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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why does society infantilise women so much?

169 replies

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 20/05/2025 18:50

Just that. Why does society do that?

When discussing age gap relationships, whenever there is an older man in the scenario, comments such as “vulnerable” and “girls” are often used. 21 year old girl or 27 year old girl for example. A girl is a child between the age of 8-13. A woman is a grown adult who is 18 and over. So why use this term? In terms of the word vulnerable, this can mean different things; someone who needs special care or could potentially be exposed to being attacked or harmed, physically or emotionally. Surely all people can be vulnerable not just women? At what age is it okay for a fully grown woman do have a consenting relationship with an older man? Completely understand that there are some men who will use his power to get into a relationship with a younger woman, but not all relationships are like this. And a man could do this to a woman at any age. We don’t view men in the same way. I doubt many people are saying a 27year old man is vulnerable for having a relationship with an older woman. Off topic, but relevant in which women and men are viewed differently. Female teachers who have had relationships with pupils and gone to prison. Lots of comments from men saying they “would love to have had a teacher like that” joking and blaming the boy for not keeping his mouth shut. Whilst you don’t see females making these comments about male teachers.

Women on social media using the phrases girl math, girl dinner, girl hammer, lazy girl jobs and hot girl summer. These can be regarded as harmless fun, a trend not meant to be taking seriously but surely it just highlights how women, not girls are viewed and plays right into the hand of misogyny. It just seems very patronising that we have spent years trying to fight the patriarchy to get us to be taking seriously and the phrases just perpetuate the stereotypes that women are useless children who are can’t look after themselves.

Grown women also say “out with the girls, drinks with the girlies, girls night out” when posting pictures on social media or even in just conversation. Why do we do this? Why is this so normal and accepted. Big girl pants on and big girl job are also phrases used yet I’ve never heard a man say I need to put my big boy pants on are someone else say they need to do that.

At what age do we start treating women like women?

YABU - no, women are not infantilised by society
YANBU - yes, women are infantilised by society.

OP posts:
HuffleMyPuffle · 20/05/2025 21:58

Bubblebubblepoppop · 20/05/2025 21:16

Well, in that case I'd argue Boy Boss looks better on a tshirt than Girl Boss. It's alliterative. Why is Boy Boss not the 'slang of the time'?

Because it's not boys making a statement about being in charge of their own life because they don't have to?

Eagle2025 · 20/05/2025 21:59

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 20/05/2025 21:55

I reckon they views it different biologically. There was a famous case about a 35 (something like that) year old teacher in America who groomed and slept with her 12 year old pupil (rape) she ended up pregnant and went to jail. Had two kids by him and were together like 20 years. She was married at the time and had two kids a few tears younger than him. There’s been numerous documentaries about them but in the last one before she died she said it was you doing all the controlling (or something like this) and he said you were the adult I was only 12. Think he realised much later how much damage was inflicted on him. He was a father at like 13.

Yeah that case is awful.

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 20/05/2025 22:01

andtheworldrollson · 20/05/2025 20:53

But the point ( of the thread ) is that the slang of the time infantilises adult females in a way we don’t adult men

bottom line / women are worth what they can push out so looking young helps

men can be worthwhile in other ways

it’s so endemic in our culture that many can’t see it .. or see why it’s not good for women

Thanks for this. I couldn’t really articulate it but this was a point I was trying to make.

OP posts:
Bubblebubblepoppop · 20/05/2025 22:02

HuffleMyPuffle · 20/05/2025 21:58

Because it's not boys making a statement about being in charge of their own life because they don't have to?

Why should girls have to?

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 20/05/2025 22:06

u3ername · 20/05/2025 21:20

Graham Norton posted a photo of himself on Instagram wearing a tshirt saying ‘Girls just want to have fundamental rights’. Obvs it’s referencing the song but couldn’t help myself commenting that ‘girls’ is infantilising. Also might have mentioned the damage of Trans Activism to women’s rights… 😬 I’ve been on here too long!

I seen this too 😆 you could also say “who runs the world, girls” by Beyoncé. I doubt anyone said anything when that came out 😆 I’m trying tho think of songs that have boys in them, but it’s really hard. Can only think of Venga boys and bad boys for life.

OP posts:
HuffleMyPuffle · 20/05/2025 22:06

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 20/05/2025 21:42

The PP has a good point and I also agree with you in the term girl boss. No man has ever said boy boss. This goes back to misogyny. Also the word manageress. I hate. The term manager does not mean a male. It means someone who manages as their job.

A lot of "female" versions of jobs add caveats like Ess or Ne
Which are now being dropped (like Actor or Comdian being genderless) which is then causing its own issues...

HonoriaBulstrode · 20/05/2025 22:07

Sentencing is already more lenient for people younger than 25 in many jurisdictions including the UK, as what pp said happens to be a proven fact.

And yet people under 25 are allowed to be nurses, teachers, police officers, officers in the armed forces, members of parliament... They're allowed to drive a car, vote, get married, enter into legal contracts... Surely they shouldn't be allowed to do any of those things if they're so immature?

Eagle2025 · 20/05/2025 22:07

Bubblebubblepoppop · 20/05/2025 22:02

Why should girls have to?

We dont have to but some choose to

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 20/05/2025 22:09

noworklifebalance · 20/05/2025 21:38

Yes, this is what I mean about using the term girls when there is a power imbalance

Surely with every job there is going to be power imbalance? This comes from sexism not power.

OP posts:
Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 20/05/2025 22:11

Eagle2025 · 20/05/2025 21:40

Because that's how a lot of women portray themselves or how a lot of women view being a woman. Does my head in.

