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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He gave me the ick in Lake Garda

636 replies

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 09:11

First holiday together, been dating for just under a year. We went to Garda and before hand we’d discussed the way we wanted the holiday to work.

We arrived at hotel at 3pm. He threw himself onto the bed saying “I’m knackered”. (I’ve noticed he says this a lot). I made a coffee, did some unpacking, caught up with my phone and sat on balcony for a bit. At around 5pm I said “you ready to go out?” And he laughed and said “no! We’ve only just got here!” I said “I just mean a walk?” (the lake was literally across the road from hotel). He said “oh no, can’t be arsed with that tonight, I just want food and bed”. It was 5pm!! So I said “ok, well I’m off for a walk”. He was annoyed that I was going out anyway and started sulking. I went for a walk by myself, returned at 6:30ish. He was irritable and asked where I’d been as he was starving. I said “there’s a shop just down the road.” He said “I’m on holiday, I don’t want to be doing shopping!” 🙄 we went to hotel restaurant.

Next day I woke up at 6am (always an early riser, can’t help it). I made a coffee then went out for a walk. Came back at 8amish. He’s still asleep. I got a shower, made another coffee. 10amish I woke him up and asked if he wanted a coffee. He said he did. I made him one - he fell back asleep and let it go cold. 11am - woke him to again, he asked for another coffee. I made him one - he fell asleep again. I woke him back up at 11:30 and said I wanted to head out, asked if he was coming. He asked for another coffee - I said he could make himself one as I’d made him two already that had been wasted.,he started whinging so I said “it’s almost lunch time, I’m bored and I’m going out, are you coming?” He said he just wanted to relax around the hotel today 🙄 he said he wanted to use the pool. Fine. I went out and hired a bike, spent all afternoon visiting the little towns. Got back at 5pm - he’s still in bed playing on his phone. I said “did you use the pool?” So he said “on my own? No! I was waiting for you to come back!”.

So - after this day I thought maybe a discussing was needed about tomorrow’s plans. Idea was we would get a bus to Verona. He said he was still happy to do this. Next day arrived - same scenario. Numerous cups of coffee gone cold, me sat around bored, getting on for lunch time he’s still asleep. I snapped in the end and said “are you actually going to do anything on this holiday?? I’m going to Verona at 12pm. Remember we’d said we’d set off at 10am?? Half day wasted already”. He reluctantly got up, saying it’s meant to be a holiday to relax etc etc

We got to Verona at 2pm. As soon as we got there he was nattering about food saying he’d not eaten all day 🙄 he had no interest in seeing any sights, just wanted to sit and eat.

We managed to see the museum and that was it.

The whole holiday was like this. It’s given me the ick. Lazyness. AIBU here??

OP posts:
MyLittleNest · 21/05/2025 13:16

Break up with him. Can you imagine wasting another holiday with him as your companion? Says a lot about him as a person in general.

Gettingbysomehow · 21/05/2025 13:16

God what a massive bore he is. I'm in my 60s with more life in me than that.
I'd dump immediately. I'm not interested in men who want to spend their lives in bed and sulk. You'd think he would make some effort.

user2848502016 · 21/05/2025 13:17

I’m with you but haven’t voted because there are plenty of people who like to go on holiday and do nothing and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just that you’re obviously not that kind of person. It doesn’t sound like you’re compatible tbh, a holiday is a good test of a relationship, time for a serious think if this is right for you

Cherrytree86 · 21/05/2025 13:17

JifNtGif · 21/05/2025 13:12

weird response

@JifNtGif

Not really… a lot of people would find the laying around and wanting McDonald’s on holiday to be a turn off

burnoutbabe · 21/05/2025 13:19

My other half loves his lie ins and taking ages to get ready.
yet first holiday we did Disneyland and he was up at 6.30sm to be ready to park drop. As that’s what I do at theme parks. He even suggested a speedy walk to first ride. That’s a keeper!

Calliopespa · 21/05/2025 13:20

TheAmusedQuail · 21/05/2025 13:02

Some people (probably not this BF to be fair) work 80 hour weeks (I used to, and still work 50-60 hours weekly) and desperately need our holidays as downtime.

Not dull. Exhausted. Judgemental much?

Yeah I think a lot of people who haven’t done those kinds of jobs don’t realise how wiped out that can make you.

CapitalAtRisk · 21/05/2025 13:20

Oh god I would hate that. It would be me on the way to duming him, when we got home.

Augarden · 21/05/2025 13:20

No sense of adventure, no curiosity about being in a different part of the world. Fundamentally incompatible with me, you, and most other interesting people!

Boredlass · 21/05/2025 13:22

You sound too full on. You’d give me the ick

AnnaL94 · 21/05/2025 13:23

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 10:31

I don’t eat much until evening. I have a cereal bar in a morning but that’s about it until evening time. This is another way we are incompatible as he’s obsessed with food and eating. It’s all he’s interested in

I think he was being very unreasonable by just laying in bed all morning until the afternoon

but…

I can’t see many people enjoying a holiday with their partner if there’s no nice breakfast or lunch.

A cereal bar until the evening is a very unhealthy way to live.

