Double barrelling surnames?

[LilPatronum]

DP and I are to get married very soon.
I really do not want to change my surname. Neither does DP. I have a long history with mine including already having been changed once by deed-poll due to having my deadbeat Fathers name.

We have no children yet but planning to hopefully have some in the very near future. I really want the same surname as my children, especially having grown up with a different one to my Mum. DP wants the same surname too. We’re not too fussed about having the same name as each other and if we weren’t planning on children we wouldn’t bother with name changes at all.

Has anyone ever double barrelled their surname legally so say to Smith-Jones but then socially referred to themselves by their maiden name? So my name is Jane Smith and I will still refer to myself as that including on social media etc but legally I will be Mrs Jane Smith-Jones and so will DH. Then when we have children they will be called Smith-Jones and we will all be the Smith-Jones’ on paper. At school we will
introduce ourselves as Mr & Mrs Smith-Jones and for anything important related to that.

My Mum thinks this is stupid and we might as well not bother with the double barrelling if we are still going to refer to ourselves as our original names? AIBU to think this is the best compromise? Or has anyone else done it?

We knew that

1. we wanted to keep our names
2. we felt like double-barreling just forces the next generation to choose a name to drop
3. we wanted something that our child(ren) could choose to replicate if they wanted, but were certainly not obligated to do so

we thought about flipping a coin. Instead we decided that girls would get my surname and boys would get his. We might have ended up with siblings with different surnames. The “loser” got more say over the middle name.

DH was desperately hoping for girls so he was signing on for my surname if his wishes came true. we ended up having one child, a dd with my surname and a middle name used by every male on Dh’s side for more generations than we can track. It ended up feeling to both of us like an extra little ding to the patriarchy.

dd definitely plans on keeping her surname through life.

Hyphenate the children. You and dp keep your own names. We’ve done this for nearly 30 years now-it’s never been the slightest problem.

Yes this!!! Every time this comes up, there's always someone bellowing on about how they think double barrelled names are ridiculous. And then some other posters "cleverly" bleating on "but then do the kids have 4 surnames etc etc" as if it's some kind of gotcha! Nope, you just seem ignorant. Which is fine, it's ok not to know things. But less fine to be really nasty about someone's name. Or indeed an entire cultures naming system!

I was given a male middle name. No idea why it's not a family name.

I think the baby should have their mother’s name but hyponated is fine too

I live in Belgium and before 2014 all children got the father's last name if their parents were married or the father declared the child as theirs. Women do not lose their maiden name so all official documents (ID card, passport, driving licence, bank, medical etc[ are in said maiden name. When I got married, I called myself Mme dh last name but all documents were Mme my maiden name. That wasn't too bad but when ds1 was in his 20s, he decided (unofficially[ to double barrel our two names on social media. dd decided to do the same so I followed suit, even changing my passport as I realised that my passport was the only document in dh last name and I might need to show my passport as proof of identity plus one other.

This has led to so much confusion though. Old friends and family still use dh last name, work and everything official use my maiden name and on social media, in my passport and in my volunteer job I'm known as Mme/Ms double barrel name. I know it's my own fault but I'm regretting some of these decisions now!

I much prefer your system to choosing the name which just seems nicest/easiest to spell/goes best with first names (and is almost inevitably the man's!)

I haven't really bothered changing mine properly after getting married.
I still use Meggie Smith for everything, but on our marriage certificate, I am technically Meggie Jones.
If I ever bother to change or the time comes when we have kids, I'll probably go with Meggie Smith Jones.

Married 25 years. Always kept own name as did husband. 2 kids, both have double barrel. Told them they could drop one (of their choice) when they went to secondary school but so far they have both chosen not to.

Of course they won't have triple and quadruple barrelled names as the generations go on. You just drop one and add one (or not) as the Spanish custom goes or pick something different. There is no law in the UK, you can call yourself what you like. Hurrah!

Not to be totally pedantic but I thought the marriage certificate would have to have your birth name as it's a legal document and has to reflect what your name is at the actual time? Your name doesn't automatically change upon marriage, you have to do it. So how can you be legally your married name on the marriage certificate?

Personally, we went for each keeping our surnames and non hyphenated double barrelled surnames for the kids.

So I'm Mrs Smith. He's Mr Jones, kids are FirstName Smith Jones. Since not hyphenated and my maiden name is also used at a first/middle name many people assume my surname is a middle name but legally it's there and DC know that. Never expressed a problem with it.

Use a first name to reflect one country of origin and a surname to reflect the other.

I doubt you would select a double barrelled first name to reflect both backgrounds so why for a surname?

I know…it’s ludicrous

I don't think you've understood me.
My point was that Spain (and South America, and undoubtedly other countries) always have double barrelled names. I wondered whether you thought whole nationalities who follow the double barrelled naming convention were stupid.

🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ oh dear...

Surely that’s a ridiculous question. It’s akin to saying do you think it is stupid for someone in the UK to name their child using the Cyrillic alphabet because it is normal in certain other countries.

You could just hyphenate legally but never actually use it, so only on legal documents. My cousin changed it, but never actually uses it, I only realised when I saw her plane ticket. I kept my maiden name, no issue when travelling with DC. So many people don't change their names now, but if you think it's important just hyphenate. Why don't you wanlot until you actually have children to do this

Yes this is what I was thinking

Yeah my kids are perfectly fine with it. It’s just a name…..

Nope never been a problem. Not even once and my kids have probably flown over 50 times long and short haul between them to three continents. Sorry but that’s just conjecture. I’ve had absolutely no other problems at all. And teachers do know my kids parents are married and still use our correct surnames.

Wouldn't you sign your marriage certificate with your original name?

Woefully chavy?

So it's only stupid because it isn't as common in the UK but it suddenly wouldn't be stupid if it was somewhere where it is common?

Surely it is either stupid or it isn't?