cereal bar during the day doesn't sound normal.

Umbilicat · 21/05/2025 16:11

Sorry for not having RTFT and sure this has been asked before but was he like this before you went away? How did you not notice in nearly a year?

Thisisittheapocalypse · 21/05/2025 16:17

I'd be asking the hotel if there was another room I could move to and end the relationship. Seriously.

You're on holiday in a beautiful location with presumably lovely weather. And he has literally spent most of it sleeping or sulking in the hotel room and actively annoyed that you actually want to see and do things? And won't even sit by the pool by himself like a grown up?

Ick, ick, ick

I'd be so done and out the door doing what I want to do for the rest of the holiday when I'm ready to do it. No more making coffees for him, catering to his moods, waiting around for him to be dragged about.

Just no.

mathanxiety · 21/05/2025 16:23

Run for the hills!!!

I'd have strangled him.

Motheroffive999 · 21/05/2025 16:24

Is this an actual adult you took with you ?