OssieShowman · 21/05/2025 13:24

Spending all that money,, travelling so far, and all he wants to do is laze around
I hope you didn’t pay for his trip.
You go and enjoy yourself, maybe dump him at the airport.

wordler · 21/05/2025 13:25

Cherrytree86 · 21/05/2025 13:17

@JifNtGif

Not really… a lot of people would find the laying around and wanting McDonald’s on holiday to be a turn off

But most people would have sussed that out about a romantic partner after a year of dating.

Yes, holidays can be a revelation compared to normal life but surely OP had had a weekend overnight with her BF before now and knows he’s not a 6am riser on days off.

People don’t become completely different personalities on vacation.

CapitalAtRisk · 21/05/2025 13:26

It's not even as though you're on an all-inclusive "lie around the pool" type holiday in some modern resort in Turkey. You're at Lake Guarda!

SwingTheMonkey · 21/05/2025 13:27

AnnaL94 · 21/05/2025 13:23

I think he was being very unreasonable by just laying in bed all morning until the afternoon

but…

I can’t see many people enjoying a holiday with their partner if there’s no nice breakfast or lunch.

A cereal bar until the evening is a very unhealthy way to live.

Why don’t people at least read op’s updates? She does eat and would eat if her partner wanted to go for meals. But he doesn’t, he wants fast food as soon as he gets his lazy arse out of the hotel, mid afternoon.

DappledThings · 21/05/2025 13:30

Calliopespa · 21/05/2025 13:20

Yeah I think a lot of people who haven’t done those kinds of jobs don’t realise how wiped out that can make you.

Edited

So wiped out that you want to spend time and money flying to another country just to stay in bed? Why bother leaving your house at all if you just want to sleep

Poiuytrewqa · 21/05/2025 13:30

Blackcountrychik83 · 21/05/2025 09:16

This would annoy the hell out of me . I am not one of those people who goes on holiday to just sit around the pool never mind sleeping in the room . What’s the point ? You could’ve stayed at home to do that . I would be dumping him at the airport on the return home. You both have different ideas of holidays.

Where do you live that you can sit around the pool all day?!

You obviously have very different ideas of holidays OP. If it’s not for you then end it.

beAsensible1 · 21/05/2025 13:31

Cherrytree86 · 21/05/2025 13:15

@beAsensible1

“italy doesn't lend itself to quick snack in certain parts so maybe he just wanted something familiar.“

but why? Why bother going some place new if you just want familiar??

because maybe for a quick snack on the road he just wanted something he could shovel in rather than taking a risk while he's on the road and not enjoying it.

clearly OP barely wanted him to eat so getting a quick mcds and back was his idea of useful.

Imm not really a fats food person but if im on the road and want to eat something hot why wouldn't i get chips?

It's all so unnecessarily snitty, i go to italy all the bloody time, some food is good some food isn't.
If you are hungry just get what you know. imagine standing in a queue for 20 mins to get a pizza and its rank and you can't even get anything else as your GF manages off 1 snack and meal so is annoyed at waiting any longer and huffing in the corner because you had the audacity to be hungry

Crikeyalmighty · 21/05/2025 13:33

I can understand people paying good money to lie around beaches and pools all day - whether it’s my bag or not - however the staying in bed and ganging round your room all day- nope I can do that at home for free

PorgyandBess · 21/05/2025 13:33

You’re completely incompatible. But surely a year in, you’d have had an inkling about the sort of person he is and what he likes from a holiday?

Calliopespa · 21/05/2025 13:34

DappledThings · 21/05/2025 13:30

So wiped out that you want to spend time and money flying to another country just to stay in bed? Why bother leaving your house at all if you just want to sleep

Well bankers have enough money that the view is probably worth it while they eat their room service on the balcony! And there’s plenty of people to change the sheets, a bar and a restaurant onsite, often a spa as and massage . It’s better than home for most. 🤷🏻‍♀️

coxesorangepippin · 21/05/2025 13:34

It sounds like you are ultimately completely incompatible

I'd be the same as you op, maybe not up quite as early, but definitely out and about exploring

museumum · 21/05/2025 13:34

How on earth have you got through nearly a year of weekends without realising how incompatible you are??

coxesorangepippin · 21/05/2025 13:36

I'd find it very distasteful, someone lying in bed on their phone all day

Ugh

80smonster · 21/05/2025 13:36

EyeBogie · 21/05/2025 10:44

Well no, I’m happy to eat lunch if the other person wants lunch but if I’m on my own I don’t bother as I don’t get hungry. I would have been happy to go out for lunch but he couldn’t even be arsed to do that - he’d get up at lunch time, start whinging about food but “couldn’t be arsed” with a sit down lunch - just wanted take-away type stuff like a McDonald’s or subway - obviously these places don’t tend to exist in Garda. He got his McDonald’s fix in Verona though 🙄

On my watch he would be dumped for eating McDonald’s in Verona. What a peasant.

beAsensible1 · 21/05/2025 13:39

Crikeyalmighty · 21/05/2025 13:33

I can understand people paying good money to lie around beaches and pools all day - whether it’s my bag or not - however the staying in bed and ganging round your room all day- nope I can do that at home for free

this. him not leaving the room without you is the icky behaviour.