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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
beAsensible1 · 21/05/2025 14:27

Crikeyalmighty · 21/05/2025 13:52

By the way the best MaccyDs I’ve ever had ( and I’m not a huge fan) was in Verona- it had a lovely courtyard and different choices to UK - I do agree Italy can be quite hard for ‘snacking’ - especially if like me I’m not keen on pizza slices etc . It’s way more geared up to people eating proper lunches and I’ve yet to have what I call a great hotel breakfast in Italy either - seemed an awful lot of cake and pastries- best hotel breakfasts I’ve had were in Sweden , Denmark and higher end hotels in Germany

breakfasts in italy were not great unless at an aguriturismo and even then only ok. lunch and dinner is where they shine.

too much cake type things for early morning

subliminated · 21/05/2025 14:27

How disappointing. There is no coming back from the ick.

Dont force yourself through this futile relationship. Sounds grim.

Is he a drinker?

There is nothing remotely attractive about this dull, sloth-like, ignorant character.

Gundogday · 21/05/2025 14:28

There’s nothing wrong in having a lazy holiday, but he wasn’t even willing to compromise. For example, the trip to Verona he didn’t get going to midday (and then moaned). Also, what was he expecting prior to the holiday?

ChocolateCinderToffee · 21/05/2025 14:33

I’ve been on holiday with friends like this. After two days, I leave them to it.

AlwaysAnExcuseForEverything · 21/05/2025 14:38

I do not understand anyone spending a whole day in a hotel room on holiday unless they've come down with D&V!(Haha saying that, I had a really dodgy stomach on my honeymoon one day and still dragged myself to a beach lounger in the shade.) What an absolute waste of money and good weather just bumming around on his phone indoors. PP saying his preferences are valid too and you're just incompatible?? This man is a human slug. Yuck yuck yuck! Dump him and find someone fun and outgoing. Bet you won't regret it.

Flyswats · 21/05/2025 14:42

What attracted you to this lackluster bore with limited horizons?
I can't imagine he's exactly a dynamo in bed either,

"oh babe, just climb on top, I'm knackered"

beAsensible1 · 21/05/2025 14:43

DappledThings · 21/05/2025 13:30

So wiped out that you want to spend time and money flying to another country just to stay in bed? Why bother leaving your house at all if you just want to sleep

lie-ins in re great no matter where but lots of other countries have thriving and night time economies so there loads to do till 3 in the morning including a late dinner.

your day doesn't have to start or end at 9

badger2005 · 21/05/2025 14:43

It reads like you're on wife-swap or something, and don't even know this guy. What's your normal life with him like?

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/05/2025 14:45

AlwaysAnExcuseForEverything · 21/05/2025 14:38

I do not understand anyone spending a whole day in a hotel room on holiday unless they've come down with D&V!(Haha saying that, I had a really dodgy stomach on my honeymoon one day and still dragged myself to a beach lounger in the shade.) What an absolute waste of money and good weather just bumming around on his phone indoors. PP saying his preferences are valid too and you're just incompatible?? This man is a human slug. Yuck yuck yuck! Dump him and find someone fun and outgoing. Bet you won't regret it.

You're my mother!

We went away together and I had to explain that I spend my life working, and looking after people. She is retired (from part-time). I only wanted one day lounging around the hotel, reading, napping, lying in a hammock. Yes, I wanted to see the sights. But I also needed to relax, because I never do. I like a mixture.

TBF in Italy, mooching around lovely towns, eating is relaxing. But bus to Verona isn't.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 21/05/2025 14:47

@EyeBogie lake garda has a lovely cafe on the shore too with magnificent views! cant believe he didnt want to go! me and my daughter were driving past and spotted the sign for lake garda so we drove down to have a look and let the dogs out for the loo. the view was brilliant and the coffee was too! we would have loved to have stayed overnight but really had to get back for the tunnel booking.

stayathomer · 21/05/2025 14:51

You’re just different and he just needs to go on holiday on his own! To be honest I’d love a holiday of as much bed time as possible but I would think of whoever was with me too

IchBinPapst · 21/05/2025 14:54

I had a boyfriend like this when I was in my twenties. Thought a holiday should just be a whole week in bed only getting out to shower and eat.

He wasn’t that much different when he wasn’t on holiday though, tbh. It was the excessive showering “yes, sure I’ll do (thing), I’ll just jump in the shower first..” that broke the camel’s back in the end.

I married someone who likes the same kind of holidays as I do. I think its important.

crumblingschools · 21/05/2025 14:55

There is a difference between lounging in bed and lounging round a pool or hammock in the hotel gardens. If you are going to lounge in bed on your phone, do that at home. At least being round the pool is different to being at home

blubbyblub · 21/05/2025 14:55

You’ve been together 11 months. Did you not know he had such a basic palette? It must be obvious at home if he’s the sort to want McDs on holiday in Italy.

I am incredibly lazy but he would make me look like speedy Gonzalez

Flyswats · 21/05/2025 15:02

Did you get a chance to swim in the lake? Or was it not warm enough yet.

WaltzingWaters · 21/05/2025 15:02

Gosh, how boring he sounds. I mean, it’s fine to have a relax too on holiday and not be sightseeing all day. But to stay on his phone in bed all day, he may as well have just taken a day off and stayed at home!
Doesn’t sound as though you’re compatible unfortunately, but it was a good way to see. Throw this one back and find someone more exciting.

SusanLittle76 · 21/05/2025 15:07

If he values you and the relationship he has to ship up or ship out. Be clear to him what you need and expect going forward in this respect. Whatever is going on in his head he has to seek help for as he has lowered your time together to the mundane, The tiredness could be sleep issues or depression. Either way this is not your responsibility you can merely try and influence him if you have the will power.

FairKoala · 21/05/2025 15:11

You mentioned him saying he was saying he was knackered lately

Is he ill?

I like a lie in on holiday but that is at the latest 10am

Tgen I like to go out and sit by the pool, see the sights or look round the shops etc

Sitting in a bedroom on your phone and going to MacDonalds. Why bother going away

What a waste

Charmofgoldfinch · 21/05/2025 15:13

It sounds like your lifestyles are incompatible. It’s not a matter of right/ wrong or lazy/ active - you just have differing ideas of what a holiday should be.

Purpleturtle43 · 21/05/2025 15:16

Oh just no! I couldn't tolerate any of that. Doesn't sound like you are remotely suited to each other.

ANONMOM25 · 21/05/2025 15:17

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TerrifiedPassenger · 21/05/2025 15:20

I'm an early riser and dp is an owl.

On holiday we've come to compromise that if I wake early I'll get the breakfast sorted, read a book, nip to the shops, out for a walk, whatever.

We then do stuff together

Later in the day he'll sort tea, tidy up a bit, read, sit in the sun etc while I have a nap, and we can both enjoy an evening out.

What you have is so different to our easygoing holiday style. Get rid.

CosyCrab · 21/05/2025 15:20

I can’t comment on St Christopher’s the hall, but assuming you’re talking about St.Davids prep, West Wickham and not Purley, I have heard some terrible things about that place and how it’s run, tons of leavers (pupils and staff alike) so do your research and book an open day to go and see.

badger2005 · 21/05/2025 15:21

Does anyone remember that episode of Alan Patridge where he is on the phone to his son, who seems to be spending the day in bed with his girlfriend. Alan Patridge berates him for wasting the day and advises him to get out to an owl sanctuary or Victorian folly?
Seems relevant.

LostInMe · 21/05/2025 15:21

You will become his maid, his guardian, his mother, his reason to moan, the 'person who ruined his life'. Run, run, run. I speak from experience! RUN!!!