Do you not think men also think women to be victims?

OP posts:
u3ername · 20/05/2025 22:14

HonoriaBulstrode · 20/05/2025 22:07

Sentencing is already more lenient for people younger than 25 in many jurisdictions including the UK, as what pp said happens to be a proven fact.

And yet people under 25 are allowed to be nurses, teachers, police officers, officers in the armed forces, members of parliament... They're allowed to drive a car, vote, get married, enter into legal contracts... Surely they shouldn't be allowed to do any of those things if they're so immature?

Well, if they mess up their immaturity will be taken into account.

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 20/05/2025 22:17

Eagle2025 · 20/05/2025 21:52

Yes and that's why I'm interested to know what percentage of men who had underage sex with an adult including teachers, are actually traumatised by it and how many dont see it like that. You get the impression it's not such a big deal for them, although someone has recommended a podcast on the issue.

Research it yourself? I think anyone who has underage sex with some much older will always be traumatised, regardless of sex. But they are two different issues. Underage sex with a minor is rape. Sex with an age gap is not.

OP posts:
Eagle2025 · 20/05/2025 22:17

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 20/05/2025 22:11

Do you not think men also think women to be victims?

In terms of a woman who has committed a crime then obviously it depends on the circumstances but if they wouldnt view the man as a victim in the exact same crime I dont think they would see the woman perpetrator of the same crime as a victim. Why would they.

And in life in general they could see us as a victim of a crime or abuse but dont think they view us as victims in general, and rightly so.

merryhouse · 20/05/2025 22:17

Bubblebubblepoppop · 20/05/2025 22:02

Why should girls have to?

Because patriarchy.

Eagle2025 · 20/05/2025 22:19

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 20/05/2025 22:17

Research it yourself? I think anyone who has underage sex with some much older will always be traumatised, regardless of sex. But they are two different issues. Underage sex with a minor is rape. Sex with an age gap is not.

I can imagine the facts and figures wouldnt be accurate. Which again is why I wonder what men's views are on this.

merryhouse · 20/05/2025 22:19

TakingHavenInTescoExpress · 20/05/2025 21:17

Presumably our tiny female brains could not, without this assistance, work out which way to put the garment on.

Maybe it's a vestige of the original ties that such a garment might have had before the invention of elastic?

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 20/05/2025 22:22

Eagle2025 · 20/05/2025 21:59

Yeah that case is awful.

Truly awful. She got a six month sentence (three months suspended) originally it was like 6 years. If a male teacher had gotten a 12 year old girl pregnant not once but twice you can guarantee the fucker would not have spent three months in jail!

OP posts:
u3ername · 20/05/2025 22:23

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 20/05/2025 22:06

I seen this too 😆 you could also say “who runs the world, girls” by Beyoncé. I doubt anyone said anything when that came out 😆 I’m trying tho think of songs that have boys in them, but it’s really hard. Can only think of Venga boys and bad boys for life.

Yep. I think the post by @WhySoManySocksgives very good context as to how the word permeated popular culture.
Nowadays, we have middle aged man calling themselves girls and dolls, suddenly it sounds even more inappropriate to use the word for women.

Eagle2025 · 20/05/2025 22:23

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 20/05/2025 22:22

Truly awful. She got a six month sentence (three months suspended) originally it was like 6 years. If a male teacher had gotten a 12 year old girl pregnant not once but twice you can guarantee the fucker would not have spent three months in jail!

Indeed! And would probably not have made it out in one piece either.

Bellyblueboy · 20/05/2025 22:24

Boredlass · 20/05/2025 19:35

Exactly. I see this all the time and there’s nothing wrong with it

men are rarely if ever referred to as boys in the workplace:

I hear a lot of references to girls and (even more infuriating) young girls at work. No one ever asks if that young boy works here - or the new head of finance is a young boy from Scotland!

I Call it out every time. I heard a colleague say his new boss was a young girl. I told him he must be mistaken- children aren’t allowed to work in our company, surely it must be an adult woman rather than a little girl?

HuffleMyPuffle · 20/05/2025 22:26

Bubblebubblepoppop · 20/05/2025 22:02

Why should girls have to?

Because they're making a statement after feeling downtrodden?

Idk, I'm too old really for the age group that mostly uses it

HuffleMyPuffle · 20/05/2025 22:28

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 20/05/2025 22:06

I seen this too 😆 you could also say “who runs the world, girls” by Beyoncé. I doubt anyone said anything when that came out 😆 I’m trying tho think of songs that have boys in them, but it’s really hard. Can only think of Venga boys and bad boys for life.

Boys Are Back in Town

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 20/05/2025 22:29

HuffleMyPuffle · 20/05/2025 22:06

A lot of "female" versions of jobs add caveats like Ess or Ne
Which are now being dropped (like Actor or Comdian being genderless) which is then causing its own issues...

Which I think is very outdated. I think your job title should be genderless. What difference does your sex make to the job you’re in? Awards are different though. They are judging you as a person, so yes your sex will have something to do with it. It would be a pretty quick award show if it was based on just best actor or best supporting actor.

OP posts:
Eagle2025 · 20/05/2025 22:30

HuffleMyPuffle · 20/05/2025 22:28

Boys Are Back in Town

Was there not a woman who sang about boys boys boys 🤣🤣

JHound · 20/05/2025 22:30

Society does not infantilise women. Quite the opposite.

The first rule of misogyny is women are responsible for what women AND men do.

If anybody is infantilised it’s men who are never to blame for their own behaviour.

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