Double barrelling surnames?

[LilPatronum]

DP and I are to get married very soon.
I really do not want to change my surname. Neither does DP. I have a long history with mine including already having been changed once by deed-poll due to having my deadbeat Fathers name.

We have no children yet but planning to hopefully have some in the very near future. I really want the same surname as my children, especially having grown up with a different one to my Mum. DP wants the same surname too. We’re not too fussed about having the same name as each other and if we weren’t planning on children we wouldn’t bother with name changes at all.

Has anyone ever double barrelled their surname legally so say to Smith-Jones but then socially referred to themselves by their maiden name? So my name is Jane Smith and I will still refer to myself as that including on social media etc but legally I will be Mrs Jane Smith-Jones and so will DH. Then when we have children they will be called Smith-Jones and we will all be the Smith-Jones’ on paper. At school we will
introduce ourselves as Mr & Mrs Smith-Jones and for anything important related to that.

My Mum thinks this is stupid and we might as well not bother with the double barrelling if we are still going to refer to ourselves as our original names? AIBU to think this is the best compromise? Or has anyone else done it?

@Shutteredi was only speaking for myself, my birth surname was my sisters dads surname who never brought me up or had any sort of relationship with me. My own dad disappeared when my mum was pregnant. My mum just gave it to me so I’d have the same surname as my sisters, so no I didn’t feel attached to it.

DH and I have kept our respective surnames but DC will have a double barrelled combination of both ours. I can’t see any legal issues with that and we’re not fussed about all having the same name as long as DC have a share of both. I’d just carry DC’s birth certificate if we travelled to countries where they might expect the mother to have the same name.

I love my name though did consider double barrelling it but i have property/inheritance in another country which is an admin hellhole and very complicated so I cba. Also I’m divorced once and was very grateful I didn’t double barrel then either or would spend my life in admin changing my surname. Colloquially neighbours call us by my DH’s name as they just assume but I don’t mind as in life in general I’m known by my name. DH has never been fussed either way.

Also I must say it’s nice having my own surname as otherwise I’d be ‘Mrs Dh’s surname’ just like his mum, step mum and sisters-in-law - which feels like giving far too much importance to a very generic family and name. I achieved things in my name, not his after all. Having my own identity and giving that to my kids was important hence wanting them to have both but not myself.

Oh I totally missed you were double-barelling your kids surname!! Oops. Then definitely don't change your name, keep it as is. It's so much better 🙂 I'm so glad now that I kept my name, because it's mine 😌

Being unmarried didn't mean you couldn't have the same name as your kids.

You and DH each keep your own surname, use one surname for all DC and use other surname as a middle name for all DC. No hyphens.
Long-established method in the USA, albeit that DH surname name is the default option and DW surname is the ‘family’ middle name. One of the reasons traditional surnames morphed into first names, apparently.

I know several couples who did this or variations of it: (1) DW surname was unusual and all her generation were female relations , so name ‘died’ with them. DC took her surname.DH kept his (2) DH hated his surname (think one of those ‘bottom’/‘botham’ names), ditched it and took DW surname on marriage as did DC at birth (3)DW kept her birth surname (had been forced to change it as a child by abusive step-parent), DH kept his and children were (Eg) Petunia DW family name DH surname.
None of the parents with different surnames from their DC ever had any issue travelling abroad with them alone btw

@FeelingSoOverwhelmed it is signed in my original name, yes.
There was a bit on it that we had to complete before hand, about what we were going to be known as going forward. I was (still am tbh!) unsure, but our celebrant was like no you need to put something because it goes on the paperwork

We all know that in some countries they double-barrel surnames by default. That doesn’t change the fact that each generation still has to choose names to drop. It just means they are choosing 2 names to drop instead of 1.

It isn’t the magic fix people make it out to be.

I don’t think it’s a magic fix. I just think that my children can choose what they want to do- drop a name. Make up an entirely new name. Take their partner’s name. Whatever they want. Just like I did.

They aren't dropping two names, they are choosing what they want to be known as same as if they choose whether or not to take on a partners name if they marry.

Why not just double barrel the children's surnames and keep your own and DH's as is?
The children would have both names and there would be no hopping back and forth for the parents (well, for you mostly).

'Mrs' is not part of your legal identity, fwiw. You could be Ms or Dr or Lady or The Honorable. It is not required thst you adopt the title Mrs when you marry.

No one has said it's a magic fix.

Everyone has to make a choice no matter what.

Among my oldest DCs' friends, I don't know of any women who have changed their names on marriage. These women are aged 24 to 35/36.

I do know one couple who created a new surname using both of their original surnames.

For women in professional careers, it can be a challenge to maintain a professional reputation using a new surname.

Exactly. Why would you throw away the amassed goodwill, recognition etc associated with the name under which you’ve achieved your professional reputation?

Exactly. The only magic fix claims are from people who wrongly believe not double barrelling magically prevents their DC from needing to make a choice, when the time comes.

Just curious-has anyone actually said that?

Yep have a search on my posts in the thread.