Men DO NOT have right of way!

[CalmDownCats]

Has anyone else noticed this?

Since around my mid-40s I've noticed that, in particular older men my age or above, just barge straight towards me and expect me to get out of their way.

Since realising this seemed to actually be a thing, I now just hold my ground and keep going. I sometimes even get silly, smirky looks from them as they go around me, as if they know exactly what they are doing.

It's usually older guys, never really younger ones.

Is this just me or does it happen to others too? Is it something that's always happened to middle aged ladies or just a sign of the times?

I find this is dependent on location, not sex or age. In a certain northern city which prides itself on its friendliness, people just barge into you if you dare to be in their path.

Since getting older I have my shopping trolley. ANYONE coming directly at me ( prams and wheelchairs excepted) will see I am looking at the pavement immediately in front of the trolley and I keep going. The only time no-one moved was when I was in the local precinct and around 5 middle eastern men were laughing and talking, walking straight, side by side and everyone was moving out of their way. I kept a straight line looking at the end of the trolley and got right up to one of them and I just stood there completely still until he moved.
Well, one of us had to and it wasn't going to be me. 😁

Oh yes. Originates with the Charlotte Riley article I think.

I don't really understand this.
I just automatically move out of everyone's way as that is the polite thing to do.

I'm a 66 year old woman.

That's the point. Women are generally brought up to move aside. Men grow up expecting this, and tend not yo move out of the way. If you stop moving out of the way (patriarchy ch8cken) then you realise how much men don't move aside and are surprised when women don't.

So?

To be honest my "lived experience" says this is not unique to men.

I've had women in cars fail to give way to me as a pedestrian on a crossing and women in large cars barge their way past give way signs, wrong side of the road etc.

It's only lack of physical size that makes this less common on pavements etc

So? You've just dismissed my life experience. Every time this ridiculous "patriarchy chicken" thread appears I make a point of testing if there is any truth to it- there isn't.

It's confirmation bias. The vast majority of people are perfectly capable of walking along a pavement making the minor adjustments needed to avoid walking into other people.

How did I dismiss your life experience?

I don't agree that patriarchy chicken" is a real thing- but hey that makes me sexist and misogynistic.

I'm 45, fatter than I was when I was younger and I used to be much better looking back then🤣
Men used to hold doors open for me until I got to a certain age (or size?🤔) and then it's like you become invisible.
I think because they no longer find certain women (like me) as attractive, they just don't give a shit.
However, they'll fall over themselves for a 21 year old blond all eyelashes and beautiful.
It's sad they need that kind of motivation to be chivalrous.
I hold doors open for everyone. Men, women, young, old I just love manners and being polite and kind💖💖

I was never "brought up to move aside"... Who taught you that? And who has taught men to "grow up expecting this"? Surely as 50% of a parenting team (and sadly often 100% of the parenting team!), we should be teaching our children of either sex that everyone is equal. We cannot blame "men" as an homogeneous blob of patriarchal expectation. My lovely husband certainly does not expect women to move out of his way, nor do any of my male friends or two male nephews!

Well said. If anything it's the opposite. I was born in the 80s and was always taught "ladies first". This is still largely what I experience. I can't relate to all the patriarchy chicken chat at all.

I'm mid 40s now but have always experienced this. I'm short, female, have always been taken for younger so I used to wonder if this made me a bit more susceptible to arsehole men in the wild. But I haven't actually polled female friends and acquaintances on the matter so it's just a guess.

I particularly like it when the menz put their hands out in front of them as if about to physically move me out of the way. Bonus points for any tutting and eye-rolling to accompany their frustration at the temerity of a XX unit not immediately scurrying out of the way the instant they appear on the horizon.

Though it probably happens less now with age, since my face has settled into its permanently Resting Murder Face™ expression. <happy sigh>

Honestly, it’s just nonsense!

Everyone tries to avoid walking into people (except, maybe, for a few women playing patriarchy chicken). There have been studies done on this which show that. That’s why you often get that weird bobble dance where both people move the same way to avoid the other. At this point, normally both people stop and smile and it is easily resolved.

And who brings boys up to stride without looking or girls to step aside? Again, it is just a weird assumption backed up by no evidence. If anything, most parents and schools teach boys to be deferential and girls to be feisty.

I think the main culprits for bumping into people are people staring at their phones.

But if you want to look for men to deliberately bump into, I guess it is a hobby, albeit a strange one.

To those who don’t see it, I think it’s much, much clearer if you live in a large city.

If you think about the number of people you need to navigate at a transport hub at rush hour, versus a wander down your average market town street - bearing in mind that the density of the crowd at the hub means 10? 20? 100? more such close encounters every few minutes - the proportions become much clearer, much more quickly.

If I don’t play chicken, my trajectory between two platforms / adjacent bus stops etc. is best described as drunken mosquito evading fly swat. And, frankly, that’s how I’m often made to feel, expected to dodge to one side, & effectively ignore or virtually elbowed out of the way by the sheer size, power & pace of, yes, largely, men.

The "ladies first" rule died out years ago. Now most men treat women the same way as they treat other men (in this regard at least). First one to blink moves over.

Nothing to do with "patriarchy chicken".

As regards the posters struggling to understand the difference between patronising chivalry with its sexist history and good manners acknowledging the superior strength & size of males…

I think the below is useful.

It’s not unreasonably for me to ask male pedestrians to be aware of my proportionate physical vulnerability so I can navigate public spaces in an equitable way.

I’d say that the different between this and chivalry could be best exemplified by another image in which the girl is given her two boxes on which to stand… but those two boxes are also painted pink / draped with Walter Raleigh’s cloak etc.

In other words, if equity is a practical acknowledgment of occasional need, chivalry is a presumption of additional gendered stereotypes that, cumulatively, become more disadvantageous than equitable.

OMG patriarchy chicken… having experienced it many times how I'm I just hearing this phrase now.

in the past I’ve made them acknowledge me and then said ‘you go… age before beauty’ given I’m not massively beautiful but def younger than them it amuses me.

I had this happen recently, a barge from my rear left, then the little t@$$er tried to pass in front of me. I merely kept walking and was very satisfied when my shoe made hard contact with his ankle! A hard stare from me and he slunk off!

I haven't noticed this while walking on a footpath but I have noticed that at nursery dads always seem to try to barge into the nursery behind you at pick up time (we have been clearly told not to let anyone into the nursery behind us). Women never seem to do this ahd often respectfully wait at a distance till the door has closed behind you which it so much less awkward.

For me it's usually groups of young people standing around and chatting who don't make space to let you pass even after you have said excuse me but I try to think it's because they are engrossed in their conversation.

I have noticed recently though young men, even in groups, making way or waiting for you, which i think is really nice maybe because it surprises me. I have a lot of hope for the younger generation.

@Newbutoldfather

That’s why you often get that weird bobble dance where both people move the same way to avoid the other. At this point, normally both people stop and smile and it is easily resolved.

Easily avoided in the first place if people followed the "keep left" rule when walking as they do when driving/cycling on roads. There'd be carnage if roads, shipping lanes, aircraft corridors didn't have specific keep left/right and overtaking rules that everyone knew and followed.

Plenty of men move aside - as witnessed by that polite British 'dance' when you both move the same way!

Had this happen to me often but usually with other